Today's underappreciated artist-

I always felt Robert Palmer's few successful songs actually derailed his career. He was quite prolific and was recording almost to his untimely death. His depth was far greater than those couple of catchy songs. So picking one was pretty hard- so here you go with a few of my personal favorites. Sadly i couldn't find a decent recording of Every Kind of People.

This remix of Mercy Mercy Me/I Want You was always one of my favorites, it really is a brilliant arrangement-




And Sneaking Sally Through the Alley was a real classic-



Those four or so hits were truly not the sum of this very talented man. And what a shame he went so young, who knows what else he'd have accomplished.

it's been a really complicated day-

I needed a little beautiful- Nureyev in arguably one of his finest moments, and the incomparable Fonteyn. He was beyond magnificent, the one time I was blessed to have seen him live on stage my heart quite literally stopped.. and the one brief moment I met him in person was quite memorable- There may never be a partnership quite like that again.

It's OK, really!!

Well it was awfully sweet of y’all to worry. But no, I’m neither dead nor have I expatriated south with Antonio Banderas to start my blissful fantasy life in the tropics.

My love and thanks to Tate, Tony, Wills, Jeff and all you other dears that called or wrote to check in on me. I’ve just been rather preoccupied, and downright busy. Daddy went into the hospital. Things got bad, real bad. Then things got somewhat better. So now he’s in rehab and we’re trying to figure out what the hell to do next. Brother #1 is having some very hard times at the moment- and while there’s nothing I can do about it, I do fret nonetheless.. Baby Sister is losing her shit in a major way over the Daddy situation, and her personal life- lord don’t get me started on that. Find a nice lesbian to settle down with and quit being someone's experiment already! Oy.. OK after 10 years in a relationship and getting dumped, I can kind of see it- but seriously honey, find someone committed full time to your team, you know full well it is going to end badly. Need I remind you???

The boy has had a horrid bout of bronchitis again, and given his immune deficiency I tend to get a wee bit freaked out when something like this drags on. The girl is getting ready to turn 16 this weekend, trying to get her NHS application done and figure out what to do this summer, among other teenaged angst.. Just shoot me now, OK??

And I’m still looking for a damn job.. And I’m fairly sure I finally started my midlife crisis.. How come 46 year old moms don’t get to freak out, buy a sports car and date a hottie half their age??? The injustice!!!

Well if I make light of it I can’t go over the edge kids.. Hope all my dears are well, safe and happy. And I swear I’ll check in more often so I don’t worry y’all (yes Jeff, that means you)- really, I do promise.. It’s good to have my virtual posse, really! No jokes, all kidding aside it really is a comfort to know there are a few people out there that think of me =..

Next up-

On our list of under-appreciated artists we have the one and only Delbert McClinton. There are sadly not a lot of videos, as Delbert has always been a music festival or big ass bar with a stage kind of guy. But he is widely regarded by musicians as one of the best harmonica players alive, a fine guitar player and an all around good guy. And having shared "refreshments" after a show (get your minds out of the gutters there people) a couple of times, I have to agree. And I love, love, love that man's voice.. well that and he was one damn fine looking man in his prime, that didn't hurt.

First up, probably his one big hit- and yes Cowbell, this one REALLY has More Cowbell in it..



And just so you can hear the man play the harp.. And yes Granny, another Texas boy.



Oh yeah- Elvin Bishop and Paul Thorn rock out pretty hard in this one too.

Have a lovely evening dears..

Have you ever noticed..

That the most thunderous moments of self-realization, or the truest instances of being at the very edge of reason frequently occur in front of a bathroom mirror?

Rather curious, don’t you think?

Our mood meter for the day.

Crappy video, great song. No one could do it like Lowell.. I miss him still.



Carry on people.

I'm Tired..

So tired.. Not in the way the fabulous Madeline Kahn is I grant you, but still bloody tired.




Could be the weather, perhaps just life in general but I'm exhausted. Insomnia isn't helping, true enough. Time for a change I think. Perhaps working out of the house is the issue, lack of adult conversation isn't helping my humor. And Tate would no doubt like to get a word in edgewise once in a while. Whatever it is, feeling and looking like something the cat dragged in needs to stop.

Just because it happens to be what I'm in the mood for-

No need to explain it, now is there? Have a fabulous weekend dears..

Take it away Stevie-

My life in a series of four..

Dear Cousin Lorraine tagged me for the quadruplet meme.. Thanks darling.. So kids, numerous dull facts that you no doubt never wanted to know about me-

Four Jobs I have had in my life:

Office Manager

House wares Buyer

Line Bitch

Event planner/caterer



Four Movies I would watch/have watched over and over:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Escape from New York-
(Don’t care what you say it’s an absolute classic)

The Princess Bride

A River Runs Through It



Four Places I have lived:

Charlottesville, VA

Chapel Hill, NC

NY, NY

Arlington, VA


Four TV Shows that I watch:

Ugly Betty

Project Runway

No Reservations

*That caps it, all my real favs have been canceled- Deadwood, Six Feet Under, Dead Like Me, The Office (the real one, not the US version) , Stargate, The West Wing*


Four Places I have visited:

I shall only list my four favorite cities..

San Francisco

San Juan

Toronto

Savannah


Four People who email me regularly:

Gayl

Frank

Wills (sorta- but his always make me happy)

Boots



Four Favorite Foods:

Ham
(Actually pork in any form-)

Raspberries

Turnip Greens
(Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it)

Foie gras




Four Places I would like to be right now:

Tahiti

Cap d’ Antibes

San Francisco

Hatteras Island



Four Things I am looking forward to this year:

The big gay slumber party.
(I’m working on it boys- promise! You need at least one obligatory estrogen accessory)

A week in NOLA visiting Buddyboy in July.

Miss Thing getting her driver’s license.
(yes, really)

Finding a decent job (I’m trying to do the positive outlook thing here, work with me)




Four People who should post Four Things:

Jeff

Gavin

Red

Sling

This is just not right-

This angers me in such a visceral way I can't say much more other than to quote and link.. I just haven't the words. The US government is slaughtering one of the last herd of free buffalo. Is this not the people's land? Should we not have a say in this?? I've seen the herds in Yellowstone, and it is at once an awesome sight and a sad and heartrending moment to realize the range these creatures once had before we started the wholesale and useless slaughter..

This winter alone, more than 1,000 wild bison have been brutally killed by the National Park Service and the Montana Department of Livestock -- or shipped to slaughterhouses.

And come May, newborn calves are just as likely to be killed as their mothers.

We cannot stand by and let this massacre continue: Send a protest message now.

Right now, it's still winter in Yellowstone, and these unsuspecting buffalo are following historic migratory routes in search of food at lower elevations where there is less snow.

When the buffalo venture near or beyond the park's boundary, they will continue to be rounded up and killed -- unless we start a national outcry.

What makes this sacrifice so senseless is that it's all to protect 12 to 16 domestic cows and steers that graze near the park from the theoretical risk of a disease -- brucellosis -- that has never been transmitted from bison to cattle in a natural setting.

Yes, you read those numbers right: 1,000 wild bison slaughtered to protect a little more than a dozen cows outside the park that have most likely been vaccinated against the disease, or easily could be.

Please speak out and stop the slaughter. Yellowstone's buffalo are a national treasure: America's last, free-roaming herd. The National Park Service should be their guardian, not their executioner.

Take a moment if you're so inclined

Not to be sexist..

The thing I hate about spring is baseball. The boy loves baseball, really loves it- thus I deal with it. But there are some Dads I'd really love to bitch slap right on back into last week. Sorry gents, but I honestly have never heard a Mom type person ragging on their kid when they're playing- Not saying it doesn't happen mind you, I've just never witnessed it personally.





I would so love for a kid or two I know to turn around and do exactly that right in the middle of a game.

Friday Video

Well I was really in the mood for J.J. Cale doing Clyde.. love the hook on that song, I really do. But alas, I can't seem to find it, or I'm lazy whatever.

So this will do.

Friday Jukebox redux

Because Annie rules, and it's my second favorite version of the song. And pretty much just for the hell of it. I really want to be Annie if I ever grow up.

Friday Video

And there you have it.. Gail Ann Dorsey is absolutely amazing..








I really need a vacation.. and the pressure is really getting on my last raw nerve. Then I realize there are so many people out there with dire amounts of crazy in their lives, I realize I'm pretty much just whining.. Carry on.

To the fine citizens of Brattleboro Vermont-

You folks are true patriots! Wonder if we can all chip in and buy a couple of plane tickets for the Evil Twins for next January. "You have just won an all expense paid ski trip to Vermont!" Y'all think on it, we have some time to come up with a plan.


Brattleboro, Vermont passes indictment of Bush and Cheney
To be arrested in Brattleboro "if they are not duly impeached"




The courageous people of Brattleboro, Vermont have taken the lead! Frustrated that elected officials have refused to introduce articles of impeachment in defiance of their constituents' demands, the people of Brattelboro voted to direct town officials to draw up indictment papers against George Bush and Dick Cheney for violating their oath of office.

