Under the heading of -WHY?-

What is it with this administration that it is so hell bent on destruction? Here at home as well as abroad. Not only is this another example of being plain not right, but it begs the question WHY?? Is this screwing up Cheney's Elk hunting or something? I really don't get it- this reasoning is the same they more or less used to start slaughtering wild bison because of less than a hundred cattle that got in their way.. I thought perhaps I was missing the big picture, so I asked a friend who happens to be a third generation rancher in Montana. We'll he's pretty sick about it actually, but I grant you tends to be a live and let live kind of guy.. I'm sorry I just can't fathom this shit at all. Read it and if you can give me an explanation, please do, because I really must be missing something in this somewhere.

The restoration of the gray wolf in the Northern Rockies is one of America's greatest environmental success stories. Wolves were reintroduced to Yellowstone and the central Idaho wilderness in 1995 after being exterminated by settlers, trappers and the federal government. Since then, these new populations have increased to 1,500 or so animals. Wolves play a crucial role in the ecosystems of the Northern Rockies, helping to preserve riparian forests and maintain healthy populations of raptors and coyotes. They are also a boon to the region's economy, generating tens of millions of dollars in tourist revenue each year.

But Rocky Mountain wolves are now in grave danger. In March 2008, the Bush Administration stripped gray wolves in Greater Yellowstone and across the Northern Rockies of endangered species protection. Earlier in the year, the administration issued a new rule allowing the slaughter of hundreds of these wolves. Entire packs of wolves could be gunned down from airplanes in minutes. In fact, the federal government has already spent our tax dollars to buy two planes for the purpose of aerial gunning.

Both Idaho and Wyoming have made it clear that they intend to take their wolf populations down to minimum levels. In Idaho, the governor himself boasted, "I'm prepared to bid for that first ticket to shoot a wolf myself." The Bush Administration's new rule would allow Idaho to realize its dream of killing every last wolf -- 60 in all -- in the Clearwater River wilderness region. Ultimately, the state wants to kill up to 85 percent of its approximately 780 wolves. Under this cruel plan, even wolf pups could be killed.

Wyoming's plans are equally brutal. The state classifies wolves as "predatory animals" in most of the state. As predators, wolves could be shot on sight anywhere by anyone at anytime. In the 80 percent of Wyoming outside the Yellowstone area, wolves will now be killed in unlimited numbers -- with no licenses or permits required.
By authorizing these wolf killing plans, the Bush Administration is catering to the hunting community, which wants the ease of hunting elk in the same places and in the same numbers that they've grown accustomed to. Yet, elk populations are at all-time highs across the Northern Rockies and above objectives in all three states. In fact, the game and fish agencies in the region are taking steps to reduce their elk herds.

Wolves are being targeted because of a few cases where elk herds have declined. But these declines have been caused by many factors, including drought, shrinking habitat and human hunters -- not just wolves. Under the Bush Administration's plan, wolves alone will be blamed for any and all declines in a few elk populations. And that will be grounds enough for shooting and trapping hundreds of wolves across two states. Wolves will be killed for doing what they are supposed to do: maintain a healthy ecosystem by preying on elk.

Instead of killing wolves, Wyoming and Idaho should be redoubling their efforts to protect them in the face of mounting development and other habitat destruction. The Bush Administration should protect wolves under the Endangered Species Act until the states have plans in place to ensure that wolf populations will flourish in the future. They should make certain that connections are maintained between the three populations in the Northern Rockies so that these populations remain genetically healthy. These ecological bridges are increasingly important as rural sprawl and industrial development continue to fragment wolf habitat throughout the region.

This is just really, really fucked up.

Because I love her..

And also for a very dear and loving friend of mine that makes all burdens easier to bear just knowing you're out there.



And additionally I have always wanted to know what moisturizer she uses.. I'm convinced there's a portrait stuffed in an attic somewhere.

Home again, home again..

I managed to do no grave physical damage nor apply duct tape in creative ways to any family member, are you not proud of me?

First off, I do genuinely love them- however in my mind there can indeed be such a thing as too much togetherness.. So I tend to try and make sure we all get a little alone time somewhere in the course of any trip. I could have used a wee bit more truthfully..

