Monday, January 21, 2008

A sinking feeling.

Brother #2 has been at it again. The emergency gall bladder surgery right before the holidays was very troublesome indeed. Somehow things don’t seem to be progressing quite the way they ought to.

Aside from a fresh scar to add to his rather impressive assemblage, I fear that the fun and games of the entire bypass drama made no long lasting impression on the man. That or things are just starting to slide downhill, his recalcitrant ways aside.

While not prone to superstition, I have a deep sense of foreboding every time I speak to him and I hear he’s “just not feeling right yet”. Perhaps it’s paranoia. Perhaps knowing we’ve finally come to a place where we can deal with one another as adults, not merely siblings and I fear he’s going to be taken away from me is simply my problem. But a very reckless youth and it’s damage, a stubborn disposition in middle age all seem to be closing in quickly. Perhaps something got lodged in him many years ago, having dodged death in such grandiose fashion how could something as trivial as an internal organ do him in?

I do so hope I’m terribly, terribly wrong. Because I do love his stubborn, hardheaded ass.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

That four letter word.

Let the fun begin! As my dear daughter calls it- “The grand southern ritual of bread and toilet paper”. Yes folks, that nasty four letter word yours truly despises- snow.. A lot of snow coming our way. And since it likes a party it seems to have invited it’s friend sleet along .

Now I really don’t know the rituals involved in other parts of the country in respect to white and icky frozen bits falling from the sky, but around here it sets off a compulsive need in normally sane folks to charge to the grocery store and upon arrival decimate the shelves.. Especially in the bread and toilet paper departments.

Y’all, you will be able to get out tomorrow if you have to! Honest! And since we live in the damn mountains, where it indeed does snow with some regularity, I’d have expected a bit more sense. Worst I ever saw was 6 feet and we were dug out the next day, and if necessary could have made it in to town. Not on your life! The post snow grocery freak out is almost as bad as the pre game festivities.

That said, little ole me did indeed have to go to the damn store this morning. Severe dog food miscalculation on my part, damn! I try my best to avoid driving in the snow for one reason- I always get within the proximity of the guy with a big ass truck that thinks the fact he has four wheel drive makes him 7 feet tall and bullet proof on ice.. And he’s always the jackass that causes the 10-car pile up.

But since the big dog gets pretty cranky when he’s hungry, I decided I would indeed brave the insanity for his growling tummy. Also realizing the boy has no grits and if he doesn’t get grits and cheese in the morning I’ll have both of them giving me the look. I figured around 7:00AM nothing falling yet- this is manageable. What the hell, I was up and dressed anyway.

*Cue Mission Impossible music*

Grab the list off the fridge and haul it on in to town. Parking lot looks sparse- good deal! And the Beast says a grocery list arranged by aisle is anal.. hah! Since I’m there I grab the stuff I’d have gotten anyway, what the hell, why go back this weekend? Coming around the home stretch with my 15 or so items and come to a screeching halt. One register open- ONE. Shit! 10 people queued up already- damn, quick left turn into self-check out, and no line, woo hoo! I should have known it was all going too well.. I had to get the cranky scanner that forces a 10 swipe minimum per item to get it to read. Finally get out of there, toss the movies through the slot at Blockbuster, and away we go..

Within 10 minutes of my arrival home the phone rings. It’s my favorite neighbor. “I’m heading in to town, need anything while I’m there?” Yeah, a ticket to Miami or Rome please..

Monday, January 14, 2008

I think I need to be in time out.

I’ve been in a bit of a vile mood the past few weeks. Winter and I never did get on well, but as I less than gracefully slide into my middle years, it’s gotten worse. The ennui of the past summer is back, and along with it a nasty disposition. I really am a pretty even-tempered person as a rule, but I find myself looking in the mirror wondering who in the hell is that woman looking back at me? Things that would normally merely irritate me are really pissing me off.

Case in point- I received an automated phone call from the high school last week, kindly letting me know the date we have to cough up the cash for Miss Thing’s school ring. I was mildly annoyed. Two hours later I receive a call from the guidance department. Miss Thing came home Friday before last with a handwritten URL for the state Governor’s School and proceeds to say, “Mom, they gave me this and told me I should let them know if we’re interested in applying.” Well yes dear, I looked at the start of school and applications weren’t available yet, please get me the information… Time goes by, no info forthcoming. Therefore last Friday I call and leave a message for the counselor. She calls back. The child’s PSAT scores (they had 10 graders take it this year as a practice run) were one of the highest in the county. OK, so you people can call me to remind me to send a check in for a class ring, but no one thought THIS might actually be fucking important enough to warrant a call? I was not amused.. Deadline for said application was today. Great. Spent the weekend dealing with the application, getting the kid to make with the essay bit and so on and so forth. Draft a note to the nice teachers that I’ll have to politely request to drop whatever else they are doing so letters of recommendation can be done to go with the application by midweek. Sunday after it was all done I snapped. I went off- at myself. Dogs, kids and spouse all scattered, as the times I have actually completely lost it can be counted on one hand- but damn they are memorable.

We live in a very small county and the gifted program is grossly under funded. We made the choice some years back to not push the issue of having her “identified” for multiple reasons. One, there really was no advantage to having the resources used, as she was already in accelerated classes and this process would genuinely do little more than that. Two, I figured if being top of your class, coming up in the 98th percentile of every standard test you’ve administered to her and generally excelling academically since kindergarten wasn’t enough of a clue for you people, well screw you. We’ve paid for all of her outside enrichment programs ourselves and would have anyway. See, my stubborn screw you attitude was the root of this little fiasco. Had she been ‘identified” and on the list, we’d have gotten notification long ago as to deadlines and such. My menopausal Alzheimer’s caused it as well, if you’re going to take a screw you attitude, you’d better be prepared to do your own leg work. Had I any sense I’d have checked back once a week for deadlines and application information. I really think I need to get away for a couple of days- I don’t much care for my own company at the moment. But thanks, I feel a little better since I got that out of my system.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

10 Things-

My dear virtual brother Tater has decided that as long as he was humiliating himself, Hat and I ought to mortify ourselves as well. Gee, thanks dear, now I really know you care.. Well this few minutes of embarrassment is better than the home improvement hell in my basement at the moment, so on with the show!