The Brattleboro vote took place during the Tuesday's Vermont primary election. Bush supporters launched a major campaign to discredit the referendum resolution and the organizers. Yet the resolution passed by a vote of 2012 in favor to 1795 against.

"Shall the Selectboard instruct the Town Attorney to draft indictments against President Bush and Vice President Cheney for crimes against our Constitution, and publish said indictments for consideration by other authorities and shall it be the law of the Town of Brattleboro that the Brattleboro Police, pursuant to the above-mentioned indictments, arrest and detain George Bush and Richard Cheney in Brattleboro if they are not duly impeached, and prosecute or extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them?" The people of Brattleboro answered, "yes!"

The indictment means that Bush and Cheney can be arrested for criminal acts should they ever enter Brattleboro. The indictment would go into effect after Bush and Cheney leave office.

There are times you just need some silly..

The Hurricane looked at me yesterday and said "Hey Mom, smile!" I gave him the what now look.. and he says "You haven't been smiling much lately, you need some silly" at which point he did a huge leap onto the couch and started tickling me. I really did need some silly in a bad way.

Then Hat sent me a hysterical post card..

So I declare this a little bit of silly morning-



Because I have been way too serious here of late.. I've been threatening to move to Maui and change my identity.



Or go on strike because they're all making me crazy..



Carry on people.. and go do something really silly for an hour, just for the hell of it.



Hah- see I can lighten up once in a while! Thanks Hat! I really needed that.

All the news that fits.

Not that anyone actually cares, but it’s been quite the busy couple of weeks at Casa de Locos. Let’s recap the high points, shall we?

The crazy neighbor had the final court date. The judge (finally) found her in contempt of the last court order and gave her 6 months- suspended. Provided she’s a good girl and does nothing to impede to county’s clean up of the horrendous mess. Well considering the day after this she showed up at the sheriff’s office with a bucket of black snakes- no I’m serious- and stated the property was infested, I expect more shenanigans are planned. If nothing else, it ought to make for some fireworks of some sort when they do finally show up. And apropos of nothing- where in the hell do you get a bucket of live black snakes in the dead of winter in the mountains??? Bat shit crazy I tell you, bat shit crazy..

Miss Thing now officially has her learner’s permit. Next, the wonderful task of behind the wheel training. I really have to borrow a video camera.. So I call my nice insurance guy, no really he’s a great guy, to ask if I have to do anything, and his first response was “Holy Shit!” This from a man I have known for over twenty years and have never heard utter a single curse word. He laughed and apologized, but couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t fathom for a moment that she could possibly be that old. Tell me about it..

The Hurricane got his braces off- stage one of this lovely process. And was quite the happy boy. Until they took x-rays and realized his adult canines are literally coming in sideways. Great.. So the poor kid has to have all four of the baby canines pulled, and is none too happy about the prospect. Neither is my wallet, but I guess coughing up 400 bucks to prevent the 2 grand we’ve already spent from getting screwed up is pretty much non-negotiable. Now I just have to find the 400 bucks.. Always something, isn’t it? But I ask you; seriously, these are baby teeth we’re talking about it can’t be all that darn involved, really! Would it work if I just had him start wiggling them for an hour a day? What a racket..

The Hurricane has a girlfriend. Part of me is thinking- Oh isn’t that precious?? The other part is thinking- Oh shit, now it starts.. He’s cute and the barn door is now open sister, you’re in trouble. Yes he’s mine and I’m supposed to think he’s adorable, blah blah blah . He’s adorable. Just ask Uncle Tate and Uncle Wills.. I do give the boy credit however, he picked a winner. Cute as a button, honors student, athlete and an older woman (11) to boot.

Just had to pick the truck up from the shop today- oh great there goes another 500 bucks down the drain.. Oh goody. Didn’t really need or want that. But I suppose anti lock brakes are one of those things you really can’t get around living at the top of a mountain.

Job hunt- it sucks. The hunting isn’t so bad; it’s the rejection part. Now I do more or less have the hide of a rhino, and I realize the market is tight right now, but seriously it is indeed an employers market out there. The last interview I had, whilst listening to the duties requested I was tempted to inquire if I would also be required to balance a basket of fruit on my head and dance the fucking flamenco as well.. Perhaps I’m just too old to tolerate stupid crap, that could be it. It certainly wasn’t the suit or the shoes..

Now that everyone is bored to tears, but assured I’m alive (thank you for your kind email inquiries) go on about doing something interesting with your extra day for this year..

Me and Jackie, we were tight like that..

Long ago in the dim recesses of time- you know the late seventies- I had an encounter in New York that dear Al inadvertently reminded me of the other day. I thought it might give him a smile.

I had more or less bailed on my very proper upbringing and ventured off to the wicked city to pursue my dream of being the next Gelsey Kirkand. Well, let’s just say that knees are a very poorly designed body part and we’ll leave it at that, shall we? Well yours truly was pretty much having a ball. Working hard at dancing, doing the occasional modeling gig to make some cash and partying my ass off more or less. I lived in a second floor walk up on Christopher Street. Yes, really. Myself, two anorexic psychotic models and a drag queen named Ramon/Ramona shared a two bedroom apartment. I opted to room with Ramona because the other two pretty well annoyed me. Let’s say it was a learning experience. All I know about makeup dears was learned there. I still miss you R..

I had met a quite fetching young man that I rather liked and he invited me to a very fancy gathering that his parents demanded he attend, a schmoozing thing for the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Well, as he was quite good looking, and let’s be real- completely loaded in the trust fund sort of cash reserve way, I accepted. Give me a break, I was flat broke and he was actually quite a nice guy in spite of the trust fund.

Well this did pose a bit of a problem. I had decamped to the metropolis with the leotards and such, the punk princess wear and the disco queen stuff. I had nothing even vaguely appropriate. So, I did what any sensible girl would do , I called my Mamma..

Well bless her heart, she called a shop she was quite well acquainted with and made an appointment for me to acquire something appropriate. While I never did learn what the conversation actually consisted of, I have a deep and abiding suspicion she said something to the effect of “put her in something by Monsieur de Givenchy- period.” Yes, I ended up with the quintessential Givenchy “little back dress”. And she naturally sprang for shoes and a bag, she was like that. You were indeed the best Mamma..

And it was a smashing dress. Very simple, immaculately tailored and I felt like a princess the moment I put it on. Trust fund boy and I arrived for this big soiree and I felt a rising sense of panic when we walked in. All the women were doing the late seventies pre “Dynasty” thing.. I felt like the ugly duckling in a room full of peacocks. Thus, I was feeling very awkward and quite out of place as the simple southern deb in her black dress and pearls.. The pater and mater were quite charming truthfully, and I proceeded to have actually a relatively pleasant evening.

And then it happened. The one and only Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis showed up. I must say I did consider fainting as an option. Really. While trying to be cool and not stare while she was making the quick rounds of the various loaded patrons, and I wasn’t the only one, I was literally captivated watching her.

She approached the mater and pater and did the quick, how lovely of you to come bit, and went to move along. She looked at me and smiled and gave that regal little head incline thing and gave me a quick little wink. I think my smile must have lit up the entire upper east side.

At that moment I realized we were actually the only two women in the room wearing the proverbial “simple black dress”.

I made the most expensive collect call of my life that night..

Act Fast!

As in NOW- deadline is 2/15. As I had done so a while back, yours truly dropped the ball on passing the word. Figuring most of the people I know are already mighty pissed about this, I sure am!!

I find the fact that the National Park Service is attempting to take away the right ("restrict" my ass) of the citizens of this country to assemble on the National Mall morally repugnant. Obviously to anyone with half a brain it is yet another attempt by the current administration to silence any opposition and take away yet another of our fundamental rights as citizens.

Can you imagine our country if Dr. King had not been allowed to speak that historic day? Any number of causes, be they right or left- the citizens of this country have had the right to stand on that strip of land and tell their government in no uncertain terms how they felt. Frankly I feel that's a cause we can all get behind, no matter what your particular politics might be. I've parked myself in that space more times than I can count, and in all those times and for the many various reasons, I knew damn good an well I was exercising my right as a citizen in the spirit this country was founded upon. I OWN that property damn you!! We all do!! You're sure as hell not going to be telling me what I can do in my back yard Shrub..

So kids head on over here.

And while you're at it make a pit stop here as well. The rights you save may well be not only yours folks, but your grand children's as well..

Get out there Virginia..

and Maryland, and DC.

Sounds weird, but I haven't missed a single election- not even for dog catcher- since I cast my first vote at 18 in 1979. I know there are those that rail that it no longer matters. Screw you. Voting was considered a sacred duty in my family. And I pound that concept into my children. As citizens of a free society, flawed as it might be, you have an obligation and indeed a duty to make the time to go forth and cast your vote.