Knowing full well that this bastion of north woods tacky offended my sensibilities, The Beast further realized, upon entry to said hotel, this was akin to taking a day off from your kids and choosing to go to Chuck E Cheese for lunch- He tried to make amends as best he could, which was duly noted and appreciated. The spa was not bad, I wouldn’t make a day trip to get there, but all in all more than adequate. As the area is also the land of major outlets, I did do some power shopping. This nearly made up for hundreds of small screaming children in an indoor water park. Which I have to admit, was pretty darn well done for a self contained attraction.. And as the weather sucked, it turned into a good thing, as the Hurricane would have been bored out of his skull.. However, the lad seemed to not understand that there’s only so much time an adult human is going to spend immersed in chlorine going down water slides and thus got a bit of an attitude when I drew the line at around 4 hours.. but thankfully I wasn’t forced to jerk a knot in him, so it all worked out.

Well the night before departure the boys were a bit cranky and had no desire to go out for dinner, so I ordered a pizza and abandoned them to take Miss Thing out for dinner. It was genuinely delightful. Fabulous meal, exceptional service and the chef was absolutely adorable and plied us with a lovely lagniappe in the form of a few small plates. Most satisfactory, all the way around. But truthfully it was fun spending time with my girl. She loved our spa time together, but she really seemed to get a kick out of having me to herself for a very adult meal. She’s growing up so fast, it was nice to be able to sit and appreciate her as a teenager for a little bit, a mature teen I grant you, but still possessed of those few fun things that make them enjoyable at that age- when you are graced with one of their non butthead moments, grab them!

Now to go forth and tackle Mt. Washmore and get things back to what passes for normal around here.. How the hell can four people generate that much laundry?

Only in my world..

Heading out for our interrupted vacation here in a bit- I'll tell you the entire tale later, but the reader's digest condensed version is as follows:

The lake house was rented last week by a pack 'o Bubbas. The Bubbas decided to do a fish fry the last night they had the rental. The Bubbas proceeded to catch the kitchen on fire (yes, really). Couldn't check in as planned, thankfully the nice owner called before we had hit the road.

So, no lake house.. The Beast took matters in his own hands and made reservations at a resort in Williamsburg. I was OK with this, there are some pretty swanky resorts down that way. Oh hell no, he booked us into The Great Wolf Lodge. Mickey Mouse mated with a she wolf from Alaska and they spat this chain of "family friendly" resorts out.. Great, screaming munchkins en masse running about, with an indoor waterpark and ghastly decor to boot. At least there's a full service bar and a spa.

I'll tell you all the no doubt interesting details upon my return. And if you see something on CNN about a murder/suicide in those parts, you'll know the true story.

Have a swell holiday my dears!

Goddess save me..

It's that time of year again folks. The family summer vacay. Don't get me wrong, I really do love them dearly, in spite of the fact that there are days when I contemplate the myriad applications of duct tape. Just shoot me now, OK?

Now y'all know full well this ain't a Ward, June and the kids kinda household... Which often makes for a fair amount of fun. And equally as often makes for severe irritation. I myself am not a big believer in forced fun. Whilst one can and should plan, the kids are at the age that some real flexibility needs to be built into the scenario. Sixteen is just a shitty age, OK? Miss Thing is by and large a delight and always has been, but she's sixteen for crying out loud! There's only so much family togetherness your average teenager is going to tolerate before the big ass 'tude makes it's appearance. The Hurricane is getting too big for his britches here of late, perfectly age appropriate for a nearly 11 year old male child in my opinion. The Beast however isn't quite as understanding.. Let the games begin! Remind me to pack my striped shirt and whistle, OK?

Now my idea of a vacation tends to be one where my lazy ass does as little as possible. Preferably involving a very nice hotel, a spa, a very nice pool and really good resturants. I personally see nothing wrong with this viewpoint. While I am in no way adverse to fun, games and activity- quite frankly I want my sorry ass to be waited on! I wait on other people the other 50 or so weeks out of the year, this to me does not seem to be an unreasonable criteria. I tip extremely well and I am never rude, I figure this balances the karma.

So what has the vote been for this year you ask? Oh let's rent a lake house! Swell! I get to cook, clean and scale fish in another house- fabulous!! Now I realize this is bitchy. I realize I should grant myself lucky to have the luxury of a summer vacation.. I know I'm being selfish. But this is simply not a vacation for yours truly. And I'm sorry but the assurance of "We'll go out for dinner a couple of nights" just isn't cutting it for me. I'm sure there at least has to be a decent day spa within driving distance, right? Oh hell no! Remind me to hit the Beverages Plus store before departing.

So in the interest of family harmony and karmic realignment I vent this nastiness on you fine people so I can get over it. Sorry y'all. And yes, obviously I really am a shallow bitch.

Have a swell weekend, a lovely 4th of July and go forth and be kind to your fellow humans. Carry on..

