The Mother and Child Reunion.

The Mother and child relationship is frequently fraught with many a complication that simply doesn’t fit on your standard greeting card. Mother’s Day tends to bring up a lot of emotion, some good, some bad. For those that have a rocky relationship with their mother, it’s perhaps a time to try and step back and appreciate that she did the best she could under the circumstances. For those with an untenable relationship, a sad day wishing for a connection they might never have. For those that have lost a mother, it can be a day of both sadness and happy memories. I vote you go with the happy personally.

My relationship with Mamma was one of huge ups, and equally huge downs. The gory bits of which I shan’t get into for one simple reason- many years ago I made my peace with her and realized she did the best she could with what she had to work with. And all things considered, she really was a good mother, and in spite of my contrary nature and the fact that the universe conspired to rain undue amounts of ill fortune on her head- she loved us all, really and truly and gave it her best shot.

I like to think that trying to recall the good parts, as opposed to the ones that hurt me or made me angry isn’t denial. It happens to be my acceptance that life sometimes is wonderful and sometimes it just flat out sucks.. And sometimes, shit just happens and there’s nothing you can do about it. So for this Mother’s Day, I choose to remember the happy moments, and the things I really loved about her that made the unpleasant bits easier to dismiss as an adult.

Mamma was raised in a time and place that was a bit peculiar. She was to be polite, ladylike, marry well and be a perfect lady.. Yet her family tree was heavily littered with that near stereotype of southern woman that pulled a Scarlett and did whatever the hell she wanted..

She played sports, she went to real college, as opposed to a “school for young ladies”, she married for love, owned a business, modeled when it wasn’t something proper married women did, but did it all with such style that she was still “socially acceptable”. But I think she gave up a lot when she married Daddy, and even more when she had the four of us.

She was a piece of work, plain and simple. Watching her work the dining room was an education- she would swan into the room and you couldn't help but look. No denying she really was a genuinely beautiful woman, but it was more than that, when she turned it on there was a charisma that simply couldn't be denied. It was her element, every guest that walked into their restaurant would be subject to her personal attention, plumber or First Lady, it did not matter. Her staff both loved and feared her truthfully. She had a very discreet series of gestures for summoning and if you missed it, woe be unto you later.. trust me- I was on the tail end of that more than once.

But I think one of my favorite memories has to be when I was in junior high school- it was career day. Everyone else had their Dad come in. In strolls Mamma in this fabulous Pucci print dress and scarf with these huge Jackie shades. The entire class just sort of went “Huh?” She proceeded to explain the joys of killing yourself by being in the restaurant business for about five minutes. Then she launches into a lovely lecture about finding what really makes you happy. I totally had the coolest Mom in junior high school that day..

I think one of the hardest things for her to reconcile was being taken seriously. The most often heard comment at her funeral was “She was the most beautiful woman I ever knew”. Hey, she totally worked it, and she sure as hell used it to her advantage. Ok, it is what it is. But she was a beautiful woman that was also really smart, and very kind and she had about the most generous heart a human has the capacity to expand to. And I often wonder if her life might have been terribly different had she not been the beauty of the family. I always found it ironic that her sister wondered as well.. After mamma died her sister said to me “You know, I really think that if she’d have been a little plainer, her life would have taken a very different path “ I expect there's a lot of truth in that.

Perfect? No. Mother of the year? Probably not. But Mamma, you tried your best, you were a hell of a lot of fun during the good times, and you did always apologize, after a fashion, for the bad ones, and you had phenomenal taste and being your size was always a good thing!

As my dear friend Buddy likes to say “you roll the dice, you take your chances- and then you walk away.”

Or the one saying I always come up with that irritates the hell out of my kids "Sometimes it really just is what it is"