What Would Jackie Wear?

Well isn't this a bloody mess?

2009-10-03T11:41:00.000-04:00

You leave for a while and some gremlin comes in and messes the place up! I guess I need to call one of my smart friends to assist in this housecleaning effort. For my part I'll merely place the blame on Blogger and appeal to your altruistic natures to get out a broom and shovel here.

I have indeed been much absent here of late obviously. I could bore you all to tears and recount the trials and tribulations of the past few months, but I'll spare you the indignity of a blow by blow report. Let it suffice to say matters both professional and personal have kept me quite occupied in both the physical and mental sense.

And in truth I've withdrawn somewhat these last few months for other reasons. For one I genuinely wonder what, if anything, this exercise in vanity is accomplishing. Other than to give me a place to vent. Also, given my general disgust with the world as a whole here of late I felt any commentary would lend itself to nothing more than bitter words thrown against an increasingly uncivil world. And frankly that's nothing I feel I need to be a party to. For my own mental health if nothing else.

Mental candy in the form of harmless escape I suppose can be found on Facebook- which is fine! I really think we all need a bit of that every day to help keep us from going barking mad. But on that subject I have to admit I find some uncomfortable associations (I think Cowbell and Sage probably genuinely understand this) that have been created. On the one hand it has been nice to reconnect with any number of people. On the other hand what the fuck kind of trauma turned some of them in to right wing conservatives? Let's face it, with exceptions, most conservatives may well be perfectly sane people individually. The problems only seem to start much as it does with dogs- they start running in a pack and they turn feral on you. Be that as it may- saying Hi is one thing, catching up is fine, but there are some parts of my life I care not to share with those folks. The nom de plume in this venue has it's reasons.

So I guess I dismantle it or fix it and resume as before and come what may. Or come up with another alternative. I expect I'd better sit myself down for a little talking to.

Carry on with the rest of your day people, be nice to each other out there.

The loss of another great.

2009-07-27T13:22:00.002-04:00

Yet another monumental talent has passed. The amazing Merce Cunningham has passed on, arguably the greatest living choreographer in the world peacefully departed Sunday at the age of Ninety. Having danced into his 70's and having remained active in his art as a teacher and choreographer up until the time of his death, the dance world is a little dimmer today without his genius.

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RIP Koko

2009-06-04T11:07:00.001-04:00

The world has lost yet another great, the fabulous Koko Taylor. The world is a bit dimmer today minus her talent and huge heart. And Madge, Britney and the rest of you wanna be divas, Koko was a Diva and did it the right way.

Me memed

2009-05-26T16:13:00.004-04:00

Both my dear Elizabeth and darling friend Wills tagged me for this one. As we all know I rarely play along on these, spoiled sport that I am, but after a fashion I expect it may perhaps be a good way to return to blogging. I have been much absent due to various obligations and frankly since my dear friend died I’ve really more or less had my head up my ass. I’m still not 100% sure whether it’s the loss of a friend of nearly 30 years or my reaction to my anger with his family. Perhaps equal measures of both.

Anyway, on to the part where I bore you all to tears…

Meme Rules:

1. Respond and rework. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own. 

2. Tag eight other un-tagged people.

So here goes!

1. What is your current obsession?

Finding the perfect dress for my 30th reunion. You know, the one that makes your ex boyfriends want to drink poison and the former snotty cheerleaders seethe. Fixing the current front lawn debacle. Finding 10 or so extra hours in a week.

2. What do you see outside your window?

Out front- a mess of epic proportion. Out back- a genuinely stunning view of the mountains. I presume you can figure out which one I’m currently ignoring.

3. If you could have any super power what would it be?

Teleportation.

4. Which animal would you be?

A Siberian Tiger.

5. Who was the last person you hugged?

My son.

6. What is your favorite color?

Red.

7. What’s your favorite food in the whole world?

A perfect Vicksburg sandwich, closely followed by foie gras.

8. What’s the last thing you bought?

Literally- gas. Last thing I bought for myself was a very hot pair of sandals that I doubt I’ll ever get to wear this summer given the ghastly weather.

9. What are you listening to right now?

My son bouncing a soccer ball against the side of the house, the washer running, the gears grinding in my husband’s head as he tries to figure out how to fix the disaster he’s created in the front lawn and Little Feat.

10. If you could quit one bad habit, what would it be?

Smoking.

11. What’s on your beside table?

A really swell lamp (yes Wills with a red shantung shade), a stack of books, an alarm clock, a water glass and probably a fair amount of dust.

12. If you could have a house totally paid for, and fully furnished, anywhere in the world, where would it be?

The Côte d'Azur, but Belize wouldn't suck either.

13. What would you like to have in your hands right now?

A ticket to Rome. Or a winning Mega Millions ticket, then I could actually afford the trip to Rome and take Tate and Tony with me.

14. What was your favorite children's book?

A Little Princess by Frances Hodgeson Burnett

15. What is your biggest fear/phobia?

Roller coasters, they totally freak me out.

16. What's the dumbest thing you've done in the past year?

Left my husband alone with a bulldozer.

17. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

Chicago, to hug someone I love very much and tell him everything really will be fine one day soon.

18. What did you want to become as a small child?

An actress or a princess. No not the Disney variety- as in for real, like Princess Grace, she fascinated me. Oddly I just wanted the wardrobe and the real estate, didn’t much care about the Prince part of the equation.

19. What posters/pictures do you have on your bedroom wall?

None actually. I have part of my kimono and obi collection hanging instead.

20. What is your plan for tomorrow?

Get the kids to school on time, get to work on time, try and catch up on an insane amount of paperwork, have lunch with my sister, get home in time to get the family fed and get the Hurricane to a band concert by 7:15. Dang, I’m sure I’m forgetting something in there.

21. What was your first job?

Dishwasher, busgirl, scullery maid and prep cook at my parent’s restaurants.

22. Say something to the person/s who tagged you:

Liz- if we put both our lives in a blender we’d have a truly classic southern gothic novel on our hands. You can work on that once you finish the other two. Wills, I am so very, very happy you’ve become a part of my life.

23.Post a favorite childhood photograph of yourself.

Not precisely my favorite, I think it’s in a box at my brother’s with a few thousand other ones. But I was pretty cute before I could talk.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but childhood photos of Tate and Tony would be fun :)

RIP

2009-04-28T14:00:00.003-04:00

The legendary and talented Ekaterina Maximova passed today, the world is a bit dimmer indeed.

With her legendary partner and husband Vladimir Vasiliev. Not the best of video quality, but it makes me smile to see them when they were young in one of my favorite ballets.

Random hilarity

2009-03-12T15:28:00.003-04:00

For no reason other than the fact that I really needed a laugh. OK, I admit I actually do love Elmo too. And Ricky Gervais, his David Brent really was genius.

I could be wrong.

2009-03-05T18:14:00.001-05:00

I frequently am..

Let’s have a hypothetical (not) scenario, shall we? You have a couple that married, produced a child and than divorced. You later remarried and ostenisibly your son was integrated into this “blended family”.

Your son however states to his close friends more than once (over a couple of decades) that he has “”the family I was born with and the one I chose.” Humm…

Your son spends nearly every holiday, his birthday and his vacations with his chosen family- not you. Humm.. Except for Grandma, because she’s cool like that.

Your son is dying and the people that got him into an experimental treatment protocol, praying they could save him, and the people that were there dealing with the doctors and held his hand as he slipped away were his “chosen” family- not his blood relations. Humm…

A “Mother” that goes on a cruise while her son is in the hospital is not a Mother.

A “Father” that has to delay a funeral because he has to work it into his schedule is not a Father. (Especially if you’re Jewish- that’s just disrespectful.)

And now suddenly the chosen family isn’t “good enough” to participate in the memorial.

Would that not tell you that you are beyond fucked up? But that’s just my opinion. Perhaps I’m being unduly harsh, I can be like that, I can be a judgmental bitch that way,

Can't shake the sad today.

2009-03-03T15:54:00.003-05:00

A very old and dear friend died last night. It was a blessing. The pain was great and he'd suffered long enough. I was looking through some old pictures in order to find a few for a friend that's putting together something for the funeral services and I couldn't decide if I wanted to laugh or keep crying.

The hysterical picture of the two of us when I was just about to have Miss Thing standing in front of the ice cream shop in Arlington I used to love made me bust out laughing. He went to the OB often enough with me that the nurses were very confused as to who the father actually was...

One of a drunken evening at our old apartment with the woman he should have married, that made me ever so sad...

A lot of years. A whole lot of years. He liked to claim he introduced the Beast and I. Not really, I actually picked the Beast up in a bar, but I always told him I'd be happy to blame him if he really wanted me to.

Farewell and godspeed old friend. I'll never be able to go down to the river without thinking of you. Rest well.

Random Thursday Video

2009-02-26T11:50:00.002-05:00

Primarily because I was just in the mood for Rosie Ledet this morning.

Have a lovely Thursday, carry on with whatever you were doing.

Clara is just too adorable!

2009-02-25T09:48:00.001-05:00

I know everyone has seen this dear sweet grandma-

But Clara makes me smile. And makes me glad I actually paid attention when both my Grandmothers told me their depression stories, and later during my starving early twenties, taught me more than a few things about living on the cheap.

Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler Y'all!

2009-02-24T09:04:00.002-05:00

Have an excellent Fat Tuesday people.

And mainly because I love Steve Riley and the Mamou Playboys- just hard to find a good video.

Well that was awfully nice-

2009-02-23T21:29:00.003-05:00

Buddyboy hit town and we managed to get together for linner (that would be way too late for lunch and too early for dinner) and were joined by two excellent friends a bit later on. All in all it was a lovely visit, we yakked on and on and caught up. Considering how often we text, email or call you'd think that would be somewhat unnecessary. Well actually it isn't.

Managed to also grab coffee this morning before he had to make himself scarce, which was also good. While every moment was genuinely lovely, we were both still a little sad remembering again how hard it's been not seeing one another all the time. The food was great, the wine as well, the conversation amazing and hysterical as always, and the hugs were the absolute best. But having to say goodbye still does make both of us rather sad still to this day. We both tear up a little when we say goodbye, but don't flat out cry like we used to. That's progress.

But on the whole I'd rather have a friend that finishes my thoughts, makes me laugh hysterically and always knows whats in my heart be a bit too far away than not have one at all...

I'm a lucky, lucky person to have such an amazing person as a friend.

Chapter 1: Wherein our heroine unwittingly steps into a parallel universe. And does not like it one bit.

2009-02-13T16:31:00.002-05:00

In this parallel reality she finds her son, the typical messy unkempt 11 year old boy, has turned into a creature who not only bathes regularly without prompting, but suddenly is channeling his inner Hedi Slimane. And to add insult to injury is fielding calls from multiple girls for hours on end each evening. But luckily remains sweet and cuddly and remembers to tell his Mom he loves her at least five times a day.

Her husband, the man who is generally oblivious, up and made dinner reservations. On his own. With absolutely no prompting. And chose an absolutely fabulous restaurant- on his own. This from the man that could care less about food and thinks the entire concept of a tasting menu is moronic and given the choice would rather be eating at Gracie’s Diner. She ponders the import on the assumption he's banking brownie points for something really, really bad.

Her daughter, the self directed straight A student, who has never given her parents a moment of anything resembling real trouble in her nearly 17 years, pulled a C as her final in Spanish. This is not a letter of the alphabet that has ever been sighted on an actual report card. She simply didn’t bother with trivialities like homework for that class. And to further add insult to injury said child has decided that the favored class for the repeat performance is going to be AP Calculus. Oh great, please do pick the one that counts for college credit!! Upon being confronted, the obstinate teen declares the world is going to hell in a hand basket , all she has to look forward to is a life of corporate servitude and she really doesn’t give a damn about anything. At which point our heroine comes to the thundering realization she’s really fucked this up- but simply can’t put her finger on what precisely and realizes she has no idea how to go about fixing this one. And she really, really wishes to find the exit to her actual universe posthaste.

Let the lawsuits begin!

2009-02-13T14:23:00.003-05:00

I'm not normally a litigious sort, but it this case I think it's warranted.

That really has to be one of the more morally repugnant things I can recall reading about recently- and it hasn't exactly been a slow news month in that regard y'all.

Merely trying to be helpful.

2009-02-10T17:04:00.002-05:00

Dear Blonde lady in the lavender Escalade,

As you were very obviously in a terrible hurry to get to a no doubt crucial appointment concerning the transition or the stimulus package or some such, I wanted to take a small moment to bring a little matter to your attention that I’m sure you were too busy to take note of.

When you swerved over into my lane and nearly hit the car in front of me as well as myself, you may not have noticed the five or six other vehicles that also narrowly avoided a large and dangerous pile up. And when you essentially slammed on your brakes to make that right into the nice gated community, this did rather make the rest of us somewhat uncomfortable.

On behalf of the others involved in this incident, as well as myself, I’d like to offer a small primer, if you will, regarding announcing your intentions to those around you whilst behind the wheel.

I would suggest the following instructions be followed in a nice safe place like your driveway, with the vehicle in park. Once you are seated, you will observe in front of you the steering wheel- this is the thing you place the hand that doesn’t currently contain your cell phone or lipstick on. Good. Now if you look carefully to the left- the left side is the side where the hand that has excessively the large diamond on it is- there is a thing sticking out of the wheel on that side. This is called either a turn signal or an indicator, because it announces your intention to turn your vehicle to other drivers. Clever, no? Now push down on it, hear the clicking sound? Excellent! You just communicated that you are going to turn left (ring side, remember?) now if you push it upwards you’ll hear the same clicking sound and it tells others you mean to turn right (that’s the side where your purse is sitting dear) and then back to the middle.

Like any new skill this can be no doubt daunting, but I have full confidence that with practice you’ll have it down in no time! And if I may, one more small matter. The small child that was roaming about the back end that got slammed into the window when this occurred may well have sustained minor head trauma, you may want someone to take a look at that. In the future you can save yourself the inconvenience of having your child’s head x-rayed if you utilize the seat belts the nice car manufacturers put in the vehicle. Just a thought.

Kindest regards,

Dora Smith Long

For mindless super entertainment powers

2009-02-06T11:20:00.001-05:00

And because the second try got the "Meaty Glorious Samurai" Huh? Just wish there was a better selection of accessories. Guess I'll have to check in with Marvel and see what they have going on.

Have some mindless fun y'all, it's Friday!!

This is soooo not good...

2009-02-05T12:42:00.002-05:00

My cell phone had a SIM card crash. Who the hell knew such a thing could happen?? OK I'm sure that would be everyone but me. Aside from the fact that the nearest store for replacement is very, very geographically inconvienent, my address book is toast. This really, terminally sucks. Yes I know my own fault for not backing the phone up better, blah blah blah...

Five years of phone numbers- poof!

Umm, feel free to email your numbers - you know who you are.