Well imagine that!

I've been babbling into the ether for an entire year now.. It's been an interesting year in many ways. I've learned a bit about myself, I've made some wonderful new friends along the way, and I managed to bore you fine people into insensibility for twelve whole months..

Thank you all for your support, the laughs and the friendship! Get out there and enjoy the solstice folks..

Farewell-

My inspiration to dance at a very young age, the incomparable and amazing Cyd Charisse.. She had a physicality that few female dancers of that era possessed. She could hold her own with Kelley and Astaire with the table trick and jumps and props- but had that classic elegance and technique that made her absolutely mesmerizing.. That and I love a fellow brunette with an attitude.

May she rest in peace.

Busy, busy, busy..

I have been properly chastised for not at least trying to pop in on a more regular basis around these parts. Things have been just bat shit crazy the past couple of weeks. The end of school was the usual rush of multiple functions, final exam stress spillover and other fun bits. I'm trying to get Daddy's 80th birthday party pulled together. You try pulling one of those off in a rehab facility..OY!! My advice? Don't. What a pain in the ass. You'd think birthdays were some sort of foreign concept to these people or something.

And, as a few of you know, I finally got a job! Why yes I realize two kids, a house, two dogs and a helpless man is a full time job, thank you very much- I mean the kind with a check and a retirement plan. I'll still be working out of the house until probably early September, and I can't say going back to herding doctors was really what I wanted to do, but hey I'm good at it and he's willing to pay me a more than reasonable salary. He's very nice, and very young. I'll have to stop referring to him as "Doogie Howser, M.D." or it's going to slip out at an inopportune moment if I'm not careful. I think it will be a good match in the long run, an earnest and bright but naive young man such as himself needs a mean old bitch like me to look out for him. Starting a practice from scratch is quite a task, but one I've done before, so in the long run I think everyone will come out OK on this deal.

Be happy, and be nice to each other ut there. Carry on..

Sweet!~

I always knew I liked Dennis Kucinich.

Even if it happens 12/31/2008 it's the principle of the matter, I'd like to believe there is still accountability in this universe.

Now go write your congressperson. And if you can stomach it, read all 35 articles..

I'm fine, thanks!

Just a quick post and a thanks to those of you that emailed after the big storm. The house is standing, vehicles unscathed and everyone is fine.

We finally got electricity back this afternoon!! Woo Hoo!! So after cleaning the nasty fridges and making the joint habitable, it's time for a hot meal and a very, very long hot bath!

Thanks for checking in on me brother dear, and you other lovely folks too!

Six Things-

Well, Jeff tagged me so I shall respond. But I'll be a slacker and not tag in kind. Mainly because I've already irritated my friends.. But Mamma taught me it's rude to ignore a polite request from a friend.

Six Things- (Not that y'all care in the least)


What Was I Doing Ten Years Ago – 1998:

Ten years ago this month I was at Children’s Hospital INOVA with the Hurricane, scared out of my mind.


5 Things On My To Do List For Today:

Book plane ticket to NOLA in July.

Take Miss Thing’s enrollment crap over to the community college to register for dual enrollment next year.

Call Jack and find out why the brand new, very pricey, French doors are now leaking.

Figure out what the hell the Hurricane did with his baseball mitt since he has a game tonight.

Mail sympathy card to cousin Judy.


Snacks I enjoy:

Well I really do try and avoid snackage, you will note the operative word is try..
Cashews
Olive Oil & Rosemary Triscuits
Bleu Cheese
Soft pretzels
Dark chocolate (ohh, those Choxies with the sea salt and almonds, yumm)


Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire:

Establish a substantial philanthropic trust in order to be able to spread the cash around to causes I feel are worthy. And find some really smart person to run it so it becomes a genuine force for good, as opposed to tossing cash around to make me feel good about being lucky enough to get rich.

Build a fabulous house (not terribly large, just completely fabulous) someplace warm and sunny by the ocean so Tate and I can retire in comfort.

Build a house for Baby Sister and the Old Fart- with separate wings.

Pay off both Brother's mortgages.

Establish a trust for my kids that ensures they will be secure, but forces them to work for it and be productive or it goes to a home for stray cats or some such.

Indulge in the one completely disgusting, over the top and totally silly over priced article I desire- a black Hermes Kelly Bag.

Shoes, shoes and more shoes.

See the whole, entire world.


