It’s been a really crazy few days, to say the least. In spite of my hard line intentions, we gave the lost children one more week.. As my grandmother used to say “You can’t teach common sense.” How very true.
Well, best intentions, yada, yada, yada… It’s just painfully obvious that nothing has gotten through- nothing. But they have secured a place to stay as of this coming weekend, so at least I don’t have to feel guilty about that. The problems are just way larger than our capacity to fix. And fixing a problem generally also requires effort, and I’m sad to say I really am seeing none. And the fact that I caught major attitude for asking if there was a departure plan, as the agreement had been they were to be vacating as of Sunday past- you could say I am just done to death with the entire thing. Gratitude I don’t require, civility- why yes, I actually do!
But I can’t help but feel like I’m being an awful person. I want my house back to normal. I no longer wish to cook and clean for a party of eight, thank you very much. My children are pretty well over the 2 and 3 year olds trashing the house and causing a rukus, as am I frankly. I want my space back.. I have work I need to complete, deadlines on the horizon and my clients don’t care if I’m having issues at the moment.
Yeah, I guess I am being a bitch. Well, so be it, I did try, I really did…
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19 comments:
Full credit for trying. Your grandmother was right though about common sense. Sorry the experiment was so less than satisfying, but as my grandmother used to say, you should never regret a good act.
Thank you dear, that is comforting. I have no regrets (my gramma said the same thing) but I do wish that the situation had ended happily. But then again I expected I was just being too hopeful, or too confident in my ability to fix things..
But I still feel rather selfish for wanting my life back in order..
pft. If that's your idea of being a bitch than I must be the all mighty queen. You don't give attitude to the person who is helping you. HELLO?! I would have given the boot right then and there. Hi! I'm the queen of the bitches!
Word Verify: oiygtv
Are you filming this for a reality show?
You have the patience of Job, my dear, and have simply reached your tolerance threshold. You tried, they haven't, end of story. The reason they are where they are, has to do with massive amounts of dysfunction (from your telling of it), which is something they have to hit bottom with. I know there are children involved, and I know it is heartbreaking, but you can't fix this. Social Services is better qualified, even though they often let people fall between the cracks. The people seem to be blamers, in that they fail to take responsibility for themselves, point the finger at other causes, all the while taking advantage of people who wish them well, and not working for change. Not much any one can do in this situation. I used to have some things in common with these folks when I was drinker/addict. I had to reach my own hell before I was truly ready to seek and accept help. It is amazing how quickly life can turn around when you grow tired of being sick and tired. You done good, now cut em loose!
Hat- no, actually I am the Queen.. it's just usually when it comes to business-
I really should have had the camera going- I'm sure I could have sold it to someone!
Tater Bug- Have I told you this week how much I love you?
Let me get this straight.
They needed a helping hand.
You offered to help out for a mutually agreed upon amount of time.
They chose to kick back in air conditioned comfort,without any effort to help themselves..
You are not a bitch...
Lady if that is what bitches are like we need a few more bitches in this world.
You and your family did as much as you could to give support - in fact more.
Hat is right - you don't give attitude to the people helping you. And Tater's comment rings very, very true.
You and yours did what you could - time for them to move on and your life to go back to normal.
Hugs to every darn one of you.
It would appear that their circumstance was not a random unfortunate event, but instead a fairly predictable one for the way they choose to live their lives.
A reckless speeding train does tend to crash.
There's probably a 1% chance that you could have affected any change in them, but you deserve a gold star for trying. I feel sorry for the children.
You are not being bitchy, far from it. Those people are in their mess by their own doing. Nothing is gonna fix that until they wise up.
No way you are selfish or bitchy or any of those other things. Expecting civility? Hardly outrageous. Actually, gratitude might have been nice, too, even if you didn't expect it.
Point is, you earned your karma points regardless and you can be peaceful in the thought that you did the right thing even if it didn't seem to have any effect. Besides, you never know when your generosity and wisdom will bear fruit. Sometimes it happens like that.
Sling- yep, that more or less covers it actually..
Will- Higs & kisses back :)
Jeff- And there you have it. I worry very much about those children, really I do- as they were pretty much the reason we got into this to begin with.
KA- Very true. Sad, but true.
Lorraine- Who knows, perhaps one day the light bulb will come on- I really hope so for the sake of the kids.
Right back atcha lady. In spades.
I have come to the point where I am (or try to be) satisfied with my effort, not the results based on someone else's response to my efforts. I go out of my way to help people. It is what I do. If they can't work with that, it isn't my responsibility.
Smile. You did the right thing, both in taking them in and in moving them along (and out of your personal space!).
Oh, now I get it (see my comment on top post). Darling Doralong, I am in your situation. I opened my house to two individuals who sorely needed help. These young Sudanese men had no other place to go. After checking me and my situation out, Catholic Charities placed them with me.
Three years later I realize that these two 20-something men will be with me for life. They truly have no family support, no money, and no way to afford a place of their own. I am constantly struggling with my mixed emotions of being proud of helping them versus wanting more privacy (and asking them to move.) I have had people tell me to order them to leave after I express frustration at their lack of help with and empathy for the dog. But then if I kicked them out, how would I live with myself, knowing they would have to sleep on someone's floor?
So, I have learned to deal with the situation and my guilt. But it ain't easy!! Don't let anyone tell you that it is. And, no, you are not a bitch. Your emotions are entirely understandable. Life is tough enough without you feeling guilty for wanting your life back in order...take it from someone who knows.
Signed, still dealing with the situation
Java- Very good point, and you're right! And with a little help, I got to that place last night..
Ms. Place- Dang, I have no right to be whining! You're destined for saint hood girl!!! Somehow I think dealing with people that have gone through war and genocide would be easier to reconcile than plain damn stupid. You are amazing! Not that I didn't always think so-
Oh, Doralong, I am no saint, but thank you for thinking highly of my actions. I think you took the more difficult road. The family you helped were in dire straits because of (what it sounds like) poor life skills. My Lost Boys are in their situation because of political reasons. They are tender fellows, irretrievably harmed by their past, but brave and courageous. It was easy to open up my home to them. I just didn't think about the long-term consequences when I invited them in.
I can understand you feeling bad about the situation, and about ending it -- any decent person would. But that's your heart. Your head knows that you did a good thing, and there has to be some effort on the receiving end as well.
As a parent, I can't imagine they wouldn't be busting their asses to fix things for those kids. That would scare the bejeezus out of me, knowing my kids were at risk if I didn't get off my ass. If that knowledge as a parent hasn't gotten them off their asses ... not you can do, girl.
oops, that was "not MUCH you can do,"
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