Many people have died for that right, many still fight to be allowed that basic component of individual dignity. And it only actually works if we go forth and exercise that liberty . There is no doubt a great deal currently wrong with this country. I decry and fear on a nearly daily basis the leaders and events that have gotten us to this point. I am in no way an idealistic individual, I'm a hard nosed pragmatist. But I still have the faith, and I still believe that participatory democracy can indeed work. But only if the people do their part and do indeed participate and make their voices heard.

That said- I hear any shit about "hanging chads" in Florida, I might just start organizing a mob..

I am not a morning person..

But it is rather nice to look out the back door and see this while drinking my first cup of coffee. This my dears is why I tolerate the nut job next door.

I got served..

And I am in no way happy about it. As my loyal readers (both of you) know I live in the semi middle of nowhere, we aren't talking the suburbs here folks. My neighbors are by and large all nice folks, the sort you can borrow a cup of sugar or a bottle of bourbon from. The kind of folks you can call at quarter till three and say you're never going to make it, can they pick up your kids at school. Ice storm hits, and we're all collectively out there with the chain saws dealing with the situation and checking on the old folks. There are naturally a few I wouldn't invite for cocktails, but no hubris there. But there is one I have to say that is a pain in the ass for the entire group. And yep, lucky me it has to be one of my next door neighbors. Thank jeebus for 5 acre lots..

This person has a serious issue- hoarding. Most people keep it in the house, oh no not this person.. The entire lot. At last count (by court records) 15 inoperable vehicles, 7 lawnmowers, 15 weed whackers, 28 cases (yes- huge packing crates) of debris. 18 propane tanks and who the hell knows what else. While I generally am sympathetic to the mentally ill, sorry kids I'm being real NIMBY about this one.. It's my groundwater (we all have wells) it's my property value- my taxes nearly doubled last year due to the housing "boom", which I had no problem with. I drive on county roads and my kids go to public schools. HOWEVER- I can't in any way get full value for my property since I live next to a land fill. Not to mention vermin and the fact that if a fire starts over there I can kiss my ass goodbye- This has gone from weird and annoying to bat shit crazy and trying to run people down in her vehicle nuts..

I digress.. After four long years of litigation (and five years of complaints prior to get it to that point) we're down to the wire, public hearings exhausted and the final judicial bit was to be dealt with today. Well lucky me, yesterday I got served. For the wrong side. Yep I got called for the wrong team. Which is ironic as hell since I have had to testify on 5 different occasions on behalf of either the county or the Commonwealth. The bitch had me served.. The legal term here kids is "hostile witness"- but we got continued till next week as the judge got word his brother quite suddenly died partially through the proceedings, so I can't say more till after the fact.

However- I had to cancel lunch with the darling Red to haul my ass to court, which pissed me off beyond reckoning. I had to call my lawyer, which OK wasn't bad he's a lovely man and doesn't charge for such things anyway, to advise me, I missed going to drool over shoes in the "big city" and also had to cancel a mental health spa appointment which I can only afford about twice a year.. I'm out of sorts dears, in a major way.

But what the hell, I'm meeting the Beast in the "big city" with a friend we haven't seen in ages for dinner, so the mood will no doubt improve. Have a lovely weekend darlings, I'm off to find something red to wear..

Where was I?

Chaos. Absolute chaos. That more or less covers it. It’s been a horribly busy time the past few weeks, complicated by being rather unwell. Not full blown I can hide in bed sick, the kind of sick that allows you to remain upright and mobile, thus hindering recovery.

I’ve tried like hell to get a rather large project finished, and the deadline looms.. But I just can’t seem to get my focus fully together in order to complete the task at hand. Much to my eternal annoyance, and I daresay that of my client. And the more I stress over the impending date, the worse the lack of concentrated effort seems to become. It’s turned into some evil sort of vile back feed loop.

Brother #2 up and had a heart attack. After coming to a loving sisterly acceptance of his stubborn ways- he up and has a heart attack and then doesn’t bother to tell anyone until five days later. I was more than a little put out by this, I can assure you. Actually it was more along the lines of “What the fuck is wrong with you?? I know damn well your wife is capable of dialing a phone so, you TOLD her not to call.” I’m damn sure his best friend, his clients and the damn postman knew, but he didn’t want to call his family?? I really no longer get that man, I truly don’t and I guess it’s time to just give up trying, he’s just not right. And if you think I was pissed, the Old Fart got more than a little put out over it. I mean really, who the hell does this when they’re generally on good terms with their family? Hell who would do it if they weren’t? I just don’t get it.

The estrogen wars have heated up in rather grandiose fashion. There really ought to be some sort of natural law against puberty and menopause in the same house. You know, some sort of survival of the species mechanism that just doesn’t allow it. My normally fairly level female child has turned into someone I no longer know. While I am quite sure it’s temporary in nature, I really wish the aliens would bring her back home and take back this creature they left in her place.

To say the Beast and I have a stormy relationship is like saying it was right breezy in New Orleans the day Katrina hit.. But the storm always blows past and things go back to usual. Took a bit longer this go round.. Which in the midst of all the other shit was really not something that contributed to getting things back on track. I’m the match, he’s the gas, but in spite of it we’ve managed not to blow the joint up in 27 years. But there are those moments that I wonder what one of those lovely conflict free relationships would be like.

I have really tried to put issues in perspective, to be thankful in a genuine and encompassing way for all that I am blessed with. Sadly the current state of mental exhaustion seems to be somewhat at odds with putting matters into a nice zen-like perspective. I’d really prefer to have the old list making, getting shit done me back frankly.. I’m done whining now, y’all go back to what you were doing.

A sinking feeling.

Brother #2 has been at it again. The emergency gall bladder surgery right before the holidays was very troublesome indeed. Somehow things don’t seem to be progressing quite the way they ought to.

Aside from a fresh scar to add to his rather impressive assemblage, I fear that the fun and games of the entire bypass drama made no long lasting impression on the man. That or things are just starting to slide downhill, his recalcitrant ways aside.

While not prone to superstition, I have a deep sense of foreboding every time I speak to him and I hear he’s “just not feeling right yet”. Perhaps it’s paranoia. Perhaps knowing we’ve finally come to a place where we can deal with one another as adults, not merely siblings and I fear he’s going to be taken away from me is simply my problem. But a very reckless youth and it’s damage, a stubborn disposition in middle age all seem to be closing in quickly. Perhaps something got lodged in him many years ago, having dodged death in such grandiose fashion how could something as trivial as an internal organ do him in?

I do so hope I’m terribly, terribly wrong. Because I do love his stubborn, hardheaded ass.

That four letter word.

Let the fun begin! As my dear daughter calls it- “The grand southern ritual of bread and toilet paper”. Yes folks, that nasty four letter word yours truly despises- snow.. A lot of snow coming our way. And since it likes a party it seems to have invited it’s friend sleet along .

Now I really don’t know the rituals involved in other parts of the country in respect to white and icky frozen bits falling from the sky, but around here it sets off a compulsive need in normally sane folks to charge to the grocery store and upon arrival decimate the shelves.. Especially in the bread and toilet paper departments.

Y’all, you will be able to get out tomorrow if you have to! Honest! And since we live in the damn mountains, where it indeed does snow with some regularity, I’d have expected a bit more sense. Worst I ever saw was 6 feet and we were dug out the next day, and if necessary could have made it in to town. Not on your life! The post snow grocery freak out is almost as bad as the pre game festivities.

That said, little ole me did indeed have to go to the damn store this morning. Severe dog food miscalculation on my part, damn! I try my best to avoid driving in the snow for one reason- I always get within the proximity of the guy with a big ass truck that thinks the fact he has four wheel drive makes him 7 feet tall and bullet proof on ice.. And he’s always the jackass that causes the 10-car pile up.

But since the big dog gets pretty cranky when he’s hungry, I decided I would indeed brave the insanity for his growling tummy. Also realizing the boy has no grits and if he doesn’t get grits and cheese in the morning I’ll have both of them giving me the look. I figured around 7:00AM nothing falling yet- this is manageable. What the hell, I was up and dressed anyway.

*Cue Mission Impossible music*

Grab the list off the fridge and haul it on in to town. Parking lot looks sparse- good deal! And the Beast says a grocery list arranged by aisle is anal.. hah! Since I’m there I grab the stuff I’d have gotten anyway, what the hell, why go back this weekend? Coming around the home stretch with my 15 or so items and come to a screeching halt. One register open- ONE. Shit! 10 people queued up already- damn, quick left turn into self-check out, and no line, woo hoo! I should have known it was all going too well.. I had to get the cranky scanner that forces a 10 swipe minimum per item to get it to read. Finally get out of there, toss the movies through the slot at Blockbuster, and away we go..

Within 10 minutes of my arrival home the phone rings. It’s my favorite neighbor. “I’m heading in to town, need anything while I’m there?” Yeah, a ticket to Miami or Rome please..