Places I Have Lived:

Charlottesville, VA

Chapel Hill, NC

NY, NY

Arlington, VA



Blogs I enjoy:

Tater, Tony, Gavin, my sweet Wills, my blog mamma Lynette, Miss Cowbell, Miss Elizabeth, Al Cousin Rainey, The Hat, Sling, Citizen of the World, that crazy Billy Pilgrim and many others, but the list grows long and my allotted bloggy time short-

Stop me, please!!

Should you see me in the checkout line at Home Depot with yet another can of Behr “Colossal pain in the ass requiring 4 coats, because it’s a nightmare to work with, but undeniably fabulous” red enamel paint, please stage an intervention right there and make me take it back and leave immediately. I have obviously lost the ability to control myself in this matter.

Thanking you very kindly in advance.

Best regards,

Dora

The Nearest Book Meme

Miss Elizabeth tagged me a while back and I have been very lazy about getting around to doing anything about it.

1..Pick up the nearest book.
2.Open to page 123.
3.Locate the fifth sentence.
4.Post the next three sentences on your blog and in so doing...
5.Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged me.

As the reading material closest at hand is "Principles Of ICD-9-CM Coding", I had to trot to the bedroom.


Thomas Pynchon, V.


‘The stories, by the time Profane heard them, were pretty much apocryphal and more fantasy than the record itself warranted. At no point in the twenty or so years the legend had been handed on did it occur to anyone to question the old priest’s sanity. It is this way with sewer stories, they just are, truth or falsity don’t apply.”


Let’s see now, I wonder what Taterbug is reading, and anything Al happens to be perusing ought to be interesting. Tony may still be working on Balzac, we’ll see, and Jeff ought to have something interesting going on. And I am sure my dear Wills is reading something highly enlightening at the moment..

For my Mary Poppins friend.

Who is indeed practically perfect in every way, with the glaring exception of a dislike of Bono.. I expect you'll miss neither the sentiment nor my typically perverse sense of humor. Mainly because you love me in spite of myself.




We're both right dear.. Don't just listen, hear me too.


And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home... hard to know what it is if you've never had one
Home... I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the hurt is

I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind
You got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress-up
All that you scheme...

I'm considering Hermit as my next career..

Assumptions often annoy me. Not that y’all actually care, but a few encounters last weekend reminded me of how utterly irritating people can be when traveling. And I’m also mainly posting something so Tater will stop whining..

When I travel I tend to try and make as nice as possible with the locals. Not only is this simply common politeness, it is their home after all, but truthfully people tend to be nicer to you if you’re not behaving like a jerk. I really wish some people would return the favor.

Memorial Day weekend reminded me of why I generally hole up on the mountain and try not to venture forth unless absolutely necessary on holidays. The entire people driving like maniacs thing being one reason. I’m spoiled by living out here, as most folks generally are fairly polite drivers. You cut me off and try and kill me to get to the gas pump first, I don’t have to check your license plate honey, and I know damn well you’re not from around here.

What started this anti social rant you ask? OK, you didn’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Ice. Yes, a simple bag of ice. I realized that I had indeed neglected to lay in extra ice for the traditional weekend cookout. Cursing myself I get in the car and head on down the hill to the local market/gas station. On weekends it tends to get a little crazy down there as it’s right off the interstate, but holiday weekends are a real pain.

I digress.. So I park the car, get my ice and head for the counter to check out. There was a woman in front of me who was apparently lost. Carol, the very nice lady at the register, is obviously not getting through and the line is backing up so she sweetly asks if I can provide this person with directions. Sure, no problem. The woman states her destination is Washington. I inquire “Washington D.C. or Washington VA?” She looks at me as if I have two heads and then proceeds to speak to me as if I am a complete moron. Well I consider this a fairly simple question as, given the location, it could be either.. Virginia it is.. fine. I try and give her the fairly simple, straightforward directions and she keeps interrupting me and asking “Are you sure?” Lady, I have lived here sixteen years, yes I am quite sure. Not deterred she continues to be as rude and condescending as humanly possible. Finally I give up and give her the rest of the directions in French and walk away.

The moral of the story? If I hear, a Jersey accent, I am not going to automatically assume you’re an asshole. Don’t assume I’m some sort of inbred morn because I have a bit of an accent myself sister.. I don’t exactly sound like a bit character from Deliverance or something. At least I don’t think so.

Anyway, the point being bigoted assumptions are not confined to gender, race or sexual preference. There are plenty of people that assume the moment they cross the Mason-Dixon line that we’re all a bunch of stupid rednecks. And I’m not saying there aren’t any, but I don’t presume the minute I head north everyone is a rude, ill-mannered asshole- kindly return the favor.