1) Three Exes I would pretend not to know today:

Joe- because we were both such immature assholes. Dave- stalking is just not cool, why could you not just behave like a normal person? Four dates did not qualify me as your life partner. Tammy (don’t give me that look) who couldn't fathom that love and sex can be two completely different things- in spite of the fact that I was painfully clear on that point.

2) The most scandalous rumor to pass through my high school..

That a certain junior gave birth, and proceeded to stuff the baby in a drawer. Sadly it turned out to be true. Baby died and she went to an asylum for a while.

3) The time I Knew Santa didn’t exist.

I seem to recall I was about 8. Brother #2 told me the cold hard facts and I didn’t want to believe him. That Christmas Eve I saw Daddy hauling a bike out of the back of the station wagon and hiding it in the garage, so I sadly knew he was right.

4) The funniest thing I did in a house of worship.

Does sex count as funny?

5) Best excuse I came up with for being out past curfew.

I dropped a friend off at his house after the basketball game and I got lost on my way home. Hey, a person can get lost for three hours, really! Yeah well, they didn't buy it either.

6) Saturday cartoon character I had a crush on.

Race Bannon in Johnny Quest. I think it was the voice that did me in.

7)Cartoon character I wanted to be.

Never noticed a lot of strong female types other than Wonder Woman, though her accessories do totally rock. . I was more of a comic book type myself- the Marvel collection my parents tossed when I moved out could put both my kids through college AND grad school! I’d have to say either Red Sonja or Medusa from the Inhumans. They both kicked some serious ass.

8)Foods I can no longer stomach.

Never could tolerate beef liver or beets. Sorry, they just taste like dirt, and nasty dirt at that.

9)Tacky pick up line you used that worked.

I was never in the habit of picking up strange men.. I let them do the work.

10)Secret Hangover recipe.

Lots of water before bed. Then in the morning (or afternoon, as the case may be) a very large glass of tomato juice, hash browns and then a Bloody Mary or two.

So now I guess I get to pass the mortification around, hey- misery loves company people. I was going to pick on Red. But since I have to face him in a couple of weeks and I don't want him throwing spider rolls at me, I decided to be charitable. You now owe me a drink dear.. My left coast buddy Sling, having such an interesting life- ought to provide us all with some illuminating answers. That and I am sure he has a secret hangover cure we could all benefit from. And my darling Will, because such a cultured gentleman as himself must have some interesting answers as well.. that and I want to distract him for a wee bit.

Have a swell Saturday my dears, I now need to go face that large hole in the side of my house and try not to cry.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year!

Well- that was a busy week! First chance to take a walk about blogger town and check in on everyone for quite a while now. Looks like you all had yourselves a merry little Christmas, and I hope a safe and fun New Years Eve.

Christmas was lovely, and that draft of holiday traditions here at Casa de Locos sat so long that its pretty much old and useless news, so on to more current affairs. The big day was loads of fun. We did our part to stimulate the economy and the kids were quite happy with their haul. Baby Sister and the Old Fart came over for dinner and it was a pleasant evening for all concerned. Good food, good booze and loot, what more could a girl ask for?

Let’s see, the little darlings got me books and a lovely cashmere sweater. Because we all know I’m a cashmere ‘Ho. The Beast got me a lateral file- don’t laugh, I needed it. I got him a new alternator and a battery- very thoughtful, don’t you think? Nice of the vehicle to get sick right before the holidays.. Our anniversary was quiet, and kid free for a change. 21 years (legally) and we haven’t killed one another yet, so we’ll call that a win for the home team. Note- if anyone ever suggests you get married between Christmas and New Years, tell them no. The lovely and romantic gift for said occasion was French doors for the basement. I was leaning more towards a trip to Mexico or something, but sadly the door in the basement that is leaking and totally screwing up that exterior wall was a little more pressing than me getting sandy and sunburned.

There’s nothing more romantic than spending your anniversary traipsing through Lowe’s. Myself, I’m a stealth shopper- I know what I want; I get it and get the hell out as fast as possible. The Beast has to spend forever and six more hours wandering all over, causing me to spend much precious energy trying to figure out where the hell he got to now.

I have a brilliant idea! Someone needs to make a little homing button than you clip on your partner the moment you enter said cavern of home improvement products, the other partner gets a hand held GPS tracking device- thus enabling said irritated individual to find their partner without walking 6 miles pushing a rather heavy cart. I myself think it’s sheer genius; hell I’d hand over 5 bucks to rent the damn thing!

New Years Eve was quiet, which was pretty much what I was shooting for. So here we are with a brand new shiny year to put my mark on. I don’t make resolutions, as I consider them self defeating prophecies- but I have decided that the coming year I shall expend more effort into looking around and enjoying all the wonderful people and things in my life and make an attempt to quit bitching quite so much. Except about politics..

Well dears, as it is New Years day yours truly must get to preparations for the traditional feast. I’m not really superstitious, but somehow I really do have to make with the traditional meal of greens, black eyes and pork, as somewhere in the recesses of my brain I am sure disaster shall befall the family unit if I don’t. Well that and the fact that I’ve had that particular meal every New Years day for the past 46 years, why screw with tradition?

Peace, love and kind and gentle blessings be upon you and those you love in the coming year.