Sucks, sucks, sucks!

Hey, Ticketmaster! Know what??

2009-02-03T19:30:00.002-05:00

You can kiss my ass!! I have had it with you people! But I for once got the upper hand, so there!

Monday at 9:55 I log on and prepare to purchase some Springsteen tickets, at 10:00 your server goes haywire- yet again. I’m sure y’all had no idea (since it’s happened a thousand times before) that many thousands of people were going to hit you for tickets at that precise moment. At 10:10 when I finally get processed into the queue, your system tells me there’s nothing left but points me to your sister site Tickets Now or whatever it is, that lo and behold DOES have tickets- at twice to four times the venue price. You’re assholes.

In frustration I go back to the home page and note that he’s playing at UVA- the John Paul Jones Arena is actually a really nice venue- about a third of the size of he Verizon Center or any of the others so I got my self on over to the UVA web site and purchased (without any hassle at all) excellent seats in a much better venue for fair market price. Another good reason for Miss Thing to attend Mr. Jefferson's University, they get awesome concerts and I'd get student rates.

So y’all can pound sand, this is the umteenth time you’ve nailed me this way, and it ain’t gonna happen again.

Hell hath no fury-

2009-02-03T11:27:00.001-05:00

Like an 11 year old boy denied a snow day after the first really good sledding snow of the year fell the night before…

The reaction was decidedly NOT pretty, I can assure you.

Just because

2009-01-30T17:57:00.001-05:00

I love Lucinda Williams-

Y'all have a lovely weekend. carry on.

Hola!

2009-01-25T15:05:00.003-05:00

Yes, they let us back across the border, imagine that...

Just a quick hey y'all to the one or two people that would be concerned if we had been incarcerated at the airport. The proverbial good time was had by all, the scuba diving was quite good, the ruins were epic, the sand sandy and the sun sunny- all in all an excellent trip. Just wanted to share a quick story that really struck me.

On the morning of the inauguration the boys had booked some windsurfing lessons, as the Hurricane really was dying to go, and Tuesday was more or less our one relax and chill day. Miss Thing and I were no way in hell going to miss the swearing in and had assumed it would be CNN in the room. Hell no! Here I was in Mexico, at a resort mostly frequented by nice folks from Europe and South America and they showed it in it's entirety on the big ass wide screen in the lobby bar and also live at the theater on a full sized cinema screen. I opted for the bar. Sue me, I was on vacation people...

So here we sit, in a bar in Mexico watching an American President taking the oath of office. Which in and of itself was somewhat surreal, I can assure you. Things were just getting started and the lovely bartender, who by then knew me well- probably due to my propensity to tip heavily, hands me a bottle of champagne and two glasses. I guess I must have given him a slightly startled look and he just smiled and said "Congratulations!"

As President Obama put his hand on the bible the place literally stopped. Waiters, bartenders, bellmen, tourists- damn near everyone was rooted in place. I admit, I teared up when the oath was taken and my heart felt so much lighter and hopeful. And then a very strange thing happened. All of these people erupted in spontanious cheers and clapping. People started congratulating the few Americans there, smiling, hugging and laughing. Complete strangers, most of whom were not my fellow countrymen, were celebrating this moment. I must say, it really does give me hope for the future, something I have been sorely lacking these last few years.

Here's to hope my friends! It's going to be a tough row to hoe and perhaps people might have finally realized it's going to take all of us to get through it.

Now I really need to go start on the laundry and go to the grocery- back to reality.

See y'all later- be safe!

2009-01-16T15:38:00.000-05:00

Why not?

2009-01-13T21:40:00.002-05:00

The conversation went something like this:

The Beast- The weather's really getting bad. Let's go to Mexico.

Me-OK honey, my S.A.D. is getting bad- April, May, when?

Him- I was thinking next week. You hate this time of year.

Me- Huh?

Him- No -really, fuck it let's just go.

Me- Umm, really? Next week?

Him- What the hell, whatever -let's just go.

Me- OK- Honey some people just do this sort of shit at the spur of the moment. We aren't those people. Those people only exist on TV.

Him- Next week we are those people.

Me- OK, works for me. Are you sure about this? It's a little crazy.

Him- We've earned a little crazy the last few months don't you think? And this way I don't have to hear you whine about packing your butt into a bathing suit for three months. Everyone wins.

Me- I'll go get some fresh sunscreen tomorrow.

See y'all when we get back from the Riviera Maya..

" See the footage of the rare, venomous mammal"

2009-01-09T08:32:00.003-05:00

Rare footage of one of the world's most strange and elusive mammals has been captured by scientists.

Large, and with a long, thin snout, the Hispaniolan solenodon resembles an overgrown shrew; it can inject passing prey with a venom-loaded bite.

Oh really?

Please, Ann Coulter isn't that elusive guys- seriously. And come on, the only venomous mammal? Are we forgetting Michelle Malkin?

When I grow up...

2009-01-06T13:28:00.002-05:00

I want to be Helen.

If I play my cards right I may be a quarter as amazing, which is still pretty damn good.

Now, back to whatever you were doing.

May your New Year bring you joy-

2008-12-31T19:08:00.002-05:00

I tend to view New Year’s resolutions as self-defeating prophecies personally. But then again I also consider stupidity to be the chlorine in the gene pool…

Goals in and of themselves I find a laudable thing, truly. It’s the setting of sweeping, all encompassing goals I find to be self-defeating. I’m not sure if it’s because I am by nature a pragmatist or it happens to be merely an aspect of my controlling nature, but not having a definable road map to achieve a goal is a recipe for failure as I see it. All of that said, I generally do not make New Years resolutions because intentionally setting myself up to fail seems rather silly to me. This year however I have made an exception to that hard and fast rule, I have indeed decided to make a few.

Those of you that have been listening to me whine for the past 12 months realize that on the whole 2008 sucked royally for me and mine. And when I heard they were actually adding a second to the clock this year, thus making 2008 one second longer to balance the atomic clock, I quite literally screamed “NOOOOO!” enough already, begone with you foul year, I wish to see nothing but the screen door hitting your misbegotten ass on the way out! Ahem, where was I… Oh yes, resolutions.

I really will be taking better care of myself this coming year. I fear I am in danger of not only total exhaustion, but also developing a major case of martyr syndrome. Let’s face it, that’s really an amazingly unattractive thing socially, and surely not a particularly charming one emotionally for those you inflict yourself upon. A large part of this will be reacquainting myself with the word NO. Deceptively small, but incredibly powerful my little friend is. While not turning my back on those I love and the duties I have taken upon myself, I will be recalling the concept of limits, and trying to put them into practice.

I further resolve to remember to tell the people I love and appreciate far more frequently how much I love them. While I don’t really think I’ve gone so far down the self absorbed route that I ignore any of them, I could frankly be a lot more proactive in the letting them know department… To all my friends in this lively little virtual family we’ve created, my genuine and heartfelt love and thanks for supporting me throughout all the fun and games of the last 12 months. And to those of you forced to listen to my dulcet tones whining away on the other end of the phone, your patience and love has been a gift beyond reckoning and truly kept me sane. Or in my case what I pass off as sanity.

Be safe, be well and peace and all good blessings upon all your houses. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go change into an evening gown so I can proceed to get drunk on my own couch.

Joy to the world, and all that jazz.

2008-12-23T12:52:00.002-05:00

By way of the always interesting Citizen of the World a little Christmas meme. As I am sure y'all don't want to hear anymore whining, and surely no more youthful indiscretions.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? A mix of both, I like a little variety. Plus, lets face it, some items can really be a pain in the ass to wrap.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real, I’m allergic to artificial anything.

3. When do you put up the tree? When do you take the tree down? Up- December 14^th. Yes, really. That sucker gets pitched off the back deck by dark on New Year’s Day. Having the thing around for a month and a half sort of takes the festive part of it out of the proceedings for me.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes actually, I have an excellent recipe, it uses rum, irish whisky and brandy- what's not to like? The commercial crap, not so much.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? A red bike on my 10^th birthday.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Baby Sister.

8. Easiest person to buy for? The Hurricane.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? No, I expect they’d take my agnostic card away..

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Depends on the recipient and how far behind I happen to be running.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A truly hideous dress from my husband. And I do mean hideous! Coco was in heaven crying I tell you!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? If I see something I know is perfect I pick it up, no matter the time of year.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I am ashamed to admit, yes.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? That list is way too long to fit here.

16. Lights on the tree? White fairy lights.

17. Favorite Christmas Song? It’s a toss up"Bring a Torch Jeanette Isabella" or “I Saw Three Ships”

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Home, period. Long story involving childhood travels on Christmas Day.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yep.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Neither, a large red bow.

21. Open presents on Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve, the balance of the loot they have to wait, because I’m sadistic like that.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Rude, obnoxious behavior. OK, it’s annoying all the time, but seems to run rampant this time of the year.

23. Favorite Ornament theme or color? Three guesses and the first two don’t count..

24. Favorite thing for Christmas dinner? Someone else doing the dishes.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Well Santa, since you asked… World peace, a stabilized economy, and end to global warming. Oh, and if it’s not too much trouble I’d like a ticket to Mexico in my stocking and for my ass to look like it did when I was thirty.

May you all be well and safe and surrounded by those you love. And in the spirit of all the sharing my darling Wills has been doing with his favorite carols, here we have my two favorites.

And Gavin, forgive me for featuring the MTC, but it really is the loveliest arrangement I've ever heard of the song..

A Christmas Memory-

2008-12-18T16:59:00.000-05:00

Mamma had an amazing way of bending reality to suit her needs of the given moment. I won’t say she mowed over opposition and adversity; she merely said “pardon me” and walked right on past. It was indeed denial on a truly virtuoso grade level...

Christmas was always a little strange around our house, and genuinely did get a tad weirder as the years rolled by. My folks were in the restaurant business, owned three of them actually, in three different towns. These people worked- as in all the damn time… Christmas was always to me one of those rare times we were all in the same place at the same time. As a child this was lovely, as I rolled into my teenage years, not so much.

Anydigression, the whole deal with my mother and Christmas was a two pronged attack- One it was a way for her to salve her guilty maternal conscience at her perceived shortcomings due to her work schedule, which always back fired horribly. Frankly all I ever wanted was just her there, but in typical fashion it had to be turned into a full blown Cecil B. DeMille epic of tasteful decorating, heaps of presents and loads of non stop eating and partying. In short, it was exhausting, not only to her but for everyone else. Two, it was her particular brand of molding the universe into what she needed it to be at its finest. Things may have been insane the rest of the time, but you better bet Christmas was going to be her lovely little snow globe of perfection, no matter what- get on board or get out of the way!

Christmas Eve 1976 was a prime example. My folks had a huge (and I mean huge- as in I’ve seen actual BARS that didn’t have bars this big) bar in the basement, and loved to throw parties. The annual Christmas Eve party was her crown jewel. The entire house was perfectly decorated and half the town showed up. As a kid I longed for Santas and reindeer with blinking noses and loads of flashing lights... nope, way too tacky for her. Now mind you it was all really quite lovely, but the average child really has little or no appreciation for something that belongs on the cover of a magazine, kids want that over the top stuff. As the years passed I resigned myself to getting my flashy fix at friend’s houses and quit nagging her about it.

Then there was the food. Dad used the kitchen at the restaurant and had half the staff working during down time getting it all put together. The restaurants were always closed on Christmas Eve, so the carting in and bar stocking and so forth would commence quite early that morning. Thus the day consisted of either staying the hell out of the way if you were little, or getting drafted into service once you were of an age to be put to use.

Brother #1 was actually managing the bar/nightclub at one of the restaurants at the time so he naturally got drafted to tend bar at the party, Brother #2 got drafted for heavy lifting and I was her main assistant and flunky. After playing assistant all day I was getting a little frazzled, so when she decided to send Brother #1 out to the liquor store for a forgotten bottle of VSOP before they closed, I begged her to let me go too because I really needed to get out of the house. She relented, I grabbed my coat and off we went...

En route I decided to break out the very thoughtful gift my boyfriend had given me and share with big brother... some particularly fine hash. We made it through the liquor store after only having been stopped 5 or 6 times by various people and got in the car and headed for home. We both decided a soda would be an excellent idea, so we side tracked over to the 7-11. A few blocks further I decided we’d damn well better hit the drug store for some Visine before we went home.

All told, I expect this took an hour and a half or so, since we detoured around the gold course one last time to blow another bowl... We pulled into the driveway and in the same breath both went “OH SHIT!” There she stood looking out the kitchen window with THAT look on her face. In my mind the theme from Jaws was playing at about 7 decibels... We were in truly deep shit. Barely missing a beat, brother dear hissed, “car trouble, work with it!” Well I decided to let him manage this situation and pray for the best, figuring he was the eldest after all, and was far more experienced in these matters. That and I was high as a kite and she was loaded for bear.

The man was smarter than I gave him credit for, it was indeed a known fact that the VW bus he drove was notorious for requiring a jump start at the most inopportune moments- she bought it. The fact she was well into her second bourbon and water no doubt helped us slide that excuse over the threshold, allowing us to escape to try and pull ourselves together. The thing that didn’t help was Brother #2 standing right behind her smoking an imaginary joint and trying not to laugh his ass off...

So the house was ready, the food was ready and it was time for us to all get ready- another component of this little tableau was naturally that we all had to be perfectly dressed and be utterly charming to the entire assemblage of guests.. Oy! In actuality, most of their friends were genuinely nice people. It just tended to be fairly tiresome at that point in the proceedings to have to be adorable.

So off I trotted to my bedroom to get dressed. You know, it’s kind of hard to do full face; hair and fancy dress when you’re that high... Thankfully by the time I was done getting ready I had more or less come down. Time for the last lap before show time, the generalissimo’s final inspection. House perfect- check. Bar ready- check. Food ready- check. Children presentable- check. Staff ready to roll- check.

**Side note, no they really didn’t force anyone to work Christmas Eve. Actually there was much currying of favor and jockeying of position amongst the line bitches and waitrons to score the party gig. The Old Fart may have been a rat bastard about some things but he did treat his employees exceptionally well and never served cheap liquor. The party gig involved a rather sizeable cash thank you from the old man, and a number of bottles of good booze in the kitchen. As long as no one got too plowed to function, he could have cared less how much got consumed.**

Herself would then order the candles lit, the luminaries placed out front and retire to freshen her drink and put the finishing touches on her ensemble while she and the old man got whatever they’d been bitching at one another about out of the way.