Let the whining commence!!

Well since two of my very favorite people are off having fun in NY without me, I’ll just pout all weekend, thank you very much. And on top of that my computer is acting all freaky on me. I had this very amusing video for my Taterbug and Tony, damn thing keeps crashing the machine, then I tried to email them a verbal Bon Voyage, ditto.. and if you guys did get 52 identical emails from me- I'm really sorry, I swear!!!! I’m getting very, very irritated.

I hope you have a fabulous time boys, and don't do anything that would land you on the cover of the Times. or in the hospital.. Perhaps it's all for the best, let's face it, I'd have kind of stuck out on Bear Hill after all. Let me know you made it home safe and sound, and I expect lots and lots of pictures!!!

I'm retiring back to the swooning couch to sob my little heart out again..

Happy Mother's Day!

To all you Mothers, and to all you children- have yourselves a lovely day.

I give you the Divine Miss Billie and the always amazing and suave Count Basie. Because Mamma adored them both and some of her happiest memories were seeing them both play in numerous venues. Some of my happiest memories are recalling how her face lit up when she told me the tales of her adventures club hopping with Daddy.

The Mother and Child Reunion.

The Mother and child relationship is frequently fraught with many a complication that simply doesn’t fit on your standard greeting card. Mother’s Day tends to bring up a lot of emotion, some good, some bad. For those that have a rocky relationship with their mother, it’s perhaps a time to try and step back and appreciate that she did the best she could under the circumstances. For those with an untenable relationship, a sad day wishing for a connection they might never have. For those that have lost a mother, it can be a day of both sadness and happy memories. I vote you go with the happy personally.

My relationship with Mamma was one of huge ups, and equally huge downs. The gory bits of which I shan’t get into for one simple reason- many years ago I made my peace with her and realized she did the best she could with what she had to work with. And all things considered, she really was a good mother, and in spite of my contrary nature and the fact that the universe conspired to rain undue amounts of ill fortune on her head- she loved us all, really and truly and gave it her best shot.

I like to think that trying to recall the good parts, as opposed to the ones that hurt me or made me angry isn’t denial. It happens to be my acceptance that life sometimes is wonderful and sometimes it just flat out sucks.. And sometimes, shit just happens and there’s nothing you can do about it. So for this Mother’s Day, I choose to remember the happy moments, and the things I really loved about her that made the unpleasant bits easier to dismiss as an adult.

Mamma was raised in a time and place that was a bit peculiar. She was to be polite, ladylike, marry well and be a perfect lady.. Yet her family tree was heavily littered with that near stereotype of southern woman that pulled a Scarlett and did whatever the hell she wanted..

She played sports, she went to real college, as opposed to a “school for young ladies”, she married for love, owned a business, modeled when it wasn’t something proper married women did, but did it all with such style that she was still “socially acceptable”. But I think she gave up a lot when she married Daddy, and even more when she had the four of us.

She was a piece of work, plain and simple. Watching her work the dining room was an education- she would swan into the room and you couldn't help but look. No denying she really was a genuinely beautiful woman, but it was more than that, when she turned it on there was a charisma that simply couldn't be denied. It was her element, every guest that walked into their restaurant would be subject to her personal attention, plumber or First Lady, it did not matter. Her staff both loved and feared her truthfully. She had a very discreet series of gestures for summoning and if you missed it, woe be unto you later.. trust me- I was on the tail end of that more than once.

But I think one of my favorite memories has to be when I was in junior high school- it was career day. Everyone else had their Dad come in. In strolls Mamma in this fabulous Pucci print dress and scarf with these huge Jackie shades. The entire class just sort of went “Huh?” She proceeded to explain the joys of killing yourself by being in the restaurant business for about five minutes. Then she launches into a lovely lecture about finding what really makes you happy. I totally had the coolest Mom in junior high school that day..

I think one of the hardest things for her to reconcile was being taken seriously. The most often heard comment at her funeral was “She was the most beautiful woman I ever knew”. Hey, she totally worked it, and she sure as hell used it to her advantage. Ok, it is what it is. But she was a beautiful woman that was also really smart, and very kind and she had about the most generous heart a human has the capacity to expand to. And I often wonder if her life might have been terribly different had she not been the beauty of the family. I always found it ironic that her sister wondered as well.. After mamma died her sister said to me “You know, I really think that if she’d have been a little plainer, her life would have taken a very different path “ I expect there's a lot of truth in that.