I think I need to be in time out.

I’ve been in a bit of a vile mood the past few weeks. Winter and I never did get on well, but as I less than gracefully slide into my middle years, it’s gotten worse. The ennui of the past summer is back, and along with it a nasty disposition. I really am a pretty even-tempered person as a rule, but I find myself looking in the mirror wondering who in the hell is that woman looking back at me? Things that would normally merely irritate me are really pissing me off.

Case in point- I received an automated phone call from the high school last week, kindly letting me know the date we have to cough up the cash for Miss Thing’s school ring. I was mildly annoyed. Two hours later I receive a call from the guidance department. Miss Thing came home Friday before last with a handwritten URL for the state Governor’s School and proceeds to say, “Mom, they gave me this and told me I should let them know if we’re interested in applying.” Well yes dear, I looked at the start of school and applications weren’t available yet, please get me the information… Time goes by, no info forthcoming. Therefore last Friday I call and leave a message for the counselor. She calls back. The child’s PSAT scores (they had 10 graders take it this year as a practice run) were one of the highest in the county. OK, so you people can call me to remind me to send a check in for a class ring, but no one thought THIS might actually be fucking important enough to warrant a call? I was not amused.. Deadline for said application was today. Great. Spent the weekend dealing with the application, getting the kid to make with the essay bit and so on and so forth. Draft a note to the nice teachers that I’ll have to politely request to drop whatever else they are doing so letters of recommendation can be done to go with the application by midweek. Sunday after it was all done I snapped. I went off- at myself. Dogs, kids and spouse all scattered, as the times I have actually completely lost it can be counted on one hand- but damn they are memorable.

We live in a very small county and the gifted program is grossly under funded. We made the choice some years back to not push the issue of having her “identified” for multiple reasons. One, there really was no advantage to having the resources used, as she was already in accelerated classes and this process would genuinely do little more than that. Two, I figured if being top of your class, coming up in the 98th percentile of every standard test you’ve administered to her and generally excelling academically since kindergarten wasn’t enough of a clue for you people, well screw you. We’ve paid for all of her outside enrichment programs ourselves and would have anyway. See, my stubborn screw you attitude was the root of this little fiasco. Had she been ‘identified” and on the list, we’d have gotten notification long ago as to deadlines and such. My menopausal Alzheimer’s caused it as well, if you’re going to take a screw you attitude, you’d better be prepared to do your own leg work. Had I any sense I’d have checked back once a week for deadlines and application information. I really think I need to get away for a couple of days- I don’t much care for my own company at the moment. But thanks, I feel a little better since I got that out of my system.

10 Things-

My dear virtual brother Tater has decided that as long as he was humiliating himself, Hat and I ought to mortify ourselves as well. Gee, thanks dear, now I really know you care.. Well this few minutes of embarrassment is better than the home improvement hell in my basement at the moment, so on with the show!


1) Three Exes I would pretend not to know today:

Joe- because we were both such immature assholes. Dave- stalking is just not cool, why could you not just behave like a normal person? Four dates did not qualify me as your life partner. Tammy (don’t give me that look) who couldn't fathom that love and sex can be two completely different things- in spite of the fact that I was painfully clear on that point.


2) The most scandalous rumor to pass through my high school..

That a certain junior gave birth, and proceeded to stuff the baby in a drawer. Sadly it turned out to be true. Baby died and she went to an asylum for a while.


3) The time I Knew Santa didn’t exist.

I seem to recall I was about 8. Brother #2 told me the cold hard facts and I didn’t want to believe him. That Christmas Eve I saw Daddy hauling a bike out of the back of the station wagon and hiding it in the garage, so I sadly knew he was right.


4) The funniest thing I did in a house of worship.

Does sex count as funny?


5) Best excuse I came up with for being out past curfew.

I dropped a friend off at his house after the basketball game and I got lost on my way home. Hey, a person can get lost for three hours, really! Yeah well, they didn't buy it either.


6) Saturday cartoon character I had a crush on.

Race Bannon in Johnny Quest. I think it was the voice that did me in.


7)Cartoon character I wanted to be.

Never noticed a lot of strong female types other than Wonder Woman, though her accessories do totally rock. . I was more of a comic book type myself- the Marvel collection my parents tossed when I moved out could put both my kids through college AND grad school! I’d have to say either Red Sonja or Medusa from the Inhumans. They both kicked some serious ass.


8)Foods I can no longer stomach.

Never could tolerate beef liver or beets. Sorry, they just taste like dirt, and nasty dirt at that.


9)Tacky pick up line you used that worked.

I was never in the habit of picking up strange men.. I let them do the work.


10)Secret Hangover recipe.

Lots of water before bed. Then in the morning (or afternoon, as the case may be) a very large glass of tomato juice, hash browns and then a Bloody Mary or two.

So now I guess I get to pass the mortification around, hey- misery loves company people. I was going to pick on Red. But since I have to face him in a couple of weeks and I don't want him throwing spider rolls at me, I decided to be charitable. You now owe me a drink dear.. My left coast buddy Sling, having such an interesting life- ought to provide us all with some illuminating answers. That and I am sure he has a secret hangover cure we could all benefit from. And my darling Will, because such a cultured gentleman as himself must have some interesting answers as well.. that and I want to distract him for a wee bit.

Have a swell Saturday my dears, I now need to go face that large hole in the side of my house and try not to cry.

Happy New Year!

Well- that was a busy week! First chance to take a walk about blogger town and check in on everyone for quite a while now. Looks like you all had yourselves a merry little Christmas, and I hope a safe and fun New Years Eve.

Christmas was lovely, and that draft of holiday traditions here at Casa de Locos sat so long that its pretty much old and useless news, so on to more current affairs. The big day was loads of fun. We did our part to stimulate the economy and the kids were quite happy with their haul. Baby Sister and the Old Fart came over for dinner and it was a pleasant evening for all concerned. Good food, good booze and loot, what more could a girl ask for?

Let’s see, the little darlings got me books and a lovely cashmere sweater. Because we all know I’m a cashmere ‘Ho. The Beast got me a lateral file- don’t laugh, I needed it. I got him a new alternator and a battery- very thoughtful, don’t you think? Nice of the vehicle to get sick right before the holidays.. Our anniversary was quiet, and kid free for a change. 21 years (legally) and we haven’t killed one another yet, so we’ll call that a win for the home team. Note- if anyone ever suggests you get married between Christmas and New Years, tell them no. The lovely and romantic gift for said occasion was French doors for the basement. I was leaning more towards a trip to Mexico or something, but sadly the door in the basement that is leaking and totally screwing up that exterior wall was a little more pressing than me getting sandy and sunburned.

There’s nothing more romantic than spending your anniversary traipsing through Lowe’s. Myself, I’m a stealth shopper- I know what I want; I get it and get the hell out as fast as possible. The Beast has to spend forever and six more hours wandering all over, causing me to spend much precious energy trying to figure out where the hell he got to now.

I have a brilliant idea! Someone needs to make a little homing button than you clip on your partner the moment you enter said cavern of home improvement products, the other partner gets a hand held GPS tracking device- thus enabling said irritated individual to find their partner without walking 6 miles pushing a rather heavy cart. I myself think it’s sheer genius; hell I’d hand over 5 bucks to rent the damn thing!

New Years Eve was quiet, which was pretty much what I was shooting for. So here we are with a brand new shiny year to put my mark on. I don’t make resolutions, as I consider them self defeating prophecies- but I have decided that the coming year I shall expend more effort into looking around and enjoying all the wonderful people and things in my life and make an attempt to quit bitching quite so much. Except about politics..

Well dears, as it is New Years day yours truly must get to preparations for the traditional feast. I’m not really superstitious, but somehow I really do have to make with the traditional meal of greens, black eyes and pork, as somewhere in the recesses of my brain I am sure disaster shall befall the family unit if I don’t. Well that and the fact that I’ve had that particular meal every New Years day for the past 46 years, why screw with tradition?

Peace, love and kind and gentle blessings be upon you and those you love in the coming year.

Happy Holidays!

Had someone told me a year ago that there would be people in my life that I had never met in the flesh that would become so very, very dear to me- and steer me through some rather hard days, I’d have told them they were barking mad. Life’s funny like that, huh?

My love and wishes dears-

Tater Bug- my dear, sweet virtual brother. I wish upon you peace my dear and strength in the days ahead. Take the gift of what reconciliation you have with your daddy honey and cherish it for what it is. Curious how someone I never got to hug in “reality” has found such a place in my heart..

Hat- Whenever I talk to you, I really do have to remind myself we actually haven’t been friends for decades. Crazy, isn’t it? May the coming year give you more outlets for your brilliance dear girl. The Hurricane sends kisses ;)

Cousin Rainey- So, the reunion is in August, we’ll be expecting you dear. Talk about your crazy karmic coincidences, huh??? Steak & Mushroom soup recipe will be en route to you soon. Best to you, and the Spouse and the Child. Generate some good vibes for my heathen ass this season..