The boys were supposed to get the luminaries lit, but brother #2 told me to throw on my coat and help, and bring along a little something in my coat pocket... I guess he was put out over missing out on the earlier round. So we snuck around behind the garage after we got them lit and lo and behold-we had company. Seems a few of the staff had the same idea… Shortly thereafter 6 or 8 extremely stoned people came out from behind the garage just in time to note that the Chief of Police and his lovely wife had just pulled up to the curb.. That, my dears, is what we refer to as an “I’m so fucked” moment. I turned to see if any of my older, wiser compadres were going to step up to the plate and manage this situation and realized in one heart stopping second that the entire damn lot of them had abandoned me and headed for the house. So there I was, all by my little lonesome, high as a kite and convinced I was going to be the only teen aged girl in the town’s history to be hauled off to jail on Christmas Eve. Then the light bulb came on, just pretend you’re Mamma- simple. I strolled on up to the car opened Mrs. C.O.P.’s car door for her and wished them a Merry Christmas... Well he looked at me a little funny and said “Dora honey, why on earth are you out here in the cold?” Umm “lighting luminaries?? Y’all come on in the house before you freeze!”

So my very stoned little self was escorted into the house by Mr. Police Chief and the Mrs., only to open the door and see #1 and #2 standing there with looks of abject terror on their faces. Mamma greeted the lovely folks, instructed the boys to take their coats and sashayed with them on down to the bar..

#1 looked at me and shook his head and kept repeating “VSOP,VSOP..Very Stupid On (our) Part kiddo, very stupid.” Thus 1976 then and forever after became known as the VSOP Christmas….

And the rest of the evening? Let’s just say it was a long, long night..

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-22T18:56:00.001-05:00

Yes, I fully realize I’m a bit early. But given the week ahead it’s now or never kids..

It’s going to be a bit sad I expect not having the Old Fart around to arm chair chef the entire meal.. Not surprisingly holidays were all about the food in my household growing up. Presents and all are swell, but when do we eat and what are we having??? As he aged and allowed his daughters to more or less take over the turning out the feast duties, he resigned himself to parking on a barstool with a glass of wine and making sure the two of us didn’t do anything contrary to the proper way, ie: HIS way. With the exception of the dressing, because truthfully he really was the only one that made it right, and I’ve been trying for 20 or more years.

Dora, did you brine that turkey overnight?

Yes, Daddy of course I did..

Baby Sister, did you bring that bag of sage we cut this morning? I don’t want any of that dried stuff on the bird.

Yes Pop, it’s right here...

Dora, did you make cornbread last night so I can make dressing?

Yes Daddy, I did..

You made pecan and pumpkin pies, right?

Yes Daddy, look right over there on the sideboard..

And on and on it would go until supper time. Two grown women, one of them a genuine chef with a degree, being bullied by their father- comical actually. There is however a reason Baby Sister and I usually managed to finish a bottle of wine before dinner..

So here’s to you Daddy, we’ll miss you this year and I’ll sing “Alice’s Restaurant” just for you- And for you lucky souls that won’t be in the kitchen for the performance- take it away Arlo..

Peace and all good blessings upon all your houses.

I need a pick me up..

2008-11-17T21:49:00.001-05:00

Normally new shoes do it every time. Something red in cashmere perks me right up. A long afternoon at the day spa? Oh hell yes that does the trick no matter how tapped out I am.

However, as it’s November, Christmas is right around the corner and the bills from the long stay in the hospital from hell are wending their way into the mail box- I really can’t bring myself to spend any money on my usual non chemical antidepressants right now. So I cleaned my closets instead… I am a very disturbed person in obvious need of help. But on the plus side, I found a belt that had gone missing months ago and the shoe shrine is all nice and reorganized.

Who am I kidding? Productive, yes.. but I really want a day at the spa, a new red cashmere wrap and new shoes. I am so, so shallow. Sorry, I’m just too bloody tired of it all to wax poetic about gaining new strength of character and so forth. I’m quite a character as it is, thank you very much and I just want one stress free, drama-less day that involves no one asking me questions, expecting me to fix things or take care of their issues!

Tantrum over, I promise. Back to being practical, pragmatic and calm now. Thanks for listening, now back to your regularly scheduled lives.

Tag- I'm it..

2008-11-17T20:27:00.001-05:00

My dear Wills decided to distract me with the ever popular closest book meme- and then proceeded to tag my usual victims.. shame on you!

Anyway here's the game. Open the book nearest your computer (and be honest not something artsy-fartsy so you can impress everyone) turn to page 56 and post the 5th sentence, plus a bit before and after for context.

Humm, well right next to my computer is a copy of the Virginia POA Act, revised edition.. not so interesting, trust me on this. So the next closest being my bedside table. On the top of the precarious stack is So Me, by Graham Norton. Yes, I adore Graham Norton, sue me.

On St. Patrick's Day a film crew was in the bar we were in near Vie de France. The people I was with brought the camera crew over because I was Irish. They asked me how I was planning to celebrate the saint's day. Full of lager and confidence I replied "I'm going to drink and drink and then go home and get sick" Well, I learnt a valuable lesson about programme making. When it was broadcast on the news the piece wasn't about St. Patrick's Day, it was about new tougher drunk driving legislation and by the time they edited my comments into the piece, I looked like some sort of crazed killer. Thankfully I don't vomit any more.

Well I'll choose the following victims and leave it up to them whether they wish to play along or not- Oh Al dear, you really haven't enough serious things to do you know.. yes you may yell at me later. I'm sure Jeff is reading something interesting, as no doubt is Red and his partner in crime The Maine Gay. The lovely Miss Booda, having escaped incineration hopefully didn't pack all her books to prepare to decamp if needed.

Now, I think I need to go attend to the teetering tower 'o books next to the bed before they fall on me or one of the dogs in the middle of the night.

I give myself excellent advice, I however rarely ever take it.

2008-11-12T17:01:00.000-05:00

I should have heeded my own advice, asking “What next?” is an open invitation to more chaos.. But no, I had to open my big mouth..

I have indeed been much absent from blog land here of late due to overwhelming responsibilities requiring my attention. Also things have been such that anything that was likely to come out of my mouth would merely sound like annoying whining, and we know how I detest that..

Anyway, my thanks to my VGP for letting me ramble on, I do expect however when I pop up on caller ID , you most likely have to debate whether you pick up the phone or not, as it must be getting tiresome! But my loving thanks to Tater Bug, Tony and Al for stoically listening to me babble.. And Wills, check your junk email box dear, just in case I’ve landed there.. that or you just don’t love me anymore, sniffle… And all the lovely emails have been much appreciated dears, and to those of you that didn’t get a response, you’ll just have to forgive me this time.

Let’s see, where were we? The Beast is home convalescing. I’m somewhat concerned that he’s not progressing quite as well as either the doctor or I had presumed he would, but then again I will take slow over not at all any day of the week. My darling one and only nephew (son of Brother #1) had a rather nasty accident and crushed his right hand, numerous pins and a lengthy surgery later it appears that he’ll regain full use and all will be well. The Hurricane broke his right index finger playing football a few days ago, no shock there, the kid ought to have his own triage nurse by now honestly. The following day Brother #1, a generally cautious and methodical man if there ever was one, tried to sever his left index finger at work. All is well, no permanent damage.

The coup de gras to the hand related accidents (weird, huh?) I tried to slice my left thumb off the Thursday evening before Halloween while carving pumpkins. Thirty some odd years of disemboweling jack ‘o lanterns with nary a scratch and I had to pick now for the spectacular accident. Five stitches- and I have very small hands. Actually I was laughing my ass off as I was driving home from the ER.. I called Baby Sister and she was convinced I finally went off the high board and into the deep end. Hey, laugh or lose your mind.

Let’s see, other than that I have been much occupied at work. The general getting a brand new practice up and running and getting ready for a large open house to debut Doogie Houser MD to the community. Well we all know how I love to throw a party, but I’m having a bit of trouble getting into it truthfully, but hopefully it will indeed be a swell affair. My house looks like a herd of wildebeest migrated through and I find it very dismaying as I really haven’t had the time to address the accumulating chaotic mess. I tried hiring a wife/Beast sitter, it hasn’t worked out so well. Swell idea in theory, in practice I guess I chose the wrong candidate. Figuring I needed the help, a friend was unemployed and getting desperate so I pay her and everyone wins, right? Not so much. How do you tell someone you genuinely like that you don’t pay for napping on the job, and the point was to help me out not create even more work for me?? I couldn’t really afford it to begin with, but I had no choice as himself is still in need of a caregiver for a little while yet and it's a little hard to ask for 5 or 6 weeks off from a job you just started and actually do NEED. Another note to self- don’t hire friends it only leads to trouble..

The entire Executrix thing has been not only mildly annoying, but somewhat more emotionally upsetting than I would have anticipated. And I’m here to tell you, shopping for headstones is a real major bummer.

See, I told you it would all just end up sounding like whining. Gee, I guess that’s because it is. Be well dears, be safe and enjoy the thought that 1/20/2009 is closer with every passing day!!!!!!!!!

Is this a karmic sign or am I just being hopeful??

2008-11-04T08:25:00.000-05:00

For the three of you who care, there is an update on the general drama coming, I swear. But this was too funny to let it sit for a week until I got around to it.
Some couples play golf or whatever together, the Beast and I vote together. Romantic, I know. Anyway, we got up at the crack of dawn to go vote before I left for work. We figured there would be a wait, so I decided to bring a camp stool, get there by 5:30, pull up and drop him off while I found a parking place. We get to the VFD and the parking lot is a zoo and folks are parking a quarter mile away or more. Since he can’t walk much yet, I was still determined to drop him off and then park and hike it on over.

I pull into the parking lot and it was a total cluster fuck.. people generally being idiots and trying to invent parking places that don’t exist so they didn’t have to walk. Beastman tells me this is not working and he’s sure he can make it from a reasonable distance. So, I decide to attempt to extricate myself from the mess. Meanwhile an asshole in a Hummer and an asshole in an Escalade (both with McCain/Palin bumper stickers -naturally) decide to totally block the only thing that passes for an egress from this disaster, blissfully unaware or simply not caring that they had cut off everyone in the entire parking lot from the only exit.

After a good bit of tricky backing and turning and maneuvering I get to the point where I’m nearly out of this disaster and what happens? Another asshole in an F-150 (guess again what he was sporting on the back of his truck) cuts off my only escape route and refuses to move- in spite of the fact that even in pitch dark it’s painfully obvious there’s no where to park and no way out but the sliver of open driveway I was trying to get through.

At this point yours truly was a wee bit annoyed, so I figure the only way out is to back up a bit further on the grass and scoot along as close to the ditch line as I could. I hear a thump on the passenger side in the rear.. Not loud enough to be a car, and I know full well there’s not a single vehicle parked on the embankment, so I was naturally wondering what the hell I could have hit, as there’s not a lot of anything that passes for a light source in the parking lot I couldn’t really make it out.

The Beast, being a terminal back seat driver, had been looking behind also. Suddenly he starts laughing hysterically. When he finally caught his breath he says “Honey, you just ran over Sarah Palin!!”

Sure enough, I had creamed the cardboard cut- out of Caribou Barbie that was parked next to the big obnoxious McCain Palin sign. He then says “Really dear, I know you can’t stand the woman, but isn’t that taking it a little too far?” I proceed to go into convulsive laughter myself and managed to not only ruin my mascara due to the tears, but also manage to give myself the hiccups.

Here’s hoping it was a sign from above!!!! Have a swell election day my dears and go get yourselves to the polls!!!!

Anyone have a spare Xanax?

2008-10-13T16:38:00.000-04:00

Because losing my shit isn't a luxury I have at the moment..

The Beast is not out of the woods yet, but the doc is cautiously optimistic. They were able to re-sect a substantial chunk of his sigmoid and if he heals properly no colostomy! Which would be a good thing, I figure it beats dead all to hell, but I'm thinking the big fella would be most unhappy should that occur. Can't say I blame him. But still, I'd rather have him alive with the bag if that's my only option, thank you very much.

The kids are actually handling this pretty well, all things considered. More than a little freaked out that this happened exactly a week after Grandpa died, but dealing with the situation well actually. After hearing the tale (granted there's morphine involved, but I know my husband and it no doubt happened exactly the way he relayed it) he was having severe stomach pain, tried the hot bath routine, jacked himself up on an insane amount of RX strength Motrin(like a moron) and passed out in the bedroom- thankfully the dogs got quite upset by this and licked and whined it appears until he came to and could dial 911.. They A) Will be getting a steak for dinner tonight and B) I will never again bitch about the mountain of dog hair on the floor, I swear. Free pass for life.

Note to self, just don't leave him alone anymore, he always lands in the hospital or does something stupid..

Off to the hospital to check in on him, and then home to do some financial projections. While we are thankfully very, very lucky in that we're well insured- I know all too well that the final liability for this fiasco is going to be most painful.

What next????

2008-10-12T22:27:00.001-04:00

Actually I really don't want to know.

Daddy's service was actually lovely- Miles Davis, some preaching and I didn't lose my shit during the eulogy. Went back to Brother #2's house to spend the night and had planned on spreading Daddy's ashes in a particular spot on the Blue Ridge Parkway he loved- The entire tribe was up, fed and ready to roll.. And I'm telling you, herding cats is easier..

And then my cell rang. The Beast went in for emergency surgery this morning got a trio of perforations in his intestines patched back together. He's stable, but guarded.

Man this has been one seriously shitty week.

Here we go..

2008-10-09T22:48:00.000-04:00

My thanks to you all for your kind thoughts, hugs and calls and emails of the past few days. Each and every one has helped make things easier. However, as my email server freaked on me totally I lost a few that I had yet to have had the time to reply to (Al, that was so very very dear- my response will have to wait until I can reconstruct)but I will get to it eventually.

Time to finish packing and hit the road in the morning. Be well dears, all your kind thoughts are packed in the bag with me for the trip south. And again, my thanks.

C'est fini..

2008-10-06T06:39:00.000-04:00

The Old Fart slipped away fairly peacefully late yesterday afternoon. He hopefully felt no pain, and I was holding his hand- in theory I guess he's at peace, I can only hope that's the case.

This one's for you Daddy, I know it's one of your favorites since you loved Herbie and Miles so much.

See y'all later, I have to go plan a funeral..

Of all medical oxymorons..

2008-10-05T10:12:00.001-04:00

I’ve always found “actively dying” to be the most peculiar, I do suppose it’s apt after a fashion however, as the body is actively trying to get it over and done with.

Daddy is in the last lap. Thankfully after pitching a fit, he’s comfortable and on enough morphine that he prayerfully doesn’t feel a thing. While I’m sad he’s sliding into that morphine induced comatose state for my brother’s sakes- I refuse to allow this to be painful for him, he’s had enough pain the past few years. While I have some small amount of guilt for being his own personal PCA (as Buddyboy aptly put it) I did tell them 4 days ago to get the hell up here if they had anything to say to him- the fact that they waited till now isn’t my fault. As both of them know I don't kid about that sort of thing and I surely don't make pronouncements of that nature unless I'm pretty damn sure I'm right..