Perfect? No. Mother of the year? Probably not. But Mamma, you tried your best, you were a hell of a lot of fun during the good times, and you did always apologize, after a fashion, for the bad ones, and you had phenomenal taste and being your size was always a good thing!

As my dear friend Buddy likes to say “you roll the dice, you take your chances- and then you walk away.”

Or the one saying I always come up with that irritates the hell out of my kids "Sometimes it really just is what it is"

A Cautionary Tale-

Under no circumstances should two men, a bull dozer and a twelve pack be left home alone while you run to town to take care of a few things..













Don't say I never warned you.

No video involved, how shocking!!

My current spate of video blogging hath multiple reasons my dears- I’ve been both tired and lazy. Life has been a wee bit intense here of late and sometimes the easy way out is really not such a bad thing. And yes, I probably could justify my way out of damn near anything, given a minute to think.. Look at it as a gift.

Daddy is still in rehab and is not doing his usual bounce back- whole lot of weird going on there that seems to have no viable answer. Perhaps old and tired is just the only answer one can give at this point. Baby Sister is pretty well melting down in a most alarming way, for multiple reasons. It’s like herding cats, therefore I give up trying.

Miss Thing turned 16 on the 20th and a good time was indeed had by all. She was offered any celebration within reason (and outside of reason, as all she’d have had to do would be to ask Daddy) She opted for dinner at home- peculiar child. But what the hell you want me to smoke ribs for you, and make you BBQ shrimp and grits; well that’s what you get kiddo..

I’ve had a little medical weird of my own going on that seems to be nibbling away at my spare moments. Being a human pincushion is really quite time consuming. I have however had a chance to catch up on some reading whilst sitting and waiting, and waiting and waiting.. Ironic how doctors genuinely irritate the shit out of me, given the number of years I was in medical practice management, huh?

And yes, I am still job hunting, and still unsuccessfully, in the midst of all this fun, thanks for asking. But spring has sprung and all things will resolve themselves in time.

The bears are out and about, and it appears we have a troublemaker in the bunch this year. A few nights ago (or mornings more precisely) I heard a noise around 2AM on my deck. Got up to investigate, flipped on the light and there’s a damn bear balanced on the railing giving me the “What??” look. Now in and of itself this wouldn’t be too peculiar except for the fact that said deck is surrounded by an 8 foot stockade fence, and is off the second floor; now that was a first I must say.. I shooed him off and went back to bed. And hour later, here we go again, I look out my bedroom window on the first floor and what do I see but 300 pounds or so of bear butt balancing on the fence trying another route up. Stubborn bear, I must say. Most especially since I go to great lengths to coexist with them by never leaving anything out they can consider a food source. Great, I get the crazy bear! Well the nice bear biologist guy came and investigated, seems the boy has been causing havoc all over the general vicinity so it looks like he may have to be relocated if he keeps up the mischief.

Well that’s all the news that fits at the moment folks, hope you’re all well, safe and happy!

So Hat won't fret..

All is well- wrong end of the state precious. It is however one hell of a mess down there and I'm thankful that the many friends we have in the vicinity weren't in the path of the tornado!

A very random Friday video

Well the "video" part kind of stinks, but it's the only full version of the song I found. TV show theme or not, you have to admit it's a great song! My kids think it's hysterical that I start with the dancing every time it comes on my iTunes mix-
Just ignore the screen and open your ears...




Y'all have a wonderful weekend!

Just for a smile-

The combination of the incomparable Emmylou Harris with Levon Helm and Robbie Robertson, what more can I say? From my favorite 'rockumentary" ever. "The Last Waltz"
Damn, I loved The Band..

Today's underappreciated artist-

I always felt Robert Palmer's few successful songs actually derailed his career. He was quite prolific and was recording almost to his untimely death. His depth was far greater than those couple of catchy songs. So picking one was pretty hard- so here you go with a few of my personal favorites. Sadly i couldn't find a decent recording of Every Kind of People.

This remix of Mercy Mercy Me/I Want You was always one of my favorites, it really is a brilliant arrangement-




And Sneaking Sally Through the Alley was a real classic-



Those four or so hits were truly not the sum of this very talented man. And what a shame he went so young, who knows what else he'd have accomplished.

it's been a really complicated day-

I needed a little beautiful- Nureyev in arguably one of his finest moments, and the incomparable Fonteyn. He was beyond magnificent, the one time I was blessed to have seen him live on stage my heart quite literally stopped.. and the one brief moment I met him in person was quite memorable- There may never be a partnership quite like that again.

It's OK, really!!