Red- You precious thing you- I’m working on finding a husband worthy of you honey. Tall order, to say the least! But I’ll be trekking to Tysons soon so we can sit down and talk about it.. And trust me buddy, to get me into that neck of the woods takes something pretty damn important.

Sling- get on with your bad ass self.. You sir, are a gentleman of the old school, right and proper. And I indeed mean that in the best way possible. Be safe, watch your possessions and much love to you and the Slinglets..

Wills- your sweet and constant good cheer has made many a bad day better my friend. Be well and give Laurent and Reesie baby a little snuggle just for the hell of it from me. Oh, and I hope Laurent’s trip to see his Mamma goes well- though I imagine that will be the proverbial bag of mixed blessings.. bless his heart- wish there was some wise thing I could say to make it all go away..

Cowbell- Every time I want to get a real case of the ass about the universe, I look at how you manage it and feel inspired, and I thank you for that. You are quite an amazing person and seeing the world from your point of view never fails to either expand my little universe, or validate what I already knew. Enjoy your time with the three offspring, and I pray for no unpleasant issues from the OMFH for at least a few weeks!

Jeff- hang in there sugar! If there were words that could make the next few months somehow easier for you, I wish I knew what they were! All I can say is I genuinely know how hard it is to let go dear, just don’t assume you have to all at once.. Actually, don’t even try- you’ll just have to trust me on that one.

EG- You never fail to make me laugh, think, or do both at the same time! You’ve brightened many a day for me and I do thank you sir.. However it does bear repeating that yours truly has a thing for red angora.. just sayin’ And yes, I am actually shameless.

Gavin- Between the hunk, the douche and the pretty pictures you always make a bright spot in my day. And for that, I genuinely am thankful.

Miss Lynette- My blog Mamma.. you actually were the reason I started my very public private diary. Not that my occasional rants hold a candle to your brilliant writing- you were however the spark. May your holiday be bright (as in WITH electricity) and I hope you and Mike enjoy nothing but the best the coming year may bring.

And to anyone I didn’t mention- nothing personal! I’m way behind in the kitchen department since the lights went out yet again today and if this doesn’t get done now, it pretty much won’t get done at all…

May you and yours enjoy peace, the love of one another and all that fills your heart with joy.

It wouldn't be Christmas-

Without some Brian Setzer..

Project Runway Recap

Well I'm more or less not going to bother because Lorraine and Miss Hat both do such a far superior job, why the heck should my lazy ass bother? and Hat, you rock out loud!!!!!! You are just brilliant girl! Lorraine, you're killing me!

That said- Christian annoys the crap out of me. Chris, honey get it together or you're gone again baby. Sweet P, I love ya, and we could go for drinks and have an absolute blast! Sweetie- long sleeves girlfriend, long sleeves..

So my drinking game was every time I wanted to slap Christian back into last week- drink time. I was pushing plowed halfway into it. Plan B time on that one..


But after being ill and cranky and not in the holiday spirit I decided to make all festive- cause over dressing makes me feel better like that. Is there a 12 step program for red?

Lovely, Isn't it?

Makes me rather wistful that I had to hang up my toe shoes.. Knees really are a poorly designed part. And yes Lorraine, the half naked Sting is indeed part of the appeal, I grant you.

A little frivilous amusement.

I decided to play along with Lorraine and Hat in the dress up for Project Runway game. I also figured the entire universe is tired of me being sick, overwhelmed and whining, I know I am. Frankly I'm annoying the crap out of myself as of yesterday. Yes, I really do totally suck at being sick.





Since getting dressed up always makes me feel better, may as well have something fun on while sipping my glass of Chateau Robisussin '06 and waving at Tim Gunn. You'll have to trust me, works much better on me on than the hanger..

Yes Tate, red doors = bad background choice. Too late now.. Yes Hat, the doors and trim in my bedroom are actually red, but honest, when taken in context it really doesn't scream "bordello"- It's totally Asian modern decor.
I love this crazy, over the top jacket to absolute bits. Keeping in mind that I normally am not a patterns or brocades kind of person- not that they aren't often lovely, but let's be real- on small people you don't generally wear the pattern, it wears you.. Love it, love it, love it and just don't care. The whole assymetrical hem and double collar action.



And equally over the top shoes. Gee, didn't see that coming, did you? Ironically I purchased the shoes three years before I decided on a whim I had to have the jacket. Now the little suede ballet flats do tone the entire thing down, but where the hell is the fun in that?? Yes, yes- ugly dancer feet, now you know why I usually avoid mules..



And can someone please tell me what in the hell was Donna Karan wearing????

Is this week over yet??

Well this week is starting quite badly. Not that y’all care, but I have to whine to someone after all..

Let’s see, the Beast was ill and passed it on to me. I don’t get sick often, so I really try and overachieve when I do. This my dears is gonna turn ugly- mark my words. Let’s see- fever? Check. Elephant jumping up and down on my chest? Check. Ice pick sensation in the ears? Right. OK, on with the show. And the best part, the Beast is now out of town on business- oh joy. But then again, I do tend to be a leave me alone sort when ill, and the whole nurturing thing really isn’t his bag. The kids however will take care of me, once I pick them up from school that is.. They tend to get mildly freaked when Mom is sick and bless them, do tend to be very sweet.

So since I know it’s about to seriously hit the fan I tried to get some work done today. Hasn’t worked out too well, but hey, I tried.

Yesterday when the hacking and snorting started, guess who showed back up on the doorstep? Yep, the lost children returned. That was a short, but peaceful 24 hours. In theory they were coming back to pick up their stuff. The supposed friend's basement they were to be moving into suddenly wasn’t going to be available for a few weeks as the other folks were having trouble moving out.. Uh, huh.. Well normally I’d have given such a statement some credence. At this point-umm, no. Not buying it. The Hurricane is missing a chunk of cash, my phone bill is going to give me a stroke next month, I guarantee you, and I saw not one single proactive effort to rectify the situation in respect to getting their shit together. Looking at rental properties that take up 95% of the sole working person’s monthly take home whilst the other partner made no effort whatsoever to find gainful employ does not strike me as proactive, productive or even realistic in any way…

So I (meaning we) did the hardest thing I’d ever had to do to another person. I said no. Sorry. Not going to do any more. You’re not family, we’re not even close friends and we have extended ourselves as far as we’re willing and more than we’re capable of managing- you need a qualified social worker to sort this out. Here are the numbers (again) for all the transitional housing programs and shelters in a 60 mile radius.

Yes, I knew full well they’d be sleeping in a car and I did it anyway. And I feel like total shit about it. I mean seriously uncomfortable with myself.. But I know in my bones this is the only way they are going to get any sort of motivation to face and deal with the situation. But I still feel like crap about it either way. And I am in no way trying to make “holier than thou”- but seriously if my kids were facing such a situation Miss Dora would be working 14th Street in a mini skirt in the snow, checking at the 7-11 and two other jobs, if that’s what it took to take care of my kids…

And the ironic thing is, had we really seen genuine effort to get their act together, they’d still be here and they just don’t get that. I’m just a heartless self- centered bitch. Oh well, so be it. This heartless bitch has a family of her own to worry about.

Forget fruitcake..

Beefcake for Christmas and supporting an excellent cause, what more could you want? Did I mention hunky firefighters sans shirts?? Ahh, now I have your attention, don't I?

Over 80% of the firefighters in New Orleans lost their homes and all of their possessions after Hurricane Katrina. The fire stations themselves were also badly damaged. While they now have the basic equipment they need to fight fires, what they don't have are station house uniforms – they've been coming to work in their own jeans and t-shirts.

You can help give their morale a boost by giving a New Orleans Firefighters Look Hot 2008 Calendar. All proceeds are going to purchase station house uniforms for every firefighter in the city. Every red cent goes straight to the effort.

Considering all these guys did, go forth and do a little guilt free gifting, not to mention the whole hot guys in uniforms bonus. Talk about win-win!

And feel free to share this lovely gift idea- hint, hint.

I get by with a little help from my friends

don't get high with a little help from my friends anymore, unless the occasional Chardonnay binge counts... However-

I know full well I am one of those people that genuinely needs to be connected in some fashion or another to others. I need my peeps! It's just the way I am. Which is perhaps the reason why my Ohana is so large.. But in truth I'm just lucky to have so many wonderful friends, neighbors and colleagues in my life.

But to tell the truth, I tend not to vent or give the entire unvarnished ugly to many people, and to those few, rarely. Which is probably why my very public, secret blog 'o my life is so precious to me. The friends I have made here are very much a part of my Ohana as well. The fact that we've never met in the flesh really doesn't mean jack, the human spirit can connect without being right next door, or even on the same continent. Kindred spirits find one another. A professor of mine once told me that communities of the heart are created in many different ways, and if you open yourself up to possibilities, your life will be enriched ten fold. So true. Mine sure has been.