My little break for my head is nearly over, and I have to go back to being the family pragmatist (bitch) and make with more phone calls and arrangements and such before I head back to the hospital.

Be well my dears, and call someone you love today just for the hell of it.

Crappy video-

2008-09-21T20:32:00.001-04:00

great song.. I always loved these guys. and I bet you money Sling drank cheap brown liquor (or something involving a worm) with these guys.. Sometimes you just need a little silly.

Listen to me now-

2008-09-18T20:55:00.002-04:00

It has been said more than once that physically I am a carbon copy of my Mamma, but I am my Daddy's daughter.. True enough. After unloading the baggage and trying to have a genuine relationship with the man, I realize that with water, bridges etcetera, we can only find some middle ground and truthfully will probably never come to genuine understanding, and certainly no thunderous moment of revelation on his part in respect to past and present. But if nothing else I know he loves me as much as he is capable of, and as a parent he did what he could with what he had. Baby Sister's theory is that might be why I tend to try and be Wonder Mom sometimes. Perhaps yes, perhaps I just really dig my kids and love watching them turn into viable competent, compassionate, fully functioning adult humans.. That's my story and I'm sticking with it. Personally I think we won the big genetic lotto in that department and I'm pretty well eternally grateful.. random chance won out here totally, and I am in no way looking that gift horse in the mouth.

Either way I have a little time to finish mending the remaining fences and I plan on trying to do exactly that. Mamma went out of the blue, and there was much left unsaid. I don't care to have a repeat performance. His love of music made me sing. His love of architecture and graphic design gave me a pretty damn good critical eye, his love of food and wine gave me an appreciation of a much wider world than a girl from a small town would normally have (pre-internet) and his very liberal political views gave me a window on compassion and a hope for the way the world could be if we just got our collective shit together as a species.. So the total asshole parts I'm just letting go, plain and simple.

So, Tony stick the pencils in you ears.. or just look up the lyrics- For everyone else, this pretty well sums it up in a nutshell.

Have a swell weekend darlings, I'm going to feed the family unit and go see the Old Fart..

And there you have it-

2008-09-18T20:55:00.000-04:00

My word, there’s been an awful lot going on!

Doogie Houser MD land has been most intense as I have been trying to get the big empty space stocked with all the furnishings and general stuff and training staff and trying to liaison with the EMR company from hell.. Along with a bazillion other little minor details.. My head hurts.

The family isn’t dealing with the whole Mom works half an hour away thing too well; the adjustment is proving to be most difficult. Unlike my darling Cuz Lorraine, I’m not getting quite the pitching in commitment I was lead to believe I was going to have… In his defense the shit has hit the fan for him at work, and he just doesn’t multitask..

Daddy is back in the hospital- the Doc finally came straight with me and told me he pretty much has about six months to live. The right side of my brain is in no way surprised, the left side is devastated. The number of decisions to be made are mind boggling- Unfortunately I really can’t drop this bomb on Baby Sister till next week-

Why? She’s in the most intense week of her professional life at the moment, and in spite of the fact her bosses adore her, she really has borne the brunt of the care giving and can’t take any timeout until the big bosses are gone- give it two weeks if she’s lucky.. I can’t lay that on her right now.. So Daddy goes to Rehab again and we find a good and safe place for him to go.. Neither of us can quit work to be 24/7 caregivers right now, so it is what it is..

But somehow I still feel guilty..

And thanks t o the best virtual gay posse ever for keeping me sane

Finally, a verbalization of my thoughts-

2008-09-11T18:52:00.000-04:00

and my utter moral nausea.. But then again Keith Olbermann usually has an amazing way of verbalizing precisely what I'm feeling.

Well I thought it was absolutely hysterical..

2008-09-09T14:24:00.000-04:00

So I was at the bank waiting for the most awesome teller in the world, Babs, to finish taking care of a little phone transaction before she could wait on me yesterday. And for the record- she really is awesome, I go way out of my loop to deal with her whenever possible. Any way..

As I'm standing there idly staring around the lobby of the lovely old building I notice the FDIC sign that's in every bank in the US-

FDIC NOTICE

"Deposits backed by the full faith and credit of the United States Government"

I busted out in hysterical laughter and thought "Well aren't we all screwed?" I literally laughed so hard I was nearly in tears.

I think my old buddy Babs is now convinced I've finally slipped my leash.

Closets

2008-09-08T10:17:00.000-04:00

Both metaphorical and literal..

All my loyal readers (all three of you) are well aware that I am in the blogging closet. Why? As previously noted this is my space to vent my various petty personal annoyances and random stupidity, with the occasional light- hearted fluff thrown in for good measure. Since most of said venting involves those nearest and dearest, having to severely edit myself would more or less make that impossible, no?

Recently a blogging buddy of mine inquired as to why I refrain from tackling the “larger: issues” more frequently- as I have no compunctions about littering the internet with vocal opinions on a variety of subjects using this nom de guerre, among others. Well dear heart, since you asked..

I need a place to process, a non -judgmental little hole to retreat to from time to time where the regulars are pleasant and quite charming. Sort of like the bar I worked in through college.. I like having a quiet little corner sans invective (other than my own naturally) that my over the top little self can just be my over the top little self. Self- editing takes many forms after all. In the course of a day I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend, businessperson, boss and involved community member. In all those various daily roles, in reality a small portion of the real me requires some judicious editing. In the end we all are a construct of the various aspects of our lives and personality when it comes to the totality of our psyche. I respect and admire people that can just lay the entirety of their life out there for all the world to see. I simply happen not be one of those people. Frankly many of the people I encounter daily I really have no desire for them to know any more about me than they need to.

Ah well, still waters may run deep my dears, but the turbulent ones often run far deeper, and with far more tumultuous currents.

Now, you’ll have to excuse me as I must clean out the shoe shrine and tidy up my closet in preparation for having to get back to showing up at a “real” office again every day next week. I rather think I’m ready for it, but I must admit, being able to work in jeans and my favorite old red cashmere sweater whilst barefoot with no make up has been rather a pleasant break from the prior 20 years of pulling out the suit and heels five days a week.

Email from the great unknown

2008-09-04T18:17:00.000-04:00

If it's spam, they must know me quite well! I must say I found the following quite illuminating dear hearts, read on.. (Not that she didn't scare the shit out of me already mind you)

John McCain just celebrated his 72nd birthday. If elected, he'd be the oldest president ever inaugurated. And after months of slamming Barack Obama for "inexperience," here's who John McCain has chosen to be one heartbeat away from the presidency: a right-wing religious conservative with no foreign policy experience, who until recently was mayor of a town of 9,000 people.

Huh?

Who is Sarah Palin? Here's some basic background:

--She was elected Alaska's governor a little over a year and a half ago. Her previous office was mayor of Wasilla, a small town outside Anchorage. She has no foreign policy experience.1

--Palin is strongly anti-choice, opposing abortion even in the case of rape or incest.2

--She supported right-wing extremist Pat Buchanan for president in 2000. 3

--Palin thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.4

--She's doesn't think humans are the cause of climate change.5

--She's solidly in line with John McCain's "Big Oil first" energy policy. She's pushed hard for more oil drilling and says renewables won't be ready for years. She also sued the Bush administration for listing polar bears as an endangered species—she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in Alaska.6

How closely did John McCain vet this choice? He met Sarah Palin once at a meeting. They spoke a second time, last Sunday, when he called her about being vice-president. Then he offered her the position.7
This is information the American people need to see. Please take a moment to forward this email to your friends and family.

We also asked some people who watch Alaskan politics what the rest of us should know about their governor. The response was striking. Here's a sample:

She is really just a mayor from a small town outside Anchorage who has been a governor for only 1.5 years, and has ZERO national and international experience. I shudder to think that she could be the person taking that 3AM call on the White House hotline, and the one who could potentially be charged with leading the US in the volatile international scene that exists today. —Rose M., Fairbanks, AK

She is VERY, VERY conservative, and far from perfect. She's a hunter and fisherwoman, but votes against the environment again and again. She ran on ethics reform, but is currently under investigation for several charges involving hiring and firing of state officials. She has NO experience beyond Alaska. —Christine B., Denali Park, AK

As an Alaskan and a feminist, I am beyond words at this announcement. Palin is not a feminist, and she is not the reformer she claims to be. —Karen L., Anchorage, AK

Alaskans, collectively, are just as stunned as the rest of the nation. She is doing well running our State, but is totally inexperienced on the national level, and very much unequipped to run the nation, if it came to that. She is as far right as one can get, which has already been communicated on the news. In our office of thirty employees (dems, republicans, and nonpartisans), not one person feels she is ready for the V.P. position.—Sherry C., Anchorage, AK

She's vehemently anti-choice and doesn't care about protecting our natural resources, even though she has worked as a fisherman. McCain chose her to pick up the Hillary voters, but Palin is no Hillary. —Marina L., Juneau, AK

I think she's far too inexperienced to be in this position. I'm all for a woman in the White House, but not one who hasn't done anything to deserve it. There are far many other women who have worked their way up and have much more experience that would have been better choices. This is a patronizing decision on John McCain's part- and insulting to females everywhere that he would assume he'll get our vote by putting "A Woman" in that position.—Jennifer M., Anchorage, AK

So Governor Palin is a staunch anti-choice religious conservative. She's a global warming denier who shares John McCain's commitment to Big Oil. And she's dramatically inexperienced.

In picking Sarah Palin, John McCain has made the religious right very happy. And he's made a very dangerous decision for our country.

In the next few days, many Americans will be wondering what McCain's vice-presidential choice means. Please pass this information along to your friends and family.

Sources:

1. "Sarah Palin," Wikipedia, Accessed August 29, 2008
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin

2. "McCain Selects Anti-Choice Sarah Palin as Running Mate," NARAL Pro-Choice America, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17515&id=13661-3372013-rnyyNpx&t=1

3. "Sarah Palin, Buchananite," The Nation, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17736&id=13661-3372013-rnyyNpx&t=2

4. "'Creation science' enters the race," Anchorage Daily News, October 27, 2006
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17737&id=13661-3372013-rnyyNpx&t=3

5. "Palin buys climate denial PR spin—ignores science," Huffington Post, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17517&id=13661-3372013-rnyyNpx&t=4

6. "McCain VP Pick Completes Shift to Bush Energy Policy," Sierra Club, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17518&id=13661-3372013-rnyyNpx&t=5

"Choice of Palin Promises Failed Energy Policies of the Past," League of Conservation Voters, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17519&id=13661-3372013-rnyyNpx&t=6

"Protecting polar bears gets in way of drilling for oil, says governor," The Times of London, May 23, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17520&id=13661-3372013-rnyyNpx&t=7

7 "McCain met Palin once before yesterday," MSNBC, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=21119&id=13661-3372013-rnyyNpx&t=8

Yet another reason -

2008-09-03T13:24:00.000-04:00

I love my dear Cuz Lorraine..

As always, hysterical. And spot on!

"It's getting breezy here in New Orleans", she said..

2008-08-31T20:47:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty terrified. Spoke with Buddyboy and Mrs. Buddyboy- they're staying in NOLA. I got fairly hysterical when he dropped this bomb.. He figures he's a doctor, he moved there because the people needed doctors and he's not going. So if he's not going, she's not going. "Oh we live Uptown, it doesn't flood here". Yeah well flying debris, lack of electricity, massive flooding everywhere else and looters might be something to take into consideration! Just sayin'.. And hell, NO ONE IS THERE!! All the smart people got the fuck out- so who ya gonna doctor there smart guy?? The last message was "There's not a soul in sight and it's getting rather breezy." Jesus, Joseph, Mary, Allah, Mohammad, Shiva, Kali, Buddha and all the rest of y'all please bestow the blessings of safety on his stubborn ass (and herself and the cats as well, especially my boy Elvis) I beg you!!

Where will we go with the cats he asks? The fucking Super 8 in Houston sounds good to me! Drive the fuck back to Virginia- somewhere, anywhere but there!!! But he's a stubborn, stubborn man, no amount of my hysteria is going to move him. I am trying not to obsess, the family took away the remote and has denied me access to the Weather Channel.

Mr. Charles and Edgar are safe at his sister's in Arizona enjoying a bit of a dry holiday. He was the smart one, he got out early! Doogie Houser MD and his family were en route back from a holiday in Mexico when all inbound flights were cut off- so they're stranded in Houston. Which is probably a good thing. Packing up the baby and the Pops and Mom and sitting in gridlock on the interstate heading for, why yes -Houston, would have sucked. Gonna make it really hard to sell the house however.. Pretty sick irony right on the heels of the Katrina anniversary, huh? But to their credit they are doing a pretty good job getting folks evacuated. With the exception of stubborn people. And even if they order mandatory evacuation, he's crucial hospital staff (He up and volunteered) so I guess it's too late now.

I hope all the residents of the Gulf coast and all the islands that have been so hard hit already come through this safe and sound! And here's hoping Hanna veers back out to sea and Gustav doesn't reach category 5 prior to landfall.. Even if you don't pray folks- think good thoughts.

Well that year just flew by..

2008-08-26T09:02:00.000-04:00

According to Jeff's new math I'm 1007 today.. And I actually feel like it too.

I think I'll go treat myself to some moisturizer.. and a bottle of champagne.

Paging Miss Dora's Mojo!

2008-08-23T16:28:00.000-04:00

Please meet the rest of your party at the courtesy desk.. Motivation, Organization and Confidence are waiting for you…

I’m treading water here dear ones, truly. Time was when I was motivated, organized and a force to be reckoned with. When my feet hit the floor in the morning Satan shuddered and said to himself “Oh shit! She’s awake!” What the hell has happened here? The sloth of working out of the house? I don’t think so really, I got things done in a timely basis. Old and lost my edge? Guess it’s possible. The last couple of months I seem to be simply reacting and putting out fires. Both domestic and professional. I’m procrastinating as opposed to organizing and dealing with the chaos. In short I’m a bloody mess and had best get my shit together in real short order. And I do mean REAL short order..

I really am looking forward to the new job- he’s a swell guy, I genuinely like him and get his vision. And this is the sort of challenge that once upon a time got me fired up, made me take charge, put on my big bitch pumps and make things happen. As opposed to feeling in over my head and overwhelmed.. And if I fuck this up, this nice earnest young doctor gets fucked (along with his family) in the process.. And mine too ultimately.

I really need to find my mojo- so if you see the bitch, please tell her to get her ass home pronto!!

Free to a good home-

2008-08-20T21:31:00.000-04:00

16 year old female child. 4.65 weighted GPA, fairly well mannered. Smart mouth and perverse sense of humor. Serious inquiries only.

References required.

Whenever I'm feeling particularly ill tempered..

2008-08-17T10:52:00.000-04:00

I walk out on the back deck and look at this view-

The world really can still be an awfully pretty place.

Off to play paintball with a gaggle of jacked up 11 year olds for the Hurricane's birthday. I expect I'll have to take a walk out to look at the view this evening..

