Sunday, October 05, 2008

Of all medical oxymorons..

I’ve always found “actively dying” to be the most peculiar, I do suppose it’s apt after a fashion however, as the body is actively trying to get it over and done with.

Daddy is in the last lap. Thankfully after pitching a fit, he’s comfortable and on enough morphine that he prayerfully doesn’t feel a thing. While I’m sad he’s sliding into that morphine induced comatose state for my brother’s sakes- I refuse to allow this to be painful for him, he’s had enough pain the past few years. While I have some small amount of guilt for being his own personal PCA (as Buddyboy aptly put it) I did tell them 4 days ago to get the hell up here if they had anything to say to him- the fact that they waited till now isn’t my fault. As both of them know I don't kid about that sort of thing and I surely don't make pronouncements of that nature unless I'm pretty damn sure I'm right..

My little break for my head is nearly over, and I have to go back to being the family pragmatist (bitch) and make with more phone calls and arrangements and such before I head back to the hospital.

Be well my dears, and call someone you love today just for the hell of it.

5 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Honey, I'm so sorry. There's not much more to say than that. My father's death upended the whole world for me. It's hard to be the one in charge because you don't get to fall apart. Till much much later. Be as easy on yourself as you can be. I'll be thinking of you.

Gavin said...

Hang in there. I have a feeling that if his mind needs morphine to copy, his body is ready to go.

I wish I had some words of wisdom to make it all better but I don't think they exist.

Just acknowledge your feelings and give yourself grace to feel them.

evilganome said...

You take care of yourself, darlin'. You know who to call if you need to bitch or otherwise get it out of your system.

It's a good thing for your dad that he has you around to do the right thing.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry - that's a tough one.

Doralong said...

Elizabeth- You know how it goes.. I don't have that luxury at the moment, I'll wait till it's all over and lose it.

Gavin- It's past time truthfully.

Tony- I can only try, whether anyone else understands it or not.

Citizen- Guess it's a part of life, just one of the more unpleasant ones.