Well it was awfully sweet of y’all to worry. But no, I’m neither dead nor have I expatriated south with Antonio Banderas to start my blissful fantasy life in the tropics.

My love and thanks to Tate, Tony, Wills, Jeff and all you other dears that called or wrote to check in on me. I’ve just been rather preoccupied, and downright busy. Daddy went into the hospital. Things got bad, real bad. Then things got somewhat better. So now he’s in rehab and we’re trying to figure out what the hell to do next. Brother #1 is having some very hard times at the moment- and while there’s nothing I can do about it, I do fret nonetheless.. Baby Sister is losing her shit in a major way over the Daddy situation, and her personal life- lord don’t get me started on that. Find a nice lesbian to settle down with and quit being someone's experiment already! Oy.. OK after 10 years in a relationship and getting dumped, I can kind of see it- but seriously honey, find someone committed full time to your team, you know full well it is going to end badly. Need I remind you???

The boy has had a horrid bout of bronchitis again, and given his immune deficiency I tend to get a wee bit freaked out when something like this drags on. The girl is getting ready to turn 16 this weekend, trying to get her NHS application done and figure out what to do this summer, among other teenaged angst.. Just shoot me now, OK??

And I’m still looking for a damn job.. And I’m fairly sure I finally started my midlife crisis.. How come 46 year old moms don’t get to freak out, buy a sports car and date a hottie half their age??? The injustice!!!

Well if I make light of it I can’t go over the edge kids.. Hope all my dears are well, safe and happy. And I swear I’ll check in more often so I don’t worry y’all (yes Jeff, that means you)- really, I do promise.. It’s good to have my virtual posse, really! No jokes, all kidding aside it really is a comfort to know there are a few people out there that think of me =..

Next up-

On our list of under-appreciated artists we have the one and only Delbert McClinton. There are sadly not a lot of videos, as Delbert has always been a music festival or big ass bar with a stage kind of guy. But he is widely regarded by musicians as one of the best harmonica players alive, a fine guitar player and an all around good guy. And having shared "refreshments" after a show (get your minds out of the gutters there people) a couple of times, I have to agree. And I love, love, love that man's voice.. well that and he was one damn fine looking man in his prime, that didn't hurt.

First up, probably his one big hit- and yes Cowbell, this one REALLY has More Cowbell in it..



And just so you can hear the man play the harp.. And yes Granny, another Texas boy.



Oh yeah- Elvin Bishop and Paul Thorn rock out pretty hard in this one too.

Have a lovely evening dears..

Have you ever noticed..

That the most thunderous moments of self-realization, or the truest instances of being at the very edge of reason frequently occur in front of a bathroom mirror?

Rather curious, don’t you think?

Our mood meter for the day.

Crappy video, great song. No one could do it like Lowell.. I miss him still.



Carry on people.

I'm Tired..

So tired.. Not in the way the fabulous Madeline Kahn is I grant you, but still bloody tired.




Could be the weather, perhaps just life in general but I'm exhausted. Insomnia isn't helping, true enough. Time for a change I think. Perhaps working out of the house is the issue, lack of adult conversation isn't helping my humor. And Tate would no doubt like to get a word in edgewise once in a while. Whatever it is, feeling and looking like something the cat dragged in needs to stop.

Just because it happens to be what I'm in the mood for-

No need to explain it, now is there? Have a fabulous weekend dears..

Take it away Stevie-

My life in a series of four..

Dear Cousin Lorraine tagged me for the quadruplet meme.. Thanks darling.. So kids, numerous dull facts that you no doubt never wanted to know about me-

Four Jobs I have had in my life:

Office Manager

House wares Buyer

Line Bitch

Event planner/caterer



Four Movies I would watch/have watched over and over:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Escape from New York-
(Don’t care what you say it’s an absolute classic)

The Princess Bride

A River Runs Through It



Four Places I have lived:

Charlottesville, VA

Chapel Hill, NC

NY, NY

Arlington, VA


Four TV Shows that I watch:

Ugly Betty

Project Runway

No Reservations

*That caps it, all my real favs have been canceled- Deadwood, Six Feet Under, Dead Like Me, The Office (the real one, not the US version) , Stargate, The West Wing*


Four Places I have visited:

I shall only list my four favorite cities..

