Cowbell got me to thinking.. She usually does.
So, I stopped to take a little time to examine a few things. Now y’all know (OK- the two of you that read my drivel) that I was indeed raised south of the Mason-Dixon line. My upbringing was full of mixed messages. Sit up straight, act like a lady, you are NOT wearing that Missy! And then there was the “you can do anything you set your mind to” message. And people wonder why I bailed on my Coming Out.. In fairness, the parents did the best they could. The world was changing awfully fast at the time, and to their credit they did try to go with their natural inclinations. But there was an awful lot of ingrained dogma they had to try and let go of.
My Mamma was a tiny little thing, and pretty as a picture, was a state skeet shoot champ and played basketball throughout high school and college. A lot of people never got her. Queen of the Valentine Court one day and practicing her free throws, or toting a gun the next. This was not exactly accepted practice at the time. Daddy was the musician that loved to cook.. go figure..
I stated I have tried to raise my children “gender neutral”.. actually it was more “do what ever makes you happy”. My aim was to give them the option to do whatever their natural inclinations led them to. Seems to have worked out thus far. But I grant you I have beat some old fashioned notions like manners into their heads.
Then I got to thinking about my own particular brand of feminism. Frankly I’m sick and damn tired of the “mommy wars” and the party line. In the seventies when I was reading Gloria and Betty I pretty much got the idea that the entire point was that we were supposed to have choices- finally. I have spent my “mom years” thus far working full time, up until a few months ago. I see both sides of the fence. There are people that downgrade the domestic arts- they’re asshats. There are people that downgrade the working moms- they’re asshats too. It’s all about choice, and often about necessity. Worry about your own life and leave everyone else alone already!
Does the fact that I tend to be a “girly girl”- yes I love my shoes, I am addicted to red lipstick, and love to get dressed up, and I frankly completely enjoy being female- make me a traitor? I think not. And I actually like men, life without them would suck.. I can also do minor electrical work, hang drywall, do general plumbing and I have my own power tools. Which side of the fence does that put me on sisters? I like the work I do, and I'm damn good at it and the fact that I do it "virtually" and not in an actual office doesn't make it any less valuable. I also really like a tidy house and a good meal served at a decent hour..
Should we not be supporting one another?
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Amen. Amen. Amen. And I'll throw in a "Hallelujah" and a "Preach it".
Amen.
I'm taking that entire last paragraph and having it tattooed on my right arm!
Tell it, girl. Yeah, that post (the toy post) resulted in the longest comments I've ever received, ha! The whole subject is a tender spot for us women.
I friggin' HATE the mommy wars too, and have gotten it from both sides. I had thought that would finally end when I went back to work, but then it came from the other side, where I used to be. I was surprised to find THAT hurt me much more than the other way around. I guess when working moms threw that "just a homemaker" crap at me, my attitude was "fuck it, I KNOW I'm doing something important for my kids, I don't give a rats ass if you approve of my 'career' or lack thereof." But this way ... now it doesn't target my career, it targets me as a mother, which is my life, not something I do for the damn paycheck.
It feels really shitty when other moms make snide comments (or the very well timed raised eybrow and condescending smile) about me not baking brownies for events or not joining the friggin' booster club. It felt shitty from the other side, too, but that at least was individuals being snarky separately. The school-clique moms are a group - like barracudas, ha. It's hurtful. Don't they realize I'd rather be home with the kids, like they are? This shitjob just pays the bills.
We get enough flak from the rest of the world, it would be nice if we didn't dish it out to each other.
I hope that reactions to my post were based on that commonality we all share around that subject - it's a very hurtful and sensitive subject for women across the board. If anything I said was perceived as anti-homemaker, or anti-girl toy, I sincerely apologize, because that certainly was not my intent.
I was hoping to get across that it should be an option for everyone based on invdividuality, not forced on us behind genital status. I don't like the idea of steering kids toward/away from things they enjoy because of their gender, making them feel crappy about themselves. That's all.
Oh, and you're a rockin' mom.
PS - sorry for the long commentary. I wish I had the gift of brevity.
Yes yes yes yes. Mutual support for freedom of personal choice.
Gender neutral upbringing, and not stunting your kid's right to imagination, creativity, and personal choice. How else will they grow up to be the best that they can be? Stunted children grow up to be (republican) dysfunctional adults.
I like your style, your lipstick, and your tough as nails-go get em attitude. You are a treasure, Miss Dora.
Lorraine- and how!
Bat Girl- Just make sure it's in red;)
Cowbell- I live for your nice long comments- for real! I just figure we should focus our energies on patriarchal bullshit and leave one another the hell alone! and yeah- those school mommies can be fucking vicious! Been on the receiving end of that shit for many a year.
And yes- I am quite sure the reactions were indeed a shared commonality, which is why so many people felt compelled to share their views. And thanks *blush* I am trying really hard to raise a couple of viable humans.
Tate- Yer my brother, you're biased. But thank you precious. Mutual support is the point, gay, straight, kids or not- just play nice with each other for crying out loud!!! This is why a Mother needs to be running the show!
That said, it is rather a bitchin' shade of red lipstick, isn't it??
Abso-friggin-lutely! Give me a C, give me a H, give me an O, give me an I, give me a C, give me an E. True equality is freedom of choice.
Haven't been by for a while (sick) and missed some great posts. You know, whatever my husband (and, don't get me wrong, he's a lovely man) does, people think he's a hero. If he works till all hours, he's the hero breadwinner. If he stays home more than some a lot of men, he's an AMAZING dad. just for putting the kids to bed. But for us females, we're damned if we do and damed if we don't. Sucks.
I sure do wish that we all - but especially other women facing the tough, life-forming (or deforming) choices of everyday with kids- could get off those high horses and give each other the gift of understanding that we're all trying to do the best we can for ourselves and our kids.
There. I've vented now. can get back to life.
Kimberly Ann- There you have the entire thing in a nutshell!
Elizabeth- I know exactly what you mean! Love him to death, but hello I do this shit every damn day, and have for the past 15 years..
yes, we should. why is that so hard? i think it's based in an insecurity re our own choices. i have to be validated in my choice by others if i'm not sure i'm doing the right thing. if i'm confident and secure in the decisions i'm making and the way i'm living my life, i couldn't give a rip what anyone else is doing or whether they approve of me.
we live in a society that encourages us toward sameness. for free spirits, that sucks.
the greatest thing is freedom of choice. and that's what the entire women's movement is about.
Worry about your own life and leave everyone else alone already!
precisely.
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