My Idiot child-

Meaning my husband..

Love him dearly, 27 years together means something these days I think, I do love him dearly. But some days I could happily wrap my hands around his neck. Not a stupid person at all- has a doctorate, can solve quadric equations half drunk on a cocktail napkin with a pencil.. is highly regarded in his field and has all kinds of fancy people with big titles calling for his advice- Couldn't find his ass with both hands if he tried. I have to check him before he leaves the house. For real.

Love him, I swear I do. Case in point. My day today( other than the very late in the day oven debacle) get him packed for a business trip. Do my usual check list of clothes, meds, computer, cellphone, paperwork and such- check, all good. Get a panicked call from the airport.. "Where's my driver's license?" Umm.. how the hell would I know? Chill out dear- do you have your Federal Employee ID? "Yes" Fine, get your ass on the plane and we'll figure the rest out. "I have to get a rental car!" Repeat, you're getting on a plane- I can only do so much dear.

Call the DMV- 20 minutes ON HOLD (those people whose blogs I hovered on today- I have a valid excuse) get a human- " Hello this is Sara, we are having phone problems and I can't hear anything, please call back." CLICK. WTF??????

Breathe very deeply, dial again. 34 fucking minutes on hold.. but do get an actual person that WILL speak to me. Privacy issues, can't get shit accomplished- but do get some guidance. Now one would not assume this is the first time a person has lost their license, so I presume there is some sort of standard procedure to notify the rental car people of one's status. Hell no.. depends on the rental company. Some will take a verification faxed from the state.. Alamo- not gonna happen.

Well, that's a waste of a day.. tear up the house trying to find the damn thing, hang on infinity hold for a couple of hours, tear up the house again.. field calls from my lost boy.. tear up the damn house again..

Let it suffice to say this is not a first.. Example- heading for a conference in Virgina Beach. I get a call "I think I'm lost- I'm in Elizabeth City". What????? Now that takes some REAL talent..

I swear, every time he walks out that door into the real world alone I have fear.. I love you baby, but lord you worry the hell out of me. Y'all see him coming- be sweet and help him navigate the real world and be kind to his helpless ass- please?