San Francisco

San Juan

Toronto

Savannah


Four People who email me regularly:

Gayl

Frank

Wills (sorta- but his always make me happy)

Boots



Four Favorite Foods:

Ham
(Actually pork in any form-)

Raspberries

Turnip Greens
(Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it)

Foie gras




Four Places I would like to be right now:

Tahiti

Cap d’ Antibes

San Francisco

Hatteras Island



Four Things I am looking forward to this year:

The big gay slumber party.
(I’m working on it boys- promise! You need at least one obligatory estrogen accessory)

A week in NOLA visiting Buddyboy in July.

Miss Thing getting her driver’s license.
(yes, really)

Finding a decent job (I’m trying to do the positive outlook thing here, work with me)




Four People who should post Four Things:

Jeff

Gavin

Red

Sling

This is just not right-

This angers me in such a visceral way I can't say much more other than to quote and link.. I just haven't the words. The US government is slaughtering one of the last herd of free buffalo. Is this not the people's land? Should we not have a say in this?? I've seen the herds in Yellowstone, and it is at once an awesome sight and a sad and heartrending moment to realize the range these creatures once had before we started the wholesale and useless slaughter..

This winter alone, more than 1,000 wild bison have been brutally killed by the National Park Service and the Montana Department of Livestock -- or shipped to slaughterhouses.

And come May, newborn calves are just as likely to be killed as their mothers.

We cannot stand by and let this massacre continue: Send a protest message now.

Right now, it's still winter in Yellowstone, and these unsuspecting buffalo are following historic migratory routes in search of food at lower elevations where there is less snow.

When the buffalo venture near or beyond the park's boundary, they will continue to be rounded up and killed -- unless we start a national outcry.

What makes this sacrifice so senseless is that it's all to protect 12 to 16 domestic cows and steers that graze near the park from the theoretical risk of a disease -- brucellosis -- that has never been transmitted from bison to cattle in a natural setting.

Yes, you read those numbers right: 1,000 wild bison slaughtered to protect a little more than a dozen cows outside the park that have most likely been vaccinated against the disease, or easily could be.

Please speak out and stop the slaughter. Yellowstone's buffalo are a national treasure: America's last, free-roaming herd. The National Park Service should be their guardian, not their executioner.

Take a moment if you're so inclined

Not to be sexist..

The thing I hate about spring is baseball. The boy loves baseball, really loves it- thus I deal with it. But there are some Dads I'd really love to bitch slap right on back into last week. Sorry gents, but I honestly have never heard a Mom type person ragging on their kid when they're playing- Not saying it doesn't happen mind you, I've just never witnessed it personally.





I would so love for a kid or two I know to turn around and do exactly that right in the middle of a game.

Friday Video

Well I was really in the mood for J.J. Cale doing Clyde.. love the hook on that song, I really do. But alas, I can't seem to find it, or I'm lazy whatever.

So this will do.

Friday Jukebox redux

Because Annie rules, and it's my second favorite version of the song. And pretty much just for the hell of it. I really want to be Annie if I ever grow up.

Friday Video

And there you have it.. Gail Ann Dorsey is absolutely amazing..








I really need a vacation.. and the pressure is really getting on my last raw nerve. Then I realize there are so many people out there with dire amounts of crazy in their lives, I realize I'm pretty much just whining.. Carry on.

To the fine citizens of Brattleboro Vermont-

You folks are true patriots! Wonder if we can all chip in and buy a couple of plane tickets for the Evil Twins for next January. "You have just won an all expense paid ski trip to Vermont!" Y'all think on it, we have some time to come up with a plan.


Brattleboro, Vermont passes indictment of Bush and Cheney
To be arrested in Brattleboro "if they are not duly impeached"




The courageous people of Brattleboro, Vermont have taken the lead! Frustrated that elected officials have refused to introduce articles of impeachment in defiance of their constituents' demands, the people of Brattelboro voted to direct town officials to draw up indictment papers against George Bush and Dick Cheney for violating their oath of office.

The Brattleboro vote took place during the Tuesday's Vermont primary election. Bush supporters launched a major campaign to discredit the referendum resolution and the organizers. Yet the resolution passed by a vote of 2012 in favor to 1795 against.

"Shall the Selectboard instruct the Town Attorney to draft indictments against President Bush and Vice President Cheney for crimes against our Constitution, and publish said indictments for consideration by other authorities and shall it be the law of the Town of Brattleboro that the Brattleboro Police, pursuant to the above-mentioned indictments, arrest and detain George Bush and Richard Cheney in Brattleboro if they are not duly impeached, and prosecute or extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them?" The people of Brattleboro answered, "yes!"

The indictment means that Bush and Cheney can be arrested for criminal acts should they ever enter Brattleboro. The indictment would go into effect after Bush and Cheney leave office.

There are