I'm back Dear ones!!!

2008-08-04T17:50:00.000-04:00

Much like Katrina, the brave souls of NOLA survived me hitting town too.. I had a ball! In spite of the ghastly heat, the rain, the oil spill and the grumpy husband (he had to actually WORK) I sashayed forth and had myself a fine time.

So the recap -cause I promised Tate, Wills and Tony. And fair warning to Al, syntax, grammar, punctuation and proper usage went right on out the door with this one honey..

The trip down was more or less uneventful. I however must state for the record I hate flying. Not the actual being in the air part, that bothers me not one whit. The bullshit that now accompanies getting in and out of the airport before one can actually embark or disembark one’s flight has become damn near unendurable as far as yours truly is concerned. The trip back? That's a whole 'nuther very long post in and of itself..

Anyhoo.. got in late, so we more or less grabbed a drink, ate and fell in bed. Sunday was hot, but pleasant- did a walkabout with the Beast. The heat was more than he could manage, so we decided to take in a movie just for the hell of it- not to mention the air conditioning!

Beastman had to start actually working Monday, so little ole’ me unleashed herself on the unsuspecting citizens of La Nouvelle Orléans for the rest of the week. Long, long meanders through the Vieux Carré. No particular destination, which in my opinion is the best sort of walk to take after all.. And lovely long strolls up St. Charles, turning left or right depending on the mood of the moment.

The thing I adore about NOLA, aside from the genuinely friendly folks, is the fact it’s one of those cities I always feel genuinely at home in. I like visiting LA, but I feel like a stranger in a strange land, ditto for NY (ironic that I lived there a bit) and Miami. There are a few cities however that I have instantly fallen in love with and could quite happily settle down in- Savannah, Charleston, San Francisco and NOLA. And oddly enough I am generally taken for a citizen of said fair cities when there, which says nothing about me, but speaks volumes about the manner in which I felt welcomed into those lovely places.

Yes, I digress, as usual..

So I ate, and ate and ate.. Dressed up, why yes I can tell you’re shocked. Indulged in retail therapy, had some fab cocktails- dang do I love Herbsaint and Sazeracs- boy howdy!! And walked an insane amount, given the heat.

OK, you’re bored- so the highlights..

Hanging with my dear sweet Buddyboy (and Mrs. Buddyboy)- numero uno and the entire reason I decided to be baggage on this trip. The new house is lovely. Up St. Charles and 4 blocks riverside on a street that discretion keeps me from naming.. We had a delightful visit and a long chat, followed by an exquisite late lunch at La Petite Grocery on Magazine St.. to die for!! Fantastic! Went back to the house and had another long chat fest before I had to head back downtown. As usual it was a bittersweet state of affairs, consisting of him joking about convincing me to move and me pointing out the painfully obvious.. Both of us managed not to cry. OK, I did get a bit teary on the streetcar, I admit it. It’s hard to be reminded someone that close to you emotionally is so far away physically. And we had a lovely lunch the following day and a bit shorter visit- not like the man can just stop working for me.. So I was happy as always to spend some time with my dear friend, and very sad at parting. Email and phone calls are all well and good, but for people that have known one another so long they can finish each other’s sentences and have a conversation with a few well-placed expressions, the distance can be a bit sad.

Went to Dickie Brennan’s for dinner with the big bosses (doing the charming wife thing- yes, I know that’s one hell of a stretch) and John Goodman held the door for me like a perfect gentleman.. He's really lost a lot of weight.

I met the most adorable retired drag queen, henceforth known as Mr. Charles. It was early in the morning and raining so my umbrella and I went walking. I think that’s a great time to see any city myself, as the tourists stay in. So I took a walkabout with no particular destination.

Way the hell down near the end of Chartres I see a very wet Scottie running down the middle of the street about to have an unpleasant altercation with a trash truck. The little guy way trailing a leash, so I just grabbed for it (sorry but I really had no desire to get squished either) and reeled him in. Thankfully do harm done! Well I checked the little guy’s collar and it said “Edgar” and had a phone number. Humm, since I had Monsieur Edgar, an umbrella and a bag in the pouring rain I decided to set off in the general direction he came from prior to trying the juggling act of dog, umbrella, bag and cell whilst reading his collar..

About two blocks down an older gentleman in a white linen suit (obviously bespoke) started with a pearl clutching wail of “Edgar, you nearly ended my life!!!” Well, I rightly assumed we had found Monsieur Edgar’s Daddy.

Well bless his heart, the dear thing thanked me and offered me breakfast and I really did attempt to refuse.. I think the term we’re looking for is “force of nature”. Granted I was going to walk him on home anyway since I had a dirty shivering doggie in my arms that would have totally trashed his suit,. and the old dear had both a cane and umbrella.. I agreed to walk home with him for the aforementioned reason but stated quite clearly that I had no intention of putting him out..

He clearly had other intentions, or merely chose not to hear me. My money is on the former as opposed to the latter.

We entered an apartment I can only describe as “apartment as a Fabergé egg”, or Diana Vreeland’s apartment in miniature. Nope, never been there, but I’ve seen enough pictures.

Well I was pretty well a soaked, muddy mess and terrified of the upholstery and carpets.. He tried to collect the dog but I opted to ask for a towel before letting Edgar near that suit! So, with Monsieur Edgar dried off, and comfortably being chastised (i.e.- loved within an inch of his little life) Mr. Charles instructed (I think demanded is closer) me to go dry off and wash up for breakfast. Let’s just say that was a Yes Ma’am situation.. Those of you that know me well realize I can be a bit forceful myself– so you can imagine the type of personality it takes for me to be obedient..

What an utterly delightful morning! After I tided up as best I could, Mr. Charles made me coffee, forced me to take a healthy snort of Herbsaint (to ward off a chill- umm humm) and took me on a tour of his precious apartment. Aside from the fact that it was absolutely gorgeous, the pictures were beyond fascinating! Mr. Charles and his partner (who passed in 2003) all over the world, Mr., Charles in full drag as a headliner in the late seventies through the eighties. Part of me felt so sad that he had lost his love of nearly 50 years, but part of me felt so happy that he had such a wonderful time- and frankly still was enjoying life. Anyway the old dear insisted on breakfast and I refused unless I cooked ;) So we fussed in the kitchen together. We came up with an unusual variation on eggs benedict, but it was pretty damn good if I do say so myself. An interesting morning, and a lovely new friend. Since he doesn’t do electronics, we’ll continue the friendship via snail mail. Damn, I hope my personalized stationary is up to snuff.. it's engraved, y'all think that will be OK??

*An aside- I did go back to say goodbye to the old dear before I left (and show him all the dresses I bought) and the hugs and tears made me feel like I really was taking leave of an old and dear friend, funny, huh??

Let’s see, after that I could recount all the meals in minutiae and so forth and bore you to tears (why yes, I am actually aware you probably got there quite some time ago) but let it suffice to say it was lovely, other than those couple of being the obligatory charming wife bits with the big bosses.. I had a hell of a good time.

I’m awfully pleased I talked myself into it.

See you darlings in about a week..

2008-07-25T18:24:00.000-04:00

Heading for NOLA! I'm planning to eat my way through town, dress up as much as humanly possible and spend some excellent quality time with my dear Buddyboy. And naturally Mrs. Buddyboy and my boy Elvis, the coolest cat in the universe!)

Gonna wander the garden district in my new fabulous red dress with my white parasol, eat myself silly, listen to some great music, dance at a really good fais do do with the one and only Bruce Daigrepont and generally have a hell of a good time sans kids..

Y'all be nice to each other and take care, see you in about a week.

Under the heading of -WHY?-

2008-07-16T14:14:00.000-04:00

What is it with this administration that it is so hell bent on destruction? Here at home as well as abroad. Not only is this another example of being plain not right, but it begs the question WHY?? Is this screwing up Cheney's Elk hunting or something? I really don't get it- this reasoning is the same they more or less used to start slaughtering wild bison because of less than a hundred cattle that got in their way.. I thought perhaps I was missing the big picture, so I asked a friend who happens to be a third generation rancher in Montana. We'll he's pretty sick about it actually, but I grant you tends to be a live and let live kind of guy.. I'm sorry I just can't fathom this shit at all. Read it and if you can give me an explanation, please do, because I really must be missing something in this somewhere.

The restoration of the gray wolf in the Northern Rockies is one of America's greatest environmental success stories. Wolves were reintroduced to Yellowstone and the central Idaho wilderness in 1995 after being exterminated by settlers, trappers and the federal government. Since then, these new populations have increased to 1,500 or so animals. Wolves play a crucial role in the ecosystems of the Northern Rockies, helping to preserve riparian forests and maintain healthy populations of raptors and coyotes. They are also a boon to the region's economy, generating tens of millions of dollars in tourist revenue each year.

But Rocky Mountain wolves are now in grave danger. In March 2008, the Bush Administration stripped gray wolves in Greater Yellowstone and across the Northern Rockies of endangered species protection. Earlier in the year, the administration issued a new rule allowing the slaughter of hundreds of these wolves. Entire packs of wolves could be gunned down from airplanes in minutes. In fact, the federal government has already spent our tax dollars to buy two planes for the purpose of aerial gunning.

Both Idaho and Wyoming have made it clear that they intend to take their wolf populations down to minimum levels. In Idaho, the governor himself boasted, "I'm prepared to bid for that first ticket to shoot a wolf myself." The Bush Administration's new rule would allow Idaho to realize its dream of killing every last wolf -- 60 in all -- in the Clearwater River wilderness region. Ultimately, the state wants to kill up to 85 percent of its approximately 780 wolves. Under this cruel plan, even wolf pups could be killed.

Wyoming's plans are equally brutal. The state classifies wolves as "predatory animals" in most of the state. As predators, wolves could be shot on sight anywhere by anyone at anytime. In the 80 percent of Wyoming outside the Yellowstone area, wolves will now be killed in unlimited numbers -- with no licenses or permits required.
By authorizing these wolf killing plans, the Bush Administration is catering to the hunting community, which wants the ease of hunting elk in the same places and in the same numbers that they've grown accustomed to. Yet, elk populations are at all-time highs across the Northern Rockies and above objectives in all three states. In fact, the game and fish agencies in the region are taking steps to reduce their elk herds.

Wolves are being targeted because of a few cases where elk herds have declined. But these declines have been caused by many factors, including drought, shrinking habitat and human hunters -- not just wolves. Under the Bush Administration's plan, wolves alone will be blamed for any and all declines in a few elk populations. And that will be grounds enough for shooting and trapping hundreds of wolves across two states. Wolves will be killed for doing what they are supposed to do: maintain a healthy ecosystem by preying on elk.

Instead of killing wolves, Wyoming and Idaho should be redoubling their efforts to protect them in the face of mounting development and other habitat destruction. The Bush Administration should protect wolves under the Endangered Species Act until the states have plans in place to ensure that wolf populations will flourish in the future. They should make certain that connections are maintained between the three populations in the Northern Rockies so that these populations remain genetically healthy. These ecological bridges are increasingly important as rural sprawl and industrial development continue to fragment wolf habitat throughout the region.

This is just really, really fucked up.

Because I love her..

2008-07-12T13:10:00.000-04:00

And also for a very dear and loving friend of mine that makes all burdens easier to bear just knowing you're out there.

And additionally I have always wanted to know what moisturizer she uses.. I'm convinced there's a portrait stuffed in an attic somewhere.

Home again, home again..

2008-07-10T11:05:00.000-04:00

I managed to do no grave physical damage nor apply duct tape in creative ways to any family member, are you not proud of me?

First off, I do genuinely love them- however in my mind there can indeed be such a thing as too much togetherness.. So I tend to try and make sure we all get a little alone time somewhere in the course of any trip. I could have used a wee bit more truthfully..

Knowing full well that this bastion of north woods tacky offended my sensibilities, The Beast further realized, upon entry to said hotel, this was akin to taking a day off from your kids and choosing to go to Chuck E Cheese for lunch- He tried to make amends as best he could, which was duly noted and appreciated. The spa was not bad, I wouldn’t make a day trip to get there, but all in all more than adequate. As the area is also the land of major outlets, I did do some power shopping. This nearly made up for hundreds of small screaming children in an indoor water park. Which I have to admit, was pretty darn well done for a self contained attraction.. And as the weather sucked, it turned into a good thing, as the Hurricane would have been bored out of his skull.. However, the lad seemed to not understand that there’s only so much time an adult human is going to spend immersed in chlorine going down water slides and thus got a bit of an attitude when I drew the line at around 4 hours.. but thankfully I wasn’t forced to jerk a knot in him, so it all worked out.

Well the night before departure the boys were a bit cranky and had no desire to go out for dinner, so I ordered a pizza and abandoned them to take Miss Thing out for dinner. It was genuinely delightful. Fabulous meal, exceptional service and the chef was absolutely adorable and plied us with a lovely lagniappe in the form of a few small plates. Most satisfactory, all the way around. But truthfully it was fun spending time with my girl. She loved our spa time together, but she really seemed to get a kick out of having me to herself for a very adult meal. She’s growing up so fast, it was nice to be able to sit and appreciate her as a teenager for a little bit, a mature teen I grant you, but still possessed of those few fun things that make them enjoyable at that age- when you are graced with one of their non butthead moments, grab them!

Now to go forth and tackle Mt. Washmore and get things back to what passes for normal around here.. How the hell can four people generate that much laundry?

Only in my world..

2008-07-03T09:09:00.000-04:00

Heading out for our interrupted vacation here in a bit- I'll tell you the entire tale later, but the reader's digest condensed version is as follows:

The lake house was rented last week by a pack 'o Bubbas. The Bubbas decided to do a fish fry the last night they had the rental. The Bubbas proceeded to catch the kitchen on fire (yes, really). Couldn't check in as planned, thankfully the nice owner called before we had hit the road.

So, no lake house.. The Beast took matters in his own hands and made reservations at a resort in Williamsburg. I was OK with this, there are some pretty swanky resorts down that way. Oh hell no, he booked us into The Great Wolf Lodge. Mickey Mouse mated with a she wolf from Alaska and they spat this chain of "family friendly" resorts out.. Great, screaming munchkins en masse running about, with an indoor waterpark and ghastly decor to boot. At least there's a full service bar and a spa.

I'll tell you all the no doubt interesting details upon my return. And if you see something on CNN about a murder/suicide in those parts, you'll know the true story.

Have a swell holiday my dears!

Goddess save me..

2008-06-27T12:20:00.001-04:00

It's that time of year again folks. The family summer vacay. Don't get me wrong, I really do love them dearly, in spite of the fact that there are days when I contemplate the myriad applications of duct tape. Just shoot me now, OK?

