It has been said more than once that physically I am a carbon copy of my Mamma, but I am my Daddy's daughter.. True enough. After unloading the baggage and trying to have a genuine relationship with the man, I realize that with water, bridges etcetera, we can only find some middle ground and truthfully will probably never come to genuine understanding, and certainly no thunderous moment of revelation on his part in respect to past and present. But if nothing else I know he loves me as much as he is capable of, and as a parent he did what he could with what he had. Baby Sister's theory is that might be why I tend to try and be Wonder Mom sometimes. Perhaps yes, perhaps I just really dig my kids and love watching them turn into viable competent, compassionate, fully functioning adult humans.. That's my story and I'm sticking with it. Personally I think we won the big genetic lotto in that department and I'm pretty well eternally grateful.. random chance won out here totally, and I am in no way looking that gift horse in the mouth.
Either way I have a little time to finish mending the remaining fences and I plan on trying to do exactly that. Mamma went out of the blue, and there was much left unsaid. I don't care to have a repeat performance. His love of music made me sing. His love of architecture and graphic design gave me a pretty damn good critical eye, his love of food and wine gave me an appreciation of a much wider world than a girl from a small town would normally have (pre-internet) and his very liberal political views gave me a window on compassion and a hope for the way the world could be if we just got our collective shit together as a species.. So the total asshole parts I'm just letting go, plain and simple.
So, Tony stick the pencils in you ears.. or just look up the lyrics- For everyone else, this pretty well sums it up in a nutshell.
Have a swell weekend darlings, I'm going to feed the family unit and go see the Old Fart..
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10 comments:
There are so many reasons why this resonates with me right now, Cuz, but for now suffice to say, thank you for writing this.
Also, since I was the first to comment I would like some pie.
Speaking for fathers everywhere,and I do so only because,..well,..we're all guilty of every child rearing misdemeanor under the sun,I'm compelled to say that if we can only leave our children with one immutable lesson,it's that we're counting on you to transform whatever hardships our influence may have inflicted,into the strength of character it takes to face the challenges that life presents.
I'd wager that your dad is as proud of you,as I am of my own.
'Nuff said.
go...Go...GO!
Make the best peace you can- this is a gift. Use it well.
Family is a mixed blessing, the good and the less so, but you would not be who you are without his contribution.
You are doing a good thing.
I have reached a sort of peace with my father that I am holding on to even as his wife refuses to let me have any contact with him. It's good to mend fences if you can.
Great post. Your heart is closely entwined in this one, and it shows.
"But if nothing else I know he loves me as much as he is capable of, and as a parent he did what he could with what he had. "
You know I think those things are often so very underrated. For the simple fact that not everyone, and I'd even say not most people, have the experience of parents who engaged the way that passage describes.
Judging by the only thing I can hold a yardstick to, yourself, your father should be very proud of the role he had in creating the woman you are. I'm grateful.
Lorraine- All I have at the moment is pecan dear, you want something else you'll have to wait a bit.
Sling- I guess that's pretty much the way it's always worked since time immemorial.
Jeff- I'm trying my best, really I am.
Citizen- You're in a awful position there, but since you didn't create it I guess all you can do is live with it.. Sorry!!
Al- I guess all any of us can do is give it a shot in the most genuine way we're capable of. If nothing else I learned a lot from his mistakes. Which truthfully has great value if one can actually take stock of them in a non emotional way, since a lot of his mistakes we all paid for in one way or another.
I doubt I will ever like my father and he will never like me for what I am. But it is no worries for me.
Great video
Well. That was a big surprise. Made me tear up. Who'd have guessed you could have blogging therapy sessions?
I don't really know what I think about mending fences. On the other hand, I really AM on the side of forgiveness. I don't think they're the same thing.
But ... who cares? If it feels good and it feels right, that's about all that counts.
This is, I think, the definition of being a grown up. Good for you and good luck.
PS - I owed you a Kennedy dress story and finally paid up.
By which I mean I finally wrote it up and it's on my blog. Come on over.
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