I thank you all for letting me whine the past few weeks, and for being a part of my Ohana.. Will, you rock! And cheered me up more than you'll ever know! Very musical, yes? Ironic as hell, isn't it? And I'm not even catholic..

And a special thanks to my virtual brother, and totally non-sexual crush- my one and only Tater bug- you made it all right honey and I love ya! You are the absolute best my sweet, may the Goddess always smile upon you and yours. I'll be wearing something new and red at the Christmas Parade tomorrow just for you! Thanks baby, I really needed that very gentle little kick- love ya!

Thank you all for hanging in there with me and taking care of me! Blessings and peace upon all of your houses.

Alex- I'll take 2 points for effort for $500.00.

It’s been a really crazy few days, to say the least. In spite of my hard line intentions, we gave the lost children one more week.. As my grandmother used to say “You can’t teach common sense.” How very true.

Well, best intentions, yada, yada, yada… It’s just painfully obvious that nothing has gotten through- nothing. But they have secured a place to stay as of this coming weekend, so at least I don’t have to feel guilty about that. The problems are just way larger than our capacity to fix. And fixing a problem generally also requires effort, and I’m sad to say I really am seeing none. And the fact that I caught major attitude for asking if there was a departure plan, as the agreement had been they were to be vacating as of Sunday past- you could say I am just done to death with the entire thing. Gratitude I don’t require, civility- why yes, I actually do!

But I can’t help but feel like I’m being an awful person. I want my house back to normal. I no longer wish to cook and clean for a party of eight, thank you very much. My children are pretty well over the 2 and 3 year olds trashing the house and causing a rukus, as am I frankly. I want my space back.. I have work I need to complete, deadlines on the horizon and my clients don’t care if I’m having issues at the moment.

Yeah, I guess I am being a bitch. Well, so be it, I did try, I really did…

Walk right in, it's around the back..

just a half a mile from the rail road track.

I had to laugh. While watching the turkey fry- yes Baby Sister had to fry the sucker, and it was damn good- Brother #2 said "It's been a lot of years since you sang Alice's Restaurant for me." So I did. As previously noted, my idiot savant thing is lyrics, so there we sat on the porch frying a 20 pound turkey and I sang the whole damn thing for him. Right down to the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one. Yeah, I'm weird like that.. and it's kind of a family tradition.

Excellent day, I really miss my brother.. and it was awfully nice to have the day with him, especially after the August drama. So enjoy your day too Arlo- and the rest of y'all as well..

Have an excellent day folks-

A blessing upon all your houses and may you enjoy your feast of choice with people you love. And my thanks for all of the virtual love and support the past week or so!

I actually won’t be cooking since some time in the 80’s- Chef Baby Sister and the Cranky Old Fart are doing the honors this year, Brother #2 is in town as well. Which will be lovely, we haven’t had a holiday together in the better part of a decade and change. Which does mean I’ll have to bite my tongue and be pleasant to his she-devil. Oh well, I can manage for a few hours with the help of a glass or four of wine. We made a deal Tater, I will behave, I swear! I'll be downright damn charming..

Well, time to bake a couple of pies, finish the appetizers and make with some breakfast so we can watch the parade.

Be well, be safe and enjoy whatever you may do today.

My Ohana rocks!

Obviously I was not meant to be a social worker- I’m too damn pragmatic. I expect my “Get your shit together NOW!” mode wouldn’t work real well..

But, that said- my Ohana totally rocks.. As predicted- the situation went south. The only vehicle the lost children have broke down. Crap- well we really don’t have the resources to deal with that situation at the moment. So the calls went out.. This is just more shit than we can manage alone.

Mechanic genius friend/neighbor- I managed to fix a rather large insurance problem for him a while back after kid five was born with heart problems- to the tune of about 40k- he’ll diagnose the car.

Dude I know that owns an independent car rental, I fixed an issue for him in respect to a little coverage situation for his Mom,. In truth, not a big deal, just a knowing who to raise hell with thing. He’s offering up a rental for next to nothing so they can manage getting to work and such for at least two weeks.

Old friend that’s a retired social worker gave me referrals to every resource in the entire damn region for assistance to help me in lighting a fire under their asses..

My Ohana rocks out loud!!!!!!! If nothing else I am reminded that my life has been blessed with some genuinely amazing people. Seriously- I am so damn lucky to have all these amazing people in my life.

And my virtual Ohana is equally exceptional- thank you all for the good karma! I expect we’re going to be needing it the next few days..

Yep- I'm still here..

Sorry dears- no DSL for a few days and it has been terribly difficult to find a moment to compose anything. That is if one can actually refer to me bitching as “composing” anything.. Those few moments of peace I squeeze in have had to be devoted to the paying side gigs- with one or two little forays to check on my bloggy buddies to help maintain my sense of humor.. But thank y’all for checking in, it really means more than you probably know.

I think I must be old and set in my ways.. This has been a lot harder than I thought to deal with. But then again, the dogs and kids are none too thrilled either, so perhaps it’s not just me. Baby sister and her partner lived with us for nearly four months a couple of years back while transitioning from Florida to Virginia and it was pretty easy. Hell, it was downright enjoyable most of the time, even with two extra dogs underfoot. Current situation? Not so much…

I keep telling myself that doing the right thing doesn’t mean it’s the easy thing. Rinse and repeat..

It’s been a zoo more or less. My current universe was not designed for out of control toddlers. While I’m sure not a candidate for mother of the year, I’m pretty certain my kids were never that out of control at those particular ages. And I pretty well draw the line at giving unsolicited parenting advice, as that’s pretty damned overbearing. Especially in light of the fact that I’m trying to give some common sense 101 advice to try and help these two get their act together. I fear this is going nowhere.

It appears that the answer is going to fall from the sky- even though I keep gently preaching proactive kids, get proactive- this is how you got where you are as it is.. Very, very frustrating. And I do not in any way expect guests in my home to labor away, but could you put your dishes in the dishwasher? Wipe the counter off after the cheerios and cereal or juice have gotten all over it?

I keep trying to remember that this has to be as difficult for them as well, being in someone else’s home. The only time it ever happened to me was during a huge ice storm a few years back- the power was out for a week. Boots and her family took us in, as they have doggies and such and a week in a hotel with 2 dogs just wasn’t going to work. It was fairly pleasant, if a little awkward at times, as we were trying not to disrupt their lives too much. Boots hates to cook, so I made dinner every night as a way to say thanks- made the kids help keep things clean and so on. I’m no saint- that’s not what I’m trying to imply, but a wee bit of consideration?

It will be what it will be in the long run.. and good things have come out of it. Miss Thing has had to try and learn how to deal with small humans. We have figured out that the Hurricane should have been born first, he makes an awesome older sibling. I have seen a really sweet, patient and loving side of him with the little ones that is pretty amazing. And I may well have learned that there are some things I can’t fix. But we’ll see, I haven’t given up yet.

And again, thank for thinking of me y’all!

Ohana-

Is a word that has always resonated with me, as defined by the following:

’Ohana can actually mean much more than the dictionary definition of family. ’Ohana can describe a community, a circle of friends, who share common goals and values.

Having kids, I also liked the definition in the movie Lilo & Stitch:
“Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.”

We’ve always had an Ohana that spreads well beyond the immediate family unit. Which is generally a delightful thing. Our “adopted” kids are now numbered somewhere around twelve or so. They started numbering themselves, don’t ask me why. But either way, they are always welcome and all know which fridge the juice is in and where to find the extra TP. And any number of stray adults that the kids all refer to as “Aunt” or “Uncle” -in spite of a complete lack of blood relation there.. and it’s all good.

My concept of Ohana got tested today. I got a call from a young woman I worked with many years ago, we’ve stayed in sporadic touch, and I always thought she was a good kid. We get together on occasion, but it’s not like an exceptionally close relationship by any means.

She and her husband and two kids got evicted and have been living in their car for two days.. They have no family near by, no Ohana either.. Left side of the brain would never let a child sleep in a car if I could do anything about it. Right side of the brain realizes- not mine to raise and this could turn in to a long term commitment we’re not necessarily in a position to deal with financially. Crap!!! So, the left and right got together for a conversation and decided to call a family meeting.

The Beast is all for a short term assistance mission, the Hurricane got all sad thinking about little people in such a situation, Miss Thing agreed this was a nasty state of affairs, but wanted some limits set on this situation clearly defined for her prior to any further discussion or agreement. This house is not big enough for 8 people (two of them under 5) to live for anything other than a very short period of time..

Guess who’s coming to dinner?? I spent two hours researching transitional housing programs that are available in their “last county of residence”- which is the defining criteria for such assistance. Have numbers, applications printed and such.

How far do I go here? The mom and compulsive organizer/fixer wants to take charge, but I fear that’s the wrong thing to do on multiple levels.. But conversely I fear without some strong guidance from someone (not necessarily us) this situation is going to go south real damn quick..

