It's that time of year again folks. The family summer vacay. Don't get me wrong, I really do love them dearly, in spite of the fact that there are days when I contemplate the myriad applications of duct tape. Just shoot me now, OK?
Now y'all know full well this ain't a Ward, June and the kids kinda household... Which often makes for a fair amount of fun. And equally as often makes for severe irritation. I myself am not a big believer in forced fun. Whilst one can and should plan, the kids are at the age that some real flexibility needs to be built into the scenario. Sixteen is just a shitty age, OK? Miss Thing is by and large a delight and always has been, but she's sixteen for crying out loud! There's only so much family togetherness your average teenager is going to tolerate before the big ass 'tude makes it's appearance. The Hurricane is getting too big for his britches here of late, perfectly age appropriate for a nearly 11 year old male child in my opinion. The Beast however isn't quite as understanding.. Let the games begin! Remind me to pack my striped shirt and whistle, OK?
Now my idea of a vacation tends to be one where my lazy ass does as little as possible. Preferably involving a very nice hotel, a spa, a very nice pool and really good resturants. I personally see nothing wrong with this viewpoint. While I am in no way adverse to fun, games and activity- quite frankly I want my sorry ass to be waited on! I wait on other people the other 50 or so weeks out of the year, this to me does not seem to be an unreasonable criteria. I tip extremely well and I am never rude, I figure this balances the karma.
So what has the vote been for this year you ask? Oh let's rent a lake house! Swell! I get to cook, clean and scale fish in another house- fabulous!! Now I realize this is bitchy. I realize I should grant myself lucky to have the luxury of a summer vacation.. I know I'm being selfish. But this is simply not a vacation for yours truly. And I'm sorry but the assurance of "We'll go out for dinner a couple of nights" just isn't cutting it for me. I'm sure there at least has to be a decent day spa within driving distance, right? Oh hell no! Remind me to hit the Beverages Plus store before departing.
So in the interest of family harmony and karmic realignment I vent this nastiness on you fine people so I can get over it. Sorry y'all. And yes, obviously I really am a shallow bitch.
Have a swell weekend, a lovely 4th of July and go forth and be kind to your fellow humans. Carry on..
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10 comments:
Oh you poor thing...I guess this is why my parents never took us kids with them on their summer vacations. Have a great time anyways.
i remember our summer vacations..we'd go to my grandparents and my mother would cook, clean, do laundry and wait on her mother-in-law for 3 weeks...then we would go home and she'd get drunk for 3 weeks...can't say as i blame her..
good luck...take lots of booze..
My parents travelled with a handsome black leather mini bar with a red velvet lining. It held three bottles, a shaker, and stems. We traversed the country with the faithful little booze locker at our side.
It is a reminder that even Ward and June got snockered on holiday.
I have several fine examples in my home- would you like to borrow one?
You know,it's really sad that a woman in this day and age can't enjoy a few precious moments of blissful pamperage while on vacation!..
That reminds me.
Pick me up a T-Shirt,and some colorful postcards during your travels.
And if you could organize a small travel pack of toiletries for me,that would be swell..and a box lunch.
Have fun!
Screw the booze woman, it sounds like you need drugs! Oh dear. I remember my father's idea of a vacation was to go up to the northeast kingdom and we all got to work on my Uncle Gerard's farm.
Better yet, just get a tranquilizer gun. If any of them start acting up, just shoot 'em with a dart.
Have fun, I expect to hear all about it.
Sage- I love them, but..Hello? can a woman not get a little break??
Granny- I don't blame her either!!
Jeff- How sweet of you to offer! I actually have my parent's ;) very helpful thing to pack indeed!
Sling- Sure dear, what size?
Tony- The thought had occurred to me.. If you get a frantic call long about next Friday don't be too shocked.
just ask yourself;
what would clark griswold do?
I am so full of horrified sympathy, I'll have an extra big dose of self indulgence tonight just to get the taste out of my mouth.
The whole point of families is to give you something to get away from. Throw fish into the mix ...
Ick.
HAH! "the big ass 'tude".
Sounds conveniently like 'the big ass turd'.
But at least you've got your fantasticalness to carry you through this adventure. Is it selfish of me to hope that some sort of hilarious mishaps occur for you to blog about upon your return? (reserves spot in hell under: Hat)
You reminded me of a family vacation we took when I was 11. Tent camping through Colorado for three weeks, all six of us crammed into the family station wagon with a farting dog. All of us worked like hell to pack, unpack, set up camp, break down camp. A sister was chronically car sick and wasn't always successful at getting her head out a door when necessity called, we all ended up having the stomach flu while camped at Estes Park, our tent leaked and it rained for four days straight, and at some point my little brother decided that latrines were too gross to use, crapped himself on accident, and then shoved his dirty pants into the bottom of his duffel and left it there for the summer sun to work its magic. My mom should have offed all of us one by one during this three weeks of hell, and she slaved each and every day to make sure we were fed well, clean, and entertained. To this day, I feel she must be a saint. My god, I just don't know how she managed to do it! Did I mention this was probably one of the funnest vacations I ever remember going on? We all still laugh about it to this day. Hope you get to created some fond memories for yourself and your kids, despite the toil and trouble. I will be wishing you well dearheart!
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