Well this week is starting quite badly. Not that y’all care, but I have to whine to someone after all..
Let’s see, the Beast was ill and passed it on to me. I don’t get sick often, so I really try and overachieve when I do. This my dears is gonna turn ugly- mark my words. Let’s see- fever? Check. Elephant jumping up and down on my chest? Check. Ice pick sensation in the ears? Right. OK, on with the show. And the best part, the Beast is now out of town on business- oh joy. But then again, I do tend to be a leave me alone sort when ill, and the whole nurturing thing really isn’t his bag. The kids however will take care of me, once I pick them up from school that is.. They tend to get mildly freaked when Mom is sick and bless them, do tend to be very sweet.
So since I know it’s about to seriously hit the fan I tried to get some work done today. Hasn’t worked out too well, but hey, I tried.
Yesterday when the hacking and snorting started, guess who showed back up on the doorstep? Yep, the lost children returned. That was a short, but peaceful 24 hours. In theory they were coming back to pick up their stuff. The supposed friend's basement they were to be moving into suddenly wasn’t going to be available for a few weeks as the other folks were having trouble moving out.. Uh, huh.. Well normally I’d have given such a statement some credence. At this point-umm, no. Not buying it. The Hurricane is missing a chunk of cash, my phone bill is going to give me a stroke next month, I guarantee you, and I saw not one single proactive effort to rectify the situation in respect to getting their shit together. Looking at rental properties that take up 95% of the sole working person’s monthly take home whilst the other partner made no effort whatsoever to find gainful employ does not strike me as proactive, productive or even realistic in any way…
So I (meaning we) did the hardest thing I’d ever had to do to another person. I said no. Sorry. Not going to do any more. You’re not family, we’re not even close friends and we have extended ourselves as far as we’re willing and more than we’re capable of managing- you need a qualified social worker to sort this out. Here are the numbers (again) for all the transitional housing programs and shelters in a 60 mile radius.
Yes, I knew full well they’d be sleeping in a car and I did it anyway. And I feel like total shit about it. I mean seriously uncomfortable with myself.. But I know in my bones this is the only way they are going to get any sort of motivation to face and deal with the situation. But I still feel like crap about it either way. And I am in no way trying to make “holier than thou”- but seriously if my kids were facing such a situation Miss Dora would be working 14th Street in a mini skirt in the snow, checking at the 7-11 and two other jobs, if that’s what it took to take care of my kids…
And the ironic thing is, had we really seen genuine effort to get their act together, they’d still be here and they just don’t get that. I’m just a heartless self- centered bitch. Oh well, so be it. This heartless bitch has a family of her own to worry about.
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13 comments:
You are a hero. Seriously. You did something that was right for your family and right for them, whether they know it or not. You rock. Don't feel guilty. I know, easier said than done.
Airborne works wonders, even if you're already sick. Just sayin'.
It doesn't work on guilt, unfortunately. Altho' I stand with Kimberly; you did the right thing. That, and ... sometimes doing the right thing still feels shitty.
(and Pssst! send me your e-mail address; I have something I'd love to send you ...)
like heinlein says: don't handicap someone else's kid by making their lives easy.
or maybe it's your own kids, same deal.
KA- Not so much, trying to do the right thing doesn't make me a hero, just a human.. and yeah, easier said.. I feel pretty vile honestly, even though I know it was the only thing to do.
Red- At this point I'll give anything a try! Need to be healthy by mid month- yes? Yeah, it really was the right thing- I know it, but it does indeed still feel shitty..
Rube- yep, your own kids, and I try really damn hard not to. I plan on a pair of fully functional beings by the time we're done with them. See, I knew there was something I really liked about you ;) Whenever I'm really sick (that once annual event) I reread Time Enough For Love- guess I best crawl into bed with it now.
if my kids were facing such a situation Miss Dora would be working 14th Street in a mini skirt in the snow, checking at the 7-11 and two other jobs, if that’s what it took to take care of my kids… A-friggin-MEN! That's what been thinking from jump street; I'm sorry, but the possibility of my kids living in a CAR would highly motivate me to get my ass in gear! I can understand you feeling bad, but you know in your head what's right, even if it feels crappy. They're parents. THey know what's at stake. If they're still slacking, that's a bigger problem than you can fix. Damn.
CB- Therein lies the reason we finally had to draw the line.. Nothing we said or did seemed to genuinely impress the gravity of the situation- or their culpability in the matter. Some things are universal, and doing anything and everything necessary to care for your kids is one of them. Answers just don't fall out of the sky and into your lap, unless your name is Newton, and then only rarely..
Truthfully, if we could have just kept the kids, we would have- they didn't have anything to do with their parent's stupidity. For them I feel genuinely awful, and have lost much sleep, but you're right- this is way more than we're equipped to fix.
Hey! Come here ... {{{ hugs }}}
We all do things we regret later on. Don't beat yourself up over it. You can make amends later if you'd like. Beating yourself up over it will just make it worse. Believe me. I have TOO MUCH experience in these matters.
You know my take on this situation, and I am SO applauding you right now! Can you hear it? Sounds like this:
CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!
You did well when you extended yourself, and are doing even greater work by refusing to enable, and allowing them to hit bottom and work at improving themselves with motivation. They stole from your son??? I am now very concerned. Hubby is away for how long, and do you have a means of home protection if these cretins decide to try and take a bunch of other stuff that doesn't belong to them? The guilt needs to stop yesterday. You can and should hold your head high, knowing you tried to make a difference.
Exactly! Personal boundaries does not equal bitch. Being an enabler is not a good color on anyone. (adjusts wardrobe...hmmmm) Hi! I'm a black pot! Also, sniffle, hope you feel better soon.
I think you know by now that you did all you could. And I said it last week I'll say it again: if that's bitch then we need a few more bitches in this world.
Now its time to take care of yourself. Get well soon.
Not going to kiss you - it could be contagious but... oh what the hell who gives a f..k let me give you a hug!
Oh honey, I'm sorry. it sucks when you extend yourself and just get crap for it. You did a beautiful thing, and you did it for as long as you could. You taught your kids about generosity and caring for others by reaching out. Then you taught them about setting healthy boundaries, by saying enough. Neither decision was easy. Both were right. I'd feel the same way about the kids. But you did what you could. Take it easy now, and go easy on yourself. You did good.
So sorry you're not well and that the "social work" situation hit on top of that. But dammit girlfriend, y'all did everything you could.
Tough love, baby...those people have been enabled all their lives. I'm not going to judge and say it's how they got in this mess in the first place (though it probably is) but for sure their inability to accept responsibility and do what needs be done is a classic indication.
Thus and so you, having done more than most would have, did the right thing in saying "no".
Cold-hearted? Hardly.
Please feel better. I need your email, too, Dora, as I also have something to send you...
Dan- thanks! I needed that hug!
Tate- I can't PROVE a thing. I just know that in my general experience inanimate objects rarely grow legs and walk away.. and evidence to the contrary, I am usually a very logical person. Don't worry sweetie, in addition to a very big and protective dog, I have other resources..
Hat- very true, I need to get back to wearing red instead! I actually sorta of feel borderline human today! Finally!!!
Wills- I wouldn't want to get you sick, but if I make with the Purell and turn my head, I'll take that hug!
Elizabeth- That's the entire thing in a nutshell, plain and simple.
Lorraine- After careful thought, it really did seem to be the only way, unpleasant as it was.
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