If it was just me it would be one thing- but I’m involving my kids and husband in this scenario.. Have I done the right thing? We decided two weeks was about as far as we can afford this either financially or in the space and intrusion department. Have I gone too far? Am I doing too little??? Aw hell- what do I do??

A stroll down memory lane..

So, the quickie reunion was mighty nice.. get your mind out of the gutters people.

A good bottle of wine and a pleasant couple of hours of catch up and recollection is a fine way to spend an afternoon. J-Man came out of the closet about 15 years ago- good for him. I was mildly amused that he was a wee bit put out that I wasn’t shocked. Umm, honey I saw that coming nearly three decades ago? But in truth most people wouldn’t have, I just did for what ever reason. He’s well, happy and living his life, it’s all good. It was a lovely afternoon.

So for Tate and EG, the lurid details of a part of Miss Dora’s tale. Why y’all need the nasty I don’t fathom..

Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away.. Oops, wrong story. Long, long ago in a small college town- OK, right story. Music was always a large part of my life. Daddy was a frustrated musician, so my early childhood definitely had a sound track. Benny Goodman, Miles Davis, Cole Porter and so on and so on.. I’d sit on his lap and close my eyes and just listen and he’d ask “what instrument is that?” I was singing along with Miss Ella at about age three.. One of the parent’s restaurants had a pretty well known blues joint in the basement and I got to hear a lot of really great people that broadened my musical tastes. Then my older brothers got into music and that whole late sixties early seventies rock and folk got thrown into the mix. I loved it all, and still do.

I sang in the church choir- yes it boggles the mind. The only thing that kept me returning to church was choir, plain and simple. There was an amazing director, young, gay and full of excellent ideas. The youth choir at that Methodist church was incredible.. There were indeed people that came to services merely to hear the choir. The only thing that kept me in high school was theater and chorus truthfully, the rest of the time I was bored out of my mind, or getting stoned to try and numb the fact I was bored out of my mind..

So naturally what would Miss Dora do when left to her own devices? Well find a band or four to hang out with naturally. Knees blew out and ballet became a fond “what if” so what the hell, let’s hit the band circuit. Now the fun thing about small college towns is that bands tend to be fluid things, and all tend to party together.. Yep- I was a stage ‘ho. The Blues one night, a rock band the next, and I did Patsy Cline and Emmylou and Waylon more than once as well. And yes, I have been a Do-Wop girl too.

The boys in the bands loved me for three things- I loved music, I have this idiot savant thing with lyrics, and let’s face it, having a chick fronting gets you a little exposure. And oddly enough it really wasn’t an “attention” thing per se for me. It was just a state of joy for me to be on stage, and in truth it was in many respects not “me” on stage- just me, and the music and the other folks just came along for the ride. I was equally as happy just jamming in a living room at some communal house with 10 people that had never played together.

My voice was never anything spectacular- but people were often surprised that voice did come out of a short scrawny white chick.. I’m a natural tenor. Yes- skinny little pale girl can sing the blues. But I had fun with it, and it made me very happy.

As to the sordid drugs, sex and leather pants.. No Hat- thankfully no pictures survive that I am aware of, so don’t start.. Tate and EG, you’ll just have to bloody well call me if you want those nasty bits. And the prior year in New York? Well that would be the real collection of sordid tales. I often look in the mirror and wonder how the hell I made it out alive..

Never saw that coming-

Busy Tuesday morning.. Had lots of crap to drop at the various offices I’m freelancing for, got a flu shot, did the parent teacher conference for the Hurricane, stopped to vote.. All of which led me back to the gas station/general store at the foot of the mountain to mortgage the house to fill the tank before I head on up.

Heading out of the store I hear someone calling me by a nickname. Warning- major digression ahead- Most of my close friends can be easily marked as to the number of years we’ve been friends by what they call me. If you’ve known me quite some time and we’re close, just my first initial. Just “C”. If you knew me back when raptors roamed the earth (i.e.- before the Beast and I tied the knot) the initials of my first and middle name.. “C.C.”

Imagine my shock as I hear someone calling frantically “C.C.!!!” Huh? I see a man in a beautifully tailored suit standing next to a rather nice looking Mercedes jumping up and down screaming a name reserved only for people I know very, very well.. and I have no fucking clue who the hell this is. As the daughter would say, “Oh my- AWKWARD”

Doing the only thing I could do, I strolled on over, trying like hell to figure out who this could possibly be. No clue.. Zip, zero, nada..

So I get this huge bear hug from some guy that obviously knows me and I’m trying like hell to make a connection.. The second he let go and I looked into his eyes and was really able to really hear his voice it hit me.. JAMES!!!!!!!!! What the hell are you doing here??

James was the bass player in the first band I ever fronted for. So you’ll have to understand da hard core blues scraggly boy had morphed into some dude in a Hugo Boss suit driving a fucking Mercedes.. I wasn’t tracking. Never would have seen that one coming in a million years.

So I’m happy as hell to see this old friend. But I’m like- man, how the hell did you recognize me? Back in the “day” yours truly sported butt length hair, as opposed to the inch and a half length I roll with these days. (Yeah Tate- boggles the mind doesn’t it?) So James laughs his ass off and says “You’re still you bitch” Aren’t old friends the best thing ever??

Invited him up to the casa, but he was heading south to check out a group Blacksburg- he’s an east coast “talent scout” of sorts for a record label these day, go figure- he had obligations. But we’ve made plans for the trip back after seeing the kids play on Thursday, and are already yakking about a reunion for the old crew, just for us. I admit, just once I would like for my kids to see the Mom sing on stage, just once for the hell of it. But more than anything else, just to have a chance to sing with the boys again- they were a wild bunch, but all very, very talented and creative people, and they enriched my life a great deal just by having the chance to hang around with them.

Random chance, karma, whatever you want to call it, can sometimes come back to haunt you in a very happy way.

So, is everyone having a pleasant weekend?

It was rather a lovely afternoon here yesterday, I must say.




Hope you boys in Boston are enjoying yourselves. You could have at least posted a picture or two last night, really..

Since I'm lazy I'll just resort to some pictures of Old Uncle Bob-




Hard to see, but Bob is a very big fella.. Which is why the pictures are a little fuzzy- it's a long way back to that rock wall he's playing on. And I wasn't traipsing down to request a close up. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid people.



Poor bears- it's been so very dry, I'm afraid we're going to have an awful lot of very skinny hungry critters come spring. Very little in the way of color either this fall. I expect a lot of crashing of limbs when the ice hits..


Hope you all remembered to set your clocks so you got your extra hour of sleep! Have yourselves a lovely Sunday.

Happy Halloween!

Well, as this is the first year I wasn’t rushing home from the office to deal with getting ready- I must say it was far more pleasant..

Pumpkin disemboweled- check..

Costumes ready- check

Chili and cornbread done- check.

I have no idea why chili and cornbread became the traditional meal for Halloween- probably because I could throw it in the crock pot at 5AM and get home to get them fed, dressed and out the door prior to the sugar high.

The Hurricane is a nasty bloody ghoul –he’s going through that 10 year old boy gross stage. Miss Thing is The Pirate Queen. No wench action or such here- as she put it “I’m the bitch in charge”.. I can live with that.

Me I’m the Mom in the car waiting to get home so she can sit down and have a nice glass of wine..

Y’all have a fun an spooky evening!!!!!

My manifesto-

Cowbell got me to thinking.. She usually does.

So, I stopped to take a little time to examine a few things. Now y’all know (OK- the two of you that read my drivel) that I was indeed raised south of the Mason-Dixon line. My upbringing was full of mixed messages. Sit up straight, act like a lady, you are NOT wearing that Missy! And then there was the “you can do anything you set your mind to” message. And people wonder why I bailed on my Coming Out.. In fairness, the parents did the best they could. The world was changing awfully fast at the time, and to their credit they did try to go with their natural inclinations. But there was an awful lot of ingrained dogma they had to try and let go of.

My Mamma was a tiny little thing, and pretty as a picture, was a state skeet shoot champ and played basketball throughout high school and college. A lot of people never got her. Queen of the Valentine Court one day and practicing her free throws, or toting a gun the next. This was not exactly accepted practice at the time. Daddy was the musician that loved to cook.. go figure..

I stated I have tried to raise my children “gender neutral”.. actually it was more “do what ever makes you happy”. My aim was to give them the option to do whatever their natural inclinations led them to. Seems to have worked out thus far. But I grant you I have beat some old fashioned notions like manners into their heads.

Then I got to thinking about my own particular brand of feminism. Frankly I’m sick and damn tired of the “mommy wars” and the party line. In the seventies when I was reading Gloria and Betty I pretty much got the idea that the entire point was that we were supposed to have choices- finally. I have spent my “mom years” thus far working full time, up until a few months ago. I see both sides of the fence. There are people that downgrade the domestic arts- they’re asshats. There are people that downgrade the working moms- they’re asshats too. It’s all about choice, and often about necessity. Worry about your own life and leave everyone else alone already!

