Domestic Disorder

So, I had a chat with Baby Sister last night.. Nothing unusual, since we talk most every day. One would think however that I would know by now to never call when I'm hungry. She got started on a fantastic meal she had produced the night before for a private party. These conversations generally end with me thinking I need to run out to the market, cause damn that sounds tasty! I digress..

After the general chitchat, I told her that we had finally ordered a couch. Dead silence..

"Umm, you still there?"

"Yes- You didn't!! You let him get it?"

"Yep, I caved. But I prefer to think of it as a growth moment."

"And how do you make that leap of logic?"

"Sometimes you have to delude yourself dear, keeps me sane."

For two years (yes 2 years) the Beast and I have had an ongoing spat about getting a new couch. I love him dearly, but the man has no taste whatsoever. Except in women, but that didn't develop until he met me of course. He has a fixation on a rather huge "man couch", that I find hideous. When I say huge, I am being quite literal. Freaking enormous, and yes indeed with built in recliners. Give me a second, I'm feeling mildly ill..

I consider myself to be a rational person, while I can be extremely stubborn about some things; I generally try to find a compromise. Personally I think this is the only way to manage 27 years with the same person without committing murder. The hunt for a couch however became my own personal line in the sand. The eldest canine child ate the prior couch during his puppy stage. Not kidding ate the bloody thing. So up from the basement came the old college couch until we could come to some agreement. That was three years ago.. Slipcovers can hide a multitude of ugly- thankfully.

Now I grant you, my taste is a little peculiar to some. Boots terms it "Bauhaus by way of Beijing", actually Kyoto would be closer- but nonetheless she got it pretty much spot on. So while I'm shopping for something mid century in leather, the Beast is perusing "man couches". Yes I am being sexist and I apologize. But let's be honest here, the majority of females are really not going to gravitate to a mega-mother, overstuffed sectional that takes up the entire damn living room and has built in recliners. Just sayin'..

So for two long years the battle has gone on. And on. And on. And then he started fighting dirty.. He enlisted the children to his cause. I may well never forgive Fluffy for turning on me. So for weeks different variations of "Mom, we can all stretch out on it. Mom we can cuddle better." Et tu Hurricane?? Perceiving that the tide had indeed turned, I switched to avoidance. Oh no- the three of them launched an all out assault. With the realization that I was never going to genuinely win this one, I decided to focus my efforts on the least objectionable upholstery fabric that could be agreed upon by all parties. I personally felt I was being quite gracious going that far with it. Thirty swatches and ten days later I decide it's time to have a peace conference.. Everyone picks three swatches, overlapping choices make it into the final running and Mom makes the final decision based on the least esthetically objectionable choice. Two hours and a migraine later, a decision is reached and the leviathan is ordered. Peace descends upon the household, and I resign myself to living with the damn thing.

I hope he likes the Noguchi coffee table I ordered..