Now y'all know full well this ain't a Ward, June and the kids kinda household... Which often makes for a fair amount of fun. And equally as often makes for severe irritation. I myself am not a big believer in forced fun. Whilst one can and should plan, the kids are at the age that some real flexibility needs to be built into the scenario. Sixteen is just a shitty age, OK? Miss Thing is by and large a delight and always has been, but she's sixteen for crying out loud! There's only so much family togetherness your average teenager is going to tolerate before the big ass 'tude makes it's appearance. The Hurricane is getting too big for his britches here of late, perfectly age appropriate for a nearly 11 year old male child in my opinion. The Beast however isn't quite as understanding.. Let the games begin! Remind me to pack my striped shirt and whistle, OK?

Now my idea of a vacation tends to be one where my lazy ass does as little as possible. Preferably involving a very nice hotel, a spa, a very nice pool and really good resturants. I personally see nothing wrong with this viewpoint. While I am in no way adverse to fun, games and activity- quite frankly I want my sorry ass to be waited on! I wait on other people the other 50 or so weeks out of the year, this to me does not seem to be an unreasonable criteria. I tip extremely well and I am never rude, I figure this balances the karma.

So what has the vote been for this year you ask? Oh let's rent a lake house! Swell! I get to cook, clean and scale fish in another house- fabulous!! Now I realize this is bitchy. I realize I should grant myself lucky to have the luxury of a summer vacation.. I know I'm being selfish. But this is simply not a vacation for yours truly. And I'm sorry but the assurance of "We'll go out for dinner a couple of nights" just isn't cutting it for me. I'm sure there at least has to be a decent day spa within driving distance, right? Oh hell no! Remind me to hit the Beverages Plus store before departing.

So in the interest of family harmony and karmic realignment I vent this nastiness on you fine people so I can get over it. Sorry y'all. And yes, obviously I really am a shallow bitch.

Have a swell weekend, a lovely 4th of July and go forth and be kind to your fellow humans. Carry on..

Well imagine that!

2008-06-20T08:17:00.000-04:00

I've been babbling into the ether for an entire year now.. It's been an interesting year in many ways. I've learned a bit about myself, I've made some wonderful new friends along the way, and I managed to bore you fine people into insensibility for twelve whole months..

Thank you all for your support, the laughs and the friendship! Get out there and enjoy the solstice folks..

Farewell-

2008-06-18T16:06:00.000-04:00

My inspiration to dance at a very young age, the incomparable and amazing Cyd Charisse.. She had a physicality that few female dancers of that era possessed. She could hold her own with Kelley and Astaire with the table trick and jumps and props- but had that classic elegance and technique that made her absolutely mesmerizing.. That and I love a fellow brunette with an attitude.

May she rest in peace.

Busy, busy, busy..

2008-06-18T12:15:00.001-04:00

I have been properly chastised for not at least trying to pop in on a more regular basis around these parts. Things have been just bat shit crazy the past couple of weeks. The end of school was the usual rush of multiple functions, final exam stress spillover and other fun bits. I'm trying to get Daddy's 80th birthday party pulled together. You try pulling one of those off in a rehab facility..OY!! My advice? Don't. What a pain in the ass. You'd think birthdays were some sort of foreign concept to these people or something.

And, as a few of you know, I finally got a job! Why yes I realize two kids, a house, two dogs and a helpless man is a full time job, thank you very much- I mean the kind with a check and a retirement plan. I'll still be working out of the house until probably early September, and I can't say going back to herding doctors was really what I wanted to do, but hey I'm good at it and he's willing to pay me a more than reasonable salary. He's very nice, and very young. I'll have to stop referring to him as "Doogie Howser, M.D." or it's going to slip out at an inopportune moment if I'm not careful. I think it will be a good match in the long run, an earnest and bright but naive young man such as himself needs a mean old bitch like me to look out for him. Starting a practice from scratch is quite a task, but one I've done before, so in the long run I think everyone will come out OK on this deal.

Be happy, and be nice to each other ut there. Carry on..

Sweet!~

2008-06-12T17:14:00.000-04:00

I always knew I liked Dennis Kucinich.

Even if it happens 12/31/2008 it's the principle of the matter, I'd like to believe there is still accountability in this universe.

Now go write your congressperson. And if you can stomach it, read all 35 articles..

I'm fine, thanks!

2008-06-06T18:46:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post and a thanks to those of you that emailed after the big storm. The house is standing, vehicles unscathed and everyone is fine.

We finally got electricity back this afternoon!! Woo Hoo!! So after cleaning the nasty fridges and making the joint habitable, it's time for a hot meal and a very, very long hot bath!

Thanks for checking in on me brother dear, and you other lovely folks too!

Six Things-

2008-06-04T09:20:00.001-04:00

Well, Jeff tagged me so I shall respond. But I'll be a slacker and not tag in kind. Mainly because I've already irritated my friends.. But Mamma taught me it's rude to ignore a polite request from a friend.

Six Things- (Not that y'all care in the least)

What Was I Doing Ten Years Ago – 1998:

Ten years ago this month I was at Children’s Hospital INOVA with the Hurricane, scared out of my mind.

5 Things On My To Do List For Today:

Book plane ticket to NOLA in July.

Take Miss Thing’s enrollment crap over to the community college to register for dual enrollment next year.

Call Jack and find out why the brand new, very pricey, French doors are now leaking.

Figure out what the hell the Hurricane did with his baseball mitt since he has a game tonight.

Mail sympathy card to cousin Judy.

Snacks I enjoy:

Well I really do try and avoid snackage, you will note the operative word is try..
Cashews
Olive Oil & Rosemary Triscuits
Bleu Cheese
Soft pretzels
Dark chocolate (ohh, those Choxies with the sea salt and almonds, yumm)

Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire:

Establish a substantial philanthropic trust in order to be able to spread the cash around to causes I feel are worthy. And find some really smart person to run it so it becomes a genuine force for good, as opposed to tossing cash around to make me feel good about being lucky enough to get rich.

Build a fabulous house (not terribly large, just completely fabulous) someplace warm and sunny by the ocean so Tate and I can retire in comfort.

Build a house for Baby Sister and the Old Fart- with separate wings.

Pay off both Brother's mortgages.

Establish a trust for my kids that ensures they will be secure, but forces them to work for it and be productive or it goes to a home for stray cats or some such.

Indulge in the one completely disgusting, over the top and totally silly over priced article I desire- a black Hermes Kelly Bag.

Shoes, shoes and more shoes.

See the whole, entire world.

Places I Have Lived:

Charlottesville, VA

Chapel Hill, NC

NY, NY

Arlington, VA

Blogs I enjoy:

Tater, Tony, Gavin, my sweet Wills, my blog mamma Lynette, Miss Cowbell, Miss Elizabeth, Al Cousin Rainey, The Hat, Sling, Citizen of the World, that crazy Billy Pilgrim and many others, but the list grows long and my allotted bloggy time short-

Stop me, please!!

2008-06-01T10:56:00.000-04:00

Should you see me in the checkout line at Home Depot with yet another can of Behr “Colossal pain in the ass requiring 4 coats, because it’s a nightmare to work with, but undeniably fabulous” red enamel paint, please stage an intervention right there and make me take it back and leave immediately. I have obviously lost the ability to control myself in this matter.

Thanking you very kindly in advance.

Best regards,

Dora

The Nearest Book Meme

2008-05-30T17:00:00.000-04:00

Miss Elizabeth tagged me a while back and I have been very lazy about getting around to doing anything about it.

1..Pick up the nearest book.
2.Open to page 123.
3.Locate the fifth sentence.
4.Post the next three sentences on your blog and in so doing...
5.Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged me.

As the reading material closest at hand is "Principles Of ICD-9-CM Coding", I had to trot to the bedroom.

Thomas Pynchon, V.

‘The stories, by the time Profane heard them, were pretty much apocryphal and more fantasy than the record itself warranted. At no point in the twenty or so years the legend had been handed on did it occur to anyone to question the old priest’s sanity. It is this way with sewer stories, they just are, truth or falsity don’t apply.”

Let’s see now, I wonder what Taterbug is reading, and anything Al happens to be perusing ought to be interesting. Tony may still be working on Balzac, we’ll see, and Jeff ought to have something interesting going on. And I am sure my dear Wills is reading something highly enlightening at the moment..

For my Mary Poppins friend.

2008-05-30T09:06:00.000-04:00

Who is indeed practically perfect in every way, with the glaring exception of a dislike of Bono.. I expect you'll miss neither the sentiment nor my typically perverse sense of humor. Mainly because you love me in spite of myself.

We're both right dear.. Don't just listen, hear me too.

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home... hard to know what it is if you've never had one
Home... I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the hurt is

I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind
You got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress-up
All that you scheme...

I'm considering Hermit as my next career..

2008-05-29T09:25:00.000-04:00

Assumptions often annoy me. Not that y’all actually care, but a few encounters last weekend reminded me of how utterly irritating people can be when traveling. And I’m also mainly posting something so Tater will stop whining..

When I travel I tend to try and make as nice as possible with the locals. Not only is this simply common politeness, it is their home after all, but truthfully people tend to be nicer to you if you’re not behaving like a jerk. I really wish some people would return the favor.

Memorial Day weekend reminded me of why I generally hole up on the mountain and try not to venture forth unless absolutely necessary on holidays. The entire people driving like maniacs thing being one reason. I’m spoiled by living out here, as most folks generally are fairly polite drivers. You cut me off and try and kill me to get to the gas pump first, I don’t have to check your license plate honey, and I know damn well you’re not from around here.

What started this anti social rant you ask? OK, you didn’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Ice. Yes, a simple bag of ice. I realized that I had indeed neglected to lay in extra ice for the traditional weekend cookout. Cursing myself I get in the car and head on down the hill to the local market/gas station. On weekends it tends to get a little crazy down there as it’s right off the interstate, but holiday weekends are a real pain.

I digress.. So I park the car, get my ice and head for the counter to check out. There was a woman in front of me who was apparently lost. Carol, the very nice lady at the register, is obviously not getting through and the line is backing up so she sweetly asks if I can provide this person with directions. Sure, no problem. The woman states her destination is Washington. I inquire “Washington D.C. or Washington VA?” She looks at me as if I have two heads and then proceeds to speak to me as if I am a complete moron. Well I consider this a fairly simple question as, given the location, it could be either.. Virginia it is.. fine. I try and give her the fairly simple, straightforward directions and she keeps interrupting me and asking “Are you sure?” Lady, I have lived here sixteen years, yes I am quite sure. Not deterred she continues to be as rude and condescending as humanly possible. Finally I give up and give her the rest of the directions in French and walk away.

The moral of the story? If I hear, a Jersey accent, I am not going to automatically assume you’re an asshole. Don’t assume I’m some sort of inbred morn because I have a bit of an accent myself sister.. I don’t exactly sound like a bit character from Deliverance or something. At least I don’t think so.

Anyway, the point being bigoted assumptions are not confined to gender, race or sexual preference. There are plenty of people that assume the moment they cross the Mason-Dixon line that we’re all a bunch of stupid rednecks. And I’m not saying there aren’t any, but I don’t presume the minute I head north everyone is a rude, ill-mannered asshole- kindly return the favor.

Let the whining commence!!

2008-05-16T12:33:00.000-04:00

Well since two of my very favorite people are off having fun in NY without me, I’ll just pout all weekend, thank you very much. And on top of that my computer is acting all freaky on me. I had this very amusing video for my Taterbug and Tony, damn thing keeps crashing the machine, then I tried to email them a verbal Bon Voyage, ditto.. and if you guys did get 52 identical emails from me- I'm really sorry, I swear!!!! I’m getting very, very irritated.

I hope you have a fabulous time boys, and don't do anything that would land you on the cover of the Times. or in the hospital.. Perhaps it's all for the best, let's face it, I'd have kind of stuck out on Bear Hill after all. Let me know you made it home safe and sound, and I expect lots and lots of pictures!!!

I'm retiring back to the swooning couch to sob my little heart out again..

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

To all you Mothers, and to all you children- have yourselves a lovely day.

I give you the Divine Miss Billie and the always amazing and suave Count Basie. Because Mamma adored them both and some of her happiest memories were seeing them both play in numerous venues. Some of my happiest memories are recalling how her face lit up when she told me the tales of her adventures club hopping with Daddy.

The Mother and Child Reunion.

2008-05-08T23:44:00.000-04:00

The Mother and child relationship is frequently fraught with many a complication that simply doesn’t fit on your standard greeting card. Mother’s Day tends to bring up a lot of emotion, some good, some bad. For those that have a rocky relationship with their mother, it’s perhaps a time to try and step back and appreciate that she did the best she could under the circumstances. For those with an untenable relationship, a sad day wishing for a connection they might never have. For those that have lost a mother, it can be a day of both sadness and happy memories. I vote you go with the happy personally.

My relationship with Mamma was one of huge ups, and equally huge downs. The gory bits of which I shan’t get into for one simple reason- many years ago I made my peace with her and realized she did the best she could with what she had to work with. And all things considered, she really was a good mother, and in spite of my contrary nature and the fact that the universe conspired to rain undue amounts of ill fortune on her head- she loved us all, really and truly and gave it her best shot.

I like to think that trying to recall the good parts, as opposed to the ones that hurt me or made me angry isn’t denial. It happens to be my acceptance that life sometimes is wonderful and sometimes it just flat out sucks.. And sometimes, shit just happens and there’s nothing you can do about it. So for this Mother’s Day, I choose to remember the happy moments, and the things I really loved about her that made the unpleasant bits easier to dismiss as an adult.

Mamma was raised in a time and place that was a bit peculiar. She was to be polite, ladylike, marry well and be a perfect lady.. Yet her family tree was heavily littered with that near stereotype of southern woman that pulled a Scarlett and did whatever the hell she wanted..

She played sports, she went to real college, as opposed to a “school for young ladies”, she married for love, owned a business, modeled when it wasn’t something proper married women did, but did it all with such style that she was still “socially acceptable”. But I think she gave up a lot when she married Daddy, and even more when she had the four of us.

She was a piece of work, plain and simple. Watching her work the dining room was an education- she would swan into the room and you couldn't help but look. No denying she really was a genuinely beautiful woman, but it was more than that, when she turned it on there was a charisma that simply couldn't be denied. It was her element, every guest that walked into their restaurant would be subject to her personal attention, plumber or First Lady, it did not matter. Her staff both loved and feared her truthfully. She had a very discreet series of gestures for summoning and if you missed it, woe be unto you later.. trust me- I was on the tail end of that more than once.

But I think one of my favorite memories has to be when I was in junior high school- it was career day. Everyone else had their Dad come in. In strolls Mamma in this fabulous Pucci print dress and scarf with these huge Jackie shades. The entire class just sort of went “Huh?” She proceeded to explain the joys of killing yourself by being in the restaurant business for about five minutes. Then she launches into a lovely lecture about finding what really makes you happy. I totally had the coolest Mom in junior high school that day..

I think one of the hardest things for her to reconcile was being taken seriously. The most often heard comment at her funeral was “She was the most beautiful woman I ever knew”. Hey, she totally worked it, and she sure as hell used it to her advantage. Ok, it is what it is. But she was a beautiful woman that was also really smart, and very kind and she had about the most generous heart a human has the capacity to expand to. And I often wonder if her life might have been terribly different had she not been the beauty of the family. I always found it ironic that her sister wondered as well.. After mamma died her sister said to me “You know, I really think that if she’d have been a little plainer, her life would have taken a very different path “ I expect there's a lot of truth in that.

Perfect? No. Mother of the year? Probably not. But Mamma, you tried your best, you were a hell of a lot of fun during the good times, and you did always apologize, after a fashion, for the bad ones, and you had phenomenal taste and being your size was always a good thing!

As my dear friend Buddy likes to say “you roll the dice, you take your chances- and then you walk away.”

Or the one saying I always come up with that irritates the hell out of my kids "Sometimes it really just is what it is"

A Cautionary Tale-

2008-05-04T15:38:00.000-04:00

Under no circumstances should two men, a bull dozer and a twelve pack be left home alone while you run to town to take care of a few things..

Don't say I never warned you.

No video involved, how shocking!!

2008-04-30T17:49:00.000-04:00

My current spate of video blogging hath multiple reasons my dears- I’ve been both tired and lazy. Life has been a wee bit intense here of late and sometimes the easy way out is really not such a bad thing. And yes, I probably could justify my way out of damn near anything, given a minute to think.. Look at it as a gift.

Daddy is still in rehab and is not doing his usual bounce back- whole lot of weird going on there that seems to have no viable answer. Perhaps old and tired is just the only answer one can give at this point. Baby Sister is pretty well melting down in a most alarming way, for multiple reasons. It’s like herding cats, therefore I give up trying.

Miss Thing turned 16 on the 20th and a good time was indeed had by all. She was offered any celebration within reason (and outside of reason, as all she’d have had to do would be to ask Daddy) She opted for dinner at home- peculiar child. But what the hell you want me to smoke ribs for you, and make you BBQ shrimp and grits; well that’s what you get kiddo..

I’ve had a little medical weird of my own going on that seems to be nibbling away at my spare moments. Being a human pincushion is really quite time consuming. I have however had a chance to catch up on some reading whilst sitting and waiting, and waiting and waiting.. Ironic how doctors genuinely irritate the shit out of me, given the number of years I was in medical practice management, huh?

And yes, I am still job hunting, and still unsuccessfully, in the midst of all this fun, thanks for asking. But spring has sprung and all things will resolve themselves in time.

The bears are out and about, and it appears we have a troublemaker in the bunch this year. A few nights ago (or mornings more precisely) I heard a noise around 2AM on my deck. Got up to investigate, flipped on the light and there’s a damn bear balanced on the railing giving me the “What??” look. Now in and of itself this wouldn’t be too peculiar except for the fact that said deck is surrounded by an 8 foot stockade fence, and is off the second floor; now that was a first I must say.. I shooed him off and went back to bed. And hour later, here we go again, I look out my bedroom window on the first floor and what do I see but 300 pounds or so of bear butt balancing on the fence trying another route up. Stubborn bear, I must say. Most especially since I go to great lengths to coexist with them by never leaving anything out they can consider a food source. Great, I get the crazy bear! Well the nice bear biologist guy came and investigated, seems the boy has been causing havoc all over the general vicinity so it looks like he may have to be relocated if he keeps up the mischief.

Well that’s all the news that fits at the moment folks, hope you’re all well, safe and happy!

So Hat won't fret..

2008-04-29T09:55:00.000-04:00

All is well- wrong end of the state precious. It is however one hell of a mess down there and I'm thankful that the many friends we have in the vicinity weren't in the path of the tornado!

A very random Friday video

2008-04-25T16:58:00.000-04:00

Well the "video" part kind of stinks, but it's the only full version of the song I found. TV show theme or not, you have to admit it's a great song! My kids think it's hysterical that I start with the dancing every time it comes on my iTunes mix-
Just ignore the screen and open your ears...

Y'all have a wonderful weekend!

Just for a smile-

2008-04-24T21:05:00.000-04:00

The combination of the incomparable Emmylou Harris with Levon Helm and Robbie Robertson, what more can I say? From my favorite 'rockumentary" ever. "The Last Waltz"
Damn, I loved The Band..

Today's underappreciated artist-

2008-04-22T17:27:00.000-04:00

I always felt Robert Palmer's few successful songs actually derailed his career. He was quite prolific and was recording almost to his untimely death. His depth was far greater than those couple of catchy songs. So picking one was pretty hard- so here you go with a few of my personal favorites. Sadly i couldn't find a decent recording of Every Kind of People.

This remix of Mercy Mercy Me/I Want You was always one of my favorites, it really is a brilliant arrangement-

And Sneaking Sally Through the Alley was a real classic-

Those four or so hits were truly not the sum of this very talented man. And what a shame he went so young, who knows what else he'd have accomplished.

it's been a really complicated day-

2008-04-18T21:32:00.000-04:00

I needed a little beautiful- Nureyev in arguably one of his finest moments, and the incomparable Fonteyn. He was beyond magnificent, the one time I was blessed to have seen him live on stage my heart quite literally stopped.. and the one brief moment I met him in person was quite memorable- There may never be a partnership quite like that again.

It's OK, really!!

2008-04-16T21:08:00.000-04:00

Well it was awfully sweet of y’all to worry. But no, I’m neither dead nor have I expatriated south with Antonio Banderas to start my blissful fantasy life in the tropics.

My love and thanks to Tate, Tony, Wills, Jeff and all you other dears that called or wrote to check in on me. I’ve just been rather preoccupied, and downright busy. Daddy went into the hospital. Things got bad, real bad. Then things got somewhat better. So now he’s in rehab and we’re trying to figure out what the hell to do next. Brother #1 is having some very hard times at the moment- and while there’s nothing I can do about it, I do fret nonetheless.. Baby Sister is losing her shit in a major way over the Daddy situation, and her personal life- lord don’t get me started on that. Find a nice lesbian to settle down with and quit being someone's experiment already! Oy.. OK after 10 years in a relationship and getting dumped, I can kind of see it- but seriously honey, find someone committed full time to your team, you know full well it is going to end badly. Need I remind you???

The boy has had a horrid bout of bronchitis again, and given his immune deficiency I tend to get a wee bit freaked out when something like this drags on. The girl is getting ready to turn 16 this weekend, trying to get her NHS application done and figure out what to do this summer, among other teenaged angst.. Just shoot me now, OK??

And I’m still looking for a damn job.. And I’m fairly sure I finally started my midlife crisis.. How come 46 year old moms don’t get to freak out, buy a sports car and date a hottie half their age??? The injustice!!!

Well if I make light of it I can’t go over the edge kids.. Hope all my dears are well, safe and happy. And I swear I’ll check in more often so I don’t worry y’all (yes Jeff, that means you)- really, I do promise.. It’s good to have my virtual posse, really! No jokes, all kidding aside it really is a comfort to know there are a few people out there that think of me =..

Next up-

2008-04-03T16:32:00.001-04:00

On our list of under-appreciated artists we have the one and only Delbert McClinton. There are sadly not a lot of videos, as Delbert has always been a music festival or big ass bar with a stage kind of guy. But he is widely regarded by musicians as one of the best harmonica players alive, a fine guitar player and an all around good guy. And having shared "refreshments" after a show (get your minds out of the gutters there people) a couple of times, I have to agree. And I love, love, love that man's voice.. well that and he was one damn fine looking man in his prime, that didn't hurt.

First up, probably his one big hit- and yes Cowbell, this one REALLY has More Cowbell in it..

And just so you can hear the man play the harp.. And yes Granny, another Texas boy.

Oh yeah- Elvin Bishop and Paul Thorn rock out pretty hard in this one too.

Have a lovely evening dears..

Have you ever noticed..

2008-04-02T16:21:00.001-04:00

That the most thunderous moments of self-realization, or the truest instances of being at the very edge of reason frequently occur in front of a bathroom mirror?

Rather curious, don’t you think?

Our mood meter for the day.

2008-04-02T11:27:00.000-04:00

Crappy video, great song. No one could do it like Lowell.. I miss him still.

Carry on people.

I'm Tired..

2008-03-31T17:09:00.000-04:00

So tired.. Not in the way the fabulous Madeline Kahn is I grant you, but still bloody tired.

Could be the weather, perhaps just life in general but I'm exhausted. Insomnia isn't helping, true enough. Time for a change I think. Perhaps working out of the house is the issue, lack of adult conversation isn't helping my humor. And Tate would no doubt like to get a word in edgewise once in a while. Whatever it is, feeling and looking like something the cat dragged in needs to stop.

Just because it happens to be what I'm in the mood for-

2008-03-28T09:42:00.000-04:00

No need to explain it, now is there? Have a fabulous weekend dears..

Take it away Stevie-

My life in a series of four..

2008-03-23T20:04:00.000-04:00

Dear Cousin Lorraine tagged me for the quadruplet meme.. Thanks darling.. So kids, numerous dull facts that you no doubt never wanted to know about me-

Four Jobs I have had in my life:

Office Manager

House wares Buyer

Line Bitch

Event planner/caterer

Four Movies I would watch/have watched over and over:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Escape from New York-
(Don’t care what you say it’s an absolute classic)

The Princess Bride

A River Runs Through It

Four Places I have lived:

Charlottesville, VA

Chapel Hill, NC

NY, NY

Arlington, VA

Four TV Shows that I watch:

Ugly Betty

Project Runway

No Reservations

*That caps it, all my real favs have been canceled- Deadwood, Six Feet Under, Dead Like Me, The Office (the real one, not the US version) , Stargate, The West Wing*

Four Places I have visited:

I shall only list my four favorite cities..

San Francisco

San Juan

Toronto

Savannah

Four People who email me regularly:

Gayl

Frank

Wills (sorta- but his always make me happy)

Boots

Four Favorite Foods:

Ham
(Actually pork in any form-)

Raspberries

Turnip Greens
(Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it)

Foie gras

Four Places I would like to be right now:

Tahiti

Cap d’ Antibes

San Francisco

Hatteras Island

Four Things I am looking forward to this year:

The big gay slumber party.
(I’m working on it boys- promise! You need at least one obligatory estrogen accessory)

A week in NOLA visiting Buddyboy in July.

Miss Thing getting her driver’s license.
(yes, really)

Finding a decent job (I’m trying to do the positive outlook thing here, work with me)

Four People who should post Four Things:

Jeff

Gavin

Red

Sling

This is just not right-

2008-03-17T17:34:00.000-04:00

This angers me in such a visceral way I can't say much more other than to quote and link.. I just haven't the words. The US government is slaughtering one of the last herd of free buffalo. Is this not the people's land? Should we not have a say in this?? I've seen the herds in Yellowstone, and it is at once an awesome sight and a sad and heartrending moment to realize the range these creatures once had before we started the wholesale and useless slaughter..

This winter alone, more than 1,000 wild bison have been brutally killed by the National Park Service and the Montana Department of Livestock -- or shipped to slaughterhouses.

And come May, newborn calves are just as likely to be killed as their mothers.

We cannot stand by and let this massacre continue: Send a protest message now.

Right now, it's still winter in Yellowstone, and these unsuspecting buffalo are following historic migratory routes in search of food at lower elevations where there is less snow.

When the buffalo venture near or beyond the park's boundary, they will continue to be rounded up and killed -- unless we start a national outcry.

What makes this sacrifice so senseless is that it's all to protect 12 to 16 domestic cows and steers that graze near the park from the theoretical risk of a disease -- brucellosis -- that has never been transmitted from bison to cattle in a natural setting.

Yes, you read those numbers right: 1,000 wild bison slaughtered to protect a little more than a dozen cows outside the park that have most likely been vaccinated against the disease, or easily could be.

Please speak out and stop the slaughter. Yellowstone's buffalo are a national treasure: America's last, free-roaming herd. The National Park Service should be their guardian, not their executioner.

Take a moment if you're so inclined

Not to be sexist..

2008-03-14T17:21:00.000-04:00

The thing I hate about spring is baseball. The boy loves baseball, really loves it- thus I deal with it. But there are some Dads I'd really love to bitch slap right on back into last week. Sorry gents, but I honestly have never heard a Mom type person ragging on their kid when they're playing- Not saying it doesn't happen mind you, I've just never witnessed it personally.

I would so love for a kid or two I know to turn around and do exactly that right in the middle of a game.

Friday Video

2008-03-14T13:29:00.000-04:00

Well I was really in the mood for J.J. Cale doing Clyde.. love the hook on that song, I really do. But alas, I can't seem to find it, or I'm lazy whatever.

So this will do.

Friday Jukebox redux

2008-03-07T17:56:00.000-05:00

Because Annie rules, and it's my second favorite version of the song. And pretty much just for the hell of it. I really want to be Annie if I ever grow up.

Friday Video

2008-03-07T17:30:00.001-05:00

And there you have it.. Gail Ann Dorsey is absolutely amazing..

I really need a vacation.. and the pressure is really getting on my last raw nerve. Then I realize there are so many people out there with dire amounts of crazy in their lives, I realize I'm pretty much just whining.. Carry on.

To the fine citizens of Brattleboro Vermont-

2008-03-07T10:04:00.000-05:00

You folks are true patriots! Wonder if we can all chip in and buy a couple of plane tickets for the Evil Twins for next January. "You have just won an all expense paid ski trip to Vermont!" Y'all think on it, we have some time to come up with a plan.

Brattleboro, Vermont passes indictment of Bush and Cheney
To be arrested in Brattleboro "if they are not duly impeached"

The courageous people of Brattleboro, Vermont have taken the lead! Frustrated that elected officials have refused to introduce articles of impeachment in defiance of their constituents' demands, the people of Brattelboro voted to direct town officials to draw up indictment papers against George Bush and Dick Cheney for violating their oath of office.

The Brattleboro vote took place during the Tuesday's Vermont primary election. Bush supporters launched a major campaign to discredit the referendum resolution and the organizers. Yet the resolution passed by a vote of 2012 in favor to 1795 against.

"Shall the Selectboard instruct the Town Attorney to draft indictments against President Bush and Vice President Cheney for crimes against our Constitution, and publish said indictments for consideration by other authorities and shall it be the law of the Town of Brattleboro that the Brattleboro Police, pursuant to the above-mentioned indictments, arrest and detain George Bush and Richard Cheney in Brattleboro if they are not duly impeached, and prosecute or extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them?" The people of Brattleboro answered, "yes!"

The indictment means that Bush and Cheney can be arrested for criminal acts should they ever enter Brattleboro. The indictment would go into effect after Bush and Cheney leave office.

There are times you just need some silly..

2008-03-05T11:24:00.000-05:00

The Hurricane looked at me yesterday and said "Hey Mom, smile!" I gave him the what now look.. and he says "You haven't been smiling much lately, you need some silly" at which point he did a huge leap onto the couch and started tickling me. I really did need some silly in a bad way.

Then Hat sent me a hysterical post card..

So I declare this a little bit of silly morning-

Because I have been way too serious here of late.. I've been threatening to move to Maui and change my identity.

Or go on strike because they're all making me crazy..

Carry on people.. and go do something really silly for an hour, just for the hell of it.

Hah- see I can lighten up once in a while! Thanks Hat! I really needed that.

All the news that fits.

2008-02-29T14:10:00.000-05:00

Not that anyone actually cares, but it’s been quite the busy couple of weeks at Casa de Locos. Let’s recap the high points, shall we?

The crazy neighbor had the final court date. The judge (finally) found her in contempt of the last court order and gave her 6 months- suspended. Provided she’s a good girl and does nothing to impede to county’s clean up of the horrendous mess. Well considering the day after this she showed up at the sheriff’s office with a bucket of black snakes- no I’m serious- and stated the property was infested, I expect more shenanigans are planned. If nothing else, it ought to make for some fireworks of some sort when they do finally show up. And apropos of nothing- where in the hell do you get a bucket of live black snakes in the dead of winter in the mountains??? Bat shit crazy I tell you, bat shit crazy..

Miss Thing now officially has her learner’s permit. Next, the wonderful task of behind the wheel training. I really have to borrow a video camera.. So I call my nice insurance guy, no really he’s a great guy, to ask if I have to do anything, and his first response was “Holy Shit!” This from a man I have known for over twenty years and have never heard utter a single curse word. He laughed and apologized, but couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t fathom for a moment that she could possibly be that old. Tell me about it..

The Hurricane got his braces off- stage one of this lovely process. And was quite the happy boy. Until they took x-rays and realized his adult canines are literally coming in sideways. Great.. So the poor kid has to have all four of the baby canines pulled, and is none too happy about the prospect. Neither is my wallet, but I guess coughing up 400 bucks to prevent the 2 grand we’ve already spent from getting screwed up is pretty much non-negotiable. Now I just have to find the 400 bucks.. Always something, isn’t it? But I ask you; seriously, these are baby teeth we’re talking about it can’t be all that darn involved, really! Would it work if I just had him start wiggling them for an hour a day? What a racket..

The Hurricane has a girlfriend. Part of me is thinking- Oh isn’t that precious?? The other part is thinking- Oh shit, now it starts.. He’s cute and the barn door is now open sister, you’re in trouble. Yes he’s mine and I’m supposed to think he’s adorable, blah blah blah . He’s adorable. Just ask Uncle Tate and Uncle Wills.. I do give the boy credit however, he picked a winner. Cute as a button, honors student, athlete and an older woman (11) to boot.

Just had to pick the truck up from the shop today- oh great there goes another 500 bucks down the drain.. Oh goody. Didn’t really need or want that. But I suppose anti lock brakes are one of those things you really can’t get around living at the top of a mountain.

Job hunt- it sucks. The hunting isn’t so bad; it’s the rejection part. Now I do more or less have the hide of a rhino, and I realize the market is tight right now, but seriously it is indeed an employers market out there. The last interview I had, whilst listening to the duties requested I was tempted to inquire if I would also be required to balance a basket of fruit on my head and dance the fucking flamenco as well.. Perhaps I’m just too old to tolerate stupid crap, that could be it. It certainly wasn’t the suit or the shoes..

Now that everyone is bored to tears, but assured I’m alive (thank you for your kind email inquiries) go on about doing something interesting with your extra day for this year..

Me and Jackie, we were tight like that..

2008-02-20T18:27:00.000-05:00

Long ago in the dim recesses of time- you know the late seventies- I had an encounter in New York that dear Al inadvertently reminded me of the other day. I thought it might give him a smile.

I had more or less bailed on my very proper upbringing and ventured off to the wicked city to pursue my dream of being the next Gelsey Kirkand. Well, let’s just say that knees are a very poorly designed body part and we’ll leave it at that, shall we? Well yours truly was pretty much having a ball. Working hard at dancing, doing the occasional modeling gig to make some cash and partying my ass off more or less. I lived in a second floor walk up on Christopher Street. Yes, really. Myself, two anorexic psychotic models and a drag queen named Ramon/Ramona shared a two bedroom apartment. I opted to room with Ramona because the other two pretty well annoyed me. Let’s say it was a learning experience. All I know about makeup dears was learned there. I still miss you R..

I had met a quite fetching young man that I rather liked and he invited me to a very fancy gathering that his parents demanded he attend, a schmoozing thing for the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Well, as he was quite good looking, and let’s be real- completely loaded in the trust fund sort of cash reserve way, I accepted. Give me a break, I was flat broke and he was actually quite a nice guy in spite of the trust fund.

Well this did pose a bit of a problem. I had decamped to the metropolis with the leotards and such, the punk princess wear and the disco queen stuff. I had nothing even vaguely appropriate. So, I did what any sensible girl would do , I called my Mamma..

Well bless her heart, she called a shop she was quite well acquainted with and made an appointment for me to acquire something appropriate. While I never did learn what the conversation actually consisted of, I have a deep and abiding suspicion she said something to the effect of “put her in something by Monsieur de Givenchy- period.” Yes, I ended up with the quintessential Givenchy “little back dress”. And she naturally sprang for shoes and a bag, she was like that. You were indeed the best Mamma..

And it was a smashing dress. Very simple, immaculately tailored and I felt like a princess the moment I put it on. Trust fund boy and I arrived for this big soiree and I felt a rising sense of panic when we walked in. All the women were doing the late seventies pre “Dynasty” thing.. I felt like the ugly duckling in a room full of peacocks. Thus, I was feeling very awkward and quite out of place as the simple southern deb in her black dress and pearls.. The pater and mater were quite charming truthfully, and I proceeded to have actually a relatively pleasant evening.

And then it happened. The one and only Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis showed up. I must say I did consider fainting as an option. Really. While trying to be cool and not stare while she was making the quick rounds of the various loaded patrons, and I wasn’t the only one, I was literally captivated watching her.

She approached the mater and pater and did the quick, how lovely of you to come bit, and went to move along. She looked at me and smiled and gave that regal little head incline thing and gave me a quick little wink. I think my smile must have lit up the entire upper east side.

At that moment I realized we were actually the only two women in the room wearing the proverbial “simple black dress”.

I made the most expensive collect call of my life that night..

Act Fast!

2008-02-14T17:31:00.000-05:00

As in NOW- deadline is 2/15. As I had done so a while back, yours truly dropped the ball on passing the word. Figuring most of the people I know are already mighty pissed about this, I sure am!!

I find the fact that the National Park Service is attempting to take away the right ("restrict" my ass) of the citizens of this country to assemble on the National Mall morally repugnant. Obviously to anyone with half a brain it is yet another attempt by the current administration to silence any opposition and take away yet another of our fundamental rights as citizens.

Can you imagine our country if Dr. King had not been allowed to speak that historic day? Any number of causes, be they right or left- the citizens of this country have had the right to stand on that strip of land and tell their government in no uncertain terms how they felt. Frankly I feel that's a cause we can all get behind, no matter what your particular politics might be. I've parked myself in that space more times than I can count, and in all those times and for the many various reasons, I knew damn good an well I was exercising my right as a citizen in the spirit this country was founded upon. I OWN that property damn you!! We all do!! You're sure as hell not going to be telling me what I can do in my back yard Shrub..

So kids head on over here.

And while you're at it make a pit stop here as well. The rights you save may well be not only yours folks, but your grand children's as well..

Get out there Virginia..

2008-02-11T18:10:00.000-05:00

and Maryland, and DC.

Sounds weird, but I haven't missed a single election- not even for dog catcher- since I cast my first vote at 18 in 1979. I know there are those that rail that it no longer matters. Screw you. Voting was considered a sacred duty in my family. And I pound that concept into my children. As citizens of a free society, flawed as it might be, you have an obligation and indeed a duty to make the time to go forth and cast your vote.

Many people have died for that right, many still fight to be allowed that basic component of individual dignity. And it only actually works if we go forth and exercise that liberty . There is no doubt a great deal currently wrong with this country. I decry and fear on a nearly daily basis the leaders and events that have gotten us to this point. I am in no way an idealistic individual, I'm a hard nosed pragmatist. But I still have the faith, and I still believe that participatory democracy can indeed work. But only if the people do their part and do indeed participate and make their voices heard.

That said- I hear any shit about "hanging chads" in Florida, I might just start organizing a mob..

I am not a morning person..

2008-02-09T15:42:00.000-05:00

But it is rather nice to look out the back door and see this while drinking my first cup of coffee. This my dears is why I tolerate the nut job next door.

I got served..

2008-02-08T14:09:00.000-05:00

And I am in no way happy about it. As my loyal readers (both of you) know I live in the semi middle of nowhere, we aren't talking the suburbs here folks. My neighbors are by and large all nice folks, the sort you can borrow a cup of sugar or a bottle of bourbon from. The kind of folks you can call at quarter till three and say you're never going to make it, can they pick up your kids at school. Ice storm hits, and we're all collectively out there with the chain saws dealing with the situation and checking on the old folks. There are naturally a few I wouldn't invite for cocktails, but no hubris there. But there is one I have to say that is a pain in the ass for the entire group. And yep, lucky me it has to be one of my next door neighbors. Thank jeebus for 5 acre lots..

This person has a serious issue- hoarding. Most people keep it in the house, oh no not this person.. The entire lot. At last count (by court records) 15 inoperable vehicles, 7 lawnmowers, 15 weed whackers, 28 cases (yes- huge packing crates) of debris. 18 propane tanks and who the hell knows what else. While I generally am sympathetic to the mentally ill, sorry kids I'm being real NIMBY about this one.. It's my groundwater (we all have wells) it's my property value- my taxes nearly doubled last year due to the housing "boom", which I had no problem with. I drive on county roads and my kids go to public schools. HOWEVER- I can't in any way get full value for my property since I live next to a land fill. Not to mention vermin and the fact that if a fire starts over there I can kiss my ass goodbye- This has gone from weird and annoying to bat shit crazy and trying to run people down in her vehicle nuts..

I digress.. After four long years of litigation (and five years of complaints prior to get it to that point) we're down to the wire, public hearings exhausted and the final judicial bit was to be dealt with today. Well lucky me, yesterday I got served. For the wrong side. Yep I got called for the wrong team. Which is ironic as hell since I have had to testify on 5 different occasions on behalf of either the county or the Commonwealth. The bitch had me served.. The legal term here kids is "hostile witness"- but we got continued till next week as the judge got word his brother quite suddenly died partially through the proceedings, so I can't say more till after the fact.

However- I had to cancel lunch with the darling Red to haul my ass to court, which pissed me off beyond reckoning. I had to call my lawyer, which OK wasn't bad he's a lovely man and doesn't charge for such things anyway, to advise me, I missed going to drool over shoes in the "big city" and also had to cancel a mental health spa appointment which I can only afford about twice a year.. I'm out of sorts dears, in a major way.

But what the hell, I'm meeting the Beast in the "big city" with a friend we haven't seen in ages for dinner, so the mood will no doubt improve. Have a lovely weekend darlings, I'm off to find something red to wear..

Where was I?

2008-02-04T17:29:00.000-05:00

Chaos. Absolute chaos. That more or less covers it. It’s been a horribly busy time the past few weeks, complicated by being rather unwell. Not full blown I can hide in bed sick, the kind of sick that allows you to remain upright and mobile, thus hindering recovery.

I’ve tried like hell to get a rather large project finished, and the deadline looms.. But I just can’t seem to get my focus fully together in order to complete the task at hand. Much to my eternal annoyance, and I daresay that of my client. And the more I stress over the impending date, the worse the lack of concentrated effort seems to become. It’s turned into some evil sort of vile back feed loop.

Brother #2 up and had a heart attack. After coming to a loving sisterly acceptance of his stubborn ways- he up and has a heart attack and then doesn’t bother to tell anyone until five days later. I was more than a little put out by this, I can assure you. Actually it was more along the lines of “What the fuck is wrong with you?? I know damn well your wife is capable of dialing a phone so, you TOLD her not to call.” I’m damn sure his best friend, his clients and the damn postman knew, but he didn’t want to call his family?? I really no longer get that man, I truly don’t and I guess it’s time to just give up trying, he’s just not right. And if you think I was pissed, the Old Fart got more than a little put out over it. I mean really, who the hell does this when they’re generally on good terms with their family? Hell who would do it if they weren’t? I just don’t get it.

The estrogen wars have heated up in rather grandiose fashion. There really ought to be some sort of natural law against puberty and menopause in the same house. You know, some sort of survival of the species mechanism that just doesn’t allow it. My normally fairly level female child has turned into someone I no longer know. While I am quite sure it’s temporary in nature, I really wish the aliens would bring her back home and take back this creature they left in her place.

To say the Beast and I have a stormy relationship is like saying it was right breezy in New Orleans the day Katrina hit.. But the storm always blows past and things go back to usual. Took a bit longer this go round.. Which in the midst of all the other shit was really not something that contributed to getting things back on track. I’m the match, he’s the gas, but in spite of it we’ve managed not to blow the joint up in 27 years. But there are those moments that I wonder what one of those lovely conflict free relationships would be like.

I have really tried to put issues in perspective, to be thankful in a genuine and encompassing way for all that I am blessed with. Sadly the current state of mental exhaustion seems to be somewhat at odds with putting matters into a nice zen-like perspective. I’d really prefer to have the old list making, getting shit done me back frankly.. I’m done whining now, y’all go back to what you were doing.

A sinking feeling.

2008-01-21T17:38:00.000-05:00

Brother #2 has been at it again. The emergency gall bladder surgery right before the holidays was very troublesome indeed. Somehow things don’t seem to be progressing quite the way they ought to.

Aside from a fresh scar to add to his rather impressive assemblage, I fear that the fun and games of the entire bypass drama made no long lasting impression on the man. That or things are just starting to slide downhill, his recalcitrant ways aside.

While not prone to superstition, I have a deep sense of foreboding every time I speak to him and I hear he’s “just not feeling right yet”. Perhaps it’s paranoia. Perhaps knowing we’ve finally come to a place where we can deal with one another as adults, not merely siblings and I fear he’s going to be taken away from me is simply my problem. But a very reckless youth and it’s damage, a stubborn disposition in middle age all seem to be closing in quickly. Perhaps something got lodged in him many years ago, having dodged death in such grandiose fashion how could something as trivial as an internal organ do him in?

I do so hope I’m terribly, terribly wrong. Because I do love his stubborn, hardheaded ass.