Does the fact that I tend to be a “girly girl”- yes I love my shoes, I am addicted to red lipstick, and love to get dressed up, and I frankly completely enjoy being female- make me a traitor? I think not. And I actually like men, life without them would suck.. I can also do minor electrical work, hang drywall, do general plumbing and I have my own power tools. Which side of the fence does that put me on sisters? I like the work I do, and I'm damn good at it and the fact that I do it "virtually" and not in an actual office doesn't make it any less valuable. I also really like a tidy house and a good meal served at a decent hour..


Should we not be supporting one another?

Such a lovely lunch-

It was a most excellent lunch. And a very happy day. And also a very sad one..

A brilliant meal- beautiful steak and stilton salad, excellent wine pairing as well. Happy chat, big hugs all around. Retired to the back sitting room (we're semi family, as the chef/owners of the favorite place are dear friends) and then started the talking in earnest. I so very much miss ole' Buddyboy. Once in a blue moon, you find that kindred soul that everything just works with.. That's me and the big guy. Many people never got it (ah-screw them, whatever) a rare few did.. The accusations that we'd been separated at birth might not have been that far off. To those of you that refuse to understand that a straight guy and a woman can really be the best of friends, you're morons..

Now I admit the whole having the best job in the universe thing was excellent, no doubt about it. But I'd give damn near anything just to have my best buddy back nearby. You know that one person that always gets you, and requires no explanation, finishes your sentences and always knows what's lurking in your heart- even if you might not have figured it out yet yourself.. Yeah, that's my boy.

So, once upon a time I promised the explanation of the moniker.. I'm a big fan of Robert A. Heinlein. "Time Enough for Love" being a personal favorite. Boss used to joke that I was his Dora- the machine incarnation.. If you haven't read it, it's way too much to explain you'll just have to read the damn book- sorry.. But for those of you that have- he found his Maureen ;) And I was so, so happy for them both! I planned the damn wedding people.. And lucky for us that she always understood our relationship. An amazing woman, he’s a lucky SOB to have her.

So, we stood at the back door and just both tried not to totally break down- just hung on to each other and watched it rain for quite a while. Got the best hug I’ve ever had- and cried all the way home. Not necessarily in a bad way, both happy and sad. Happy for the time together, as always- but sad to miss the just hanging out time together.. I just want my Buddyboy back.

Yes, I really am jut selfish like that.. But it is still good to know that no matter what, my Buddyboy will always be there, no matter how far away he might wander.

I bow to peer pressure..

Actually I think you guys thought I was telling stories.

Yep- purchased in 1979 at some freaky store in the Village, and yes I am pretty sure I was high on something at the time.

I hope you're all happy now? Yes- you Miss Hat.. And Tater Bug- check yer inbox and try not to die laughing!


But the spiked hair really did Pat Benatar it right on outta there.. And yes, I do totally suck at that whole tripod and timer thing, hey photography is just not my thing people.


Gee, I really need to finish getting that damn trim up in that room, huh?

I'm so lazy

I declared today a mental health day. And instead of feeling guilty about the mile long list ‘o crap that needs doing, I’ve allowed myself to realize it flat out ain’t going anywhere. It may be a bad attitude, but it’s the one I’ve currently got- so there.

Woke up to a dreary, rainy day again. YAY! I swear it’s been so dry I actually heard the woods collectively sign in relief when the rain finally set in the other day. It’s cooled off quite a bit, compared to the 85 degrees just a few days ago, so it’s a soup cooking kind of day. So there’s a nice big pot of steak and mushroom soup simmering. I got the jones for Rosemary Olive bread, so there are a couple of loaves rising. Cool, got dinner covered at least.

I am a little put out that the Thursday rerun of Tim Gunn got preempted for that dumb Housewives of OC show.. that would have indeed been the icing on my little lazy cake.

Humm.. messed around with my MacGourmet files and cleaned out some of the clutter there. Tater Bug- if you don’t have it, you gotta get it!

Moving right along- Boss is coming for a little visit tomorrow! it’s been a long while between visits and I really miss the big lug. While we talk and email, and still tend to finish one another’s sentences and all, I just miss hanging out with him. When someone you’re that close to up and moves, I think the hole in your heart never really goes away. But I’m focusing on the happy happy joy joy of seeing my dear friend bit right now- not the damn you why did you have to up and move part. Lunch at our favorite restaurant is going to be about it, as he’s got other commitments- but it’s awfully dear of him to truck all he way out here from NOVA just for lunch with little ole me.

Took the request for photographic evidence that my ass can still get into a dress I purchased in 1979 under advisement- we’ll see. Much like Cowbell and her preference that the ex not show up on her virtual doorstep, my very public private diary is sort of my place to decompress. Not sure I want my friends and family there in truth. It sometimes feel like 98% of my life consists of dealing with other people’s shit (I know, I know- Duh.. you have kids) it’s the one little space that’s all mine, all the time and I don’t have to concern myself with anything other that what I choose to.


But for the moment I’m going to pour a nice glass of wine and go park my butt in the Jacuzzi before the heathens come charging in. Y’all have a lovely afternoon!

So, how have y'all been?

My it’s been a busy few weeks here at Casa de Locos..

The usual mayhem. The ongoing fight with the school board- more on that later.. The never freaking ending renovations- which somehow seem to have landed all in my lap. Baby Sister took a vacation (finally- YAY!) Which meant me taking care of Daddy. And just stuff.

For my loyal readers, both of you- all is well, thanks for emailing. Let’s see.. renovations. As the job hunt accelerated (46 year old mothers of two with experience smell bad or cost too much I’m not sure which) I realize I best get all the odds and ends finished. Damn, that’s a LOT of odds and ends people. I spent the entire damn summer working on this stuff and there’s still a mile long list.

The getting whatever cash I can via the Virtual Assistant route.. well it is money, I just seem to always land the problem children.. I really need to set my rates higher. Have to check with the Hat and get the website thing cranking on a higher level I guess.

Homecoming- girlie drama and shoe trauma, need I say more?

Humm, let’s see.. the annual Dora cuts loose weekend.. The Beast and I do a big Halloween Costume Ball every year and that tends to be the one weekend my reformed solid citizen self gets her freak on.. Yeah, I go for the costume thing big time. And no, I can’t do out of the box, I have to go crazy.. My personal past favorite was the Trinity costume- hey I was hitting the gym big time then and it looked pretty damn good. I was lost for inspiration this year and happened to be doing a closet clean out when I ran across a black leather dress I bought in 1979 (yes you read that right) and said “Pat Benatar!!” Hey what else would a 5’5” chick with really short black hair do with a black leather dress from the late seventies I ask? Lorraine, you’d have totally loved it! Everyone in the house over 35 got it right away.

So, went forth and had big fun- Sunday brunch did require a Bloody Mary, I must confess. Get home and get everyone together and make with the quiet Sunday- which I really needed. I don’t do that party thing much these days, I’m old it takes me time to recover..

Wake up Monday morning at the usual 6:30- look out the kitchen window and see something white strewn about the right side of the yard. Humm.. well still a bit too dark out, and my ass isn’t traipsing down there during bear breakfast time to investigate. Get the kiddos to school and come back to take a look see. Well, the Hurricane had an archery target stashed under his fort and one (or more) of our teenage boy bears decided it would make a fun toy. A 3x3x1 block of solid Styrofoam mauled by a bear over a three acre perimeter makes one hell of a mess.. Ya can’t rake it and picking it up by hand is a bitch, and a leaf blower just tosses it into the woods and I fear for birds and other small critters ingesting it. Let’s just say it took all damn day and my back hurts like hell.


So, how was your weekend?

Come on out-

For all you lovely people on the left coast and in the middle of the country, on 10/27 you have a chance to let the Shrub know you've had enough!

Be there or be square folks.. Who knows, some news media might actually show up this time!

I'm supposed to trust SYSCO to feed them?

In respect to the revolting state of affairs in school lunches-

Congress is currently considering national legislation to improve the nutritional quality of foods and beverages in schools. Please sign the petition below to ask your members of Congress to take junk food out of schools by requiring the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) to update its nutrition standards for foods and beverages offered from vending machines, a la carte in the cafeteria, and in school stores on the whole campus throughout the school day.

USDA’s current school nutrition standards were developed in the 1970’s and are no longer consistent with nutrition science or current concerns regarding children’s nutrition. For example, USDA does not consider candy bars, snack cakes or French fries to be junk foods in schools.

Let's help feed them not only something better, but keep big business from mandating what goes on in our local lunch rooms! My kids pack for a reason, but for some kids this may well be the only thing close to a complete meal they might get in a day.

Now y'all take a minute to go educate yourselves now, and sign the petition while you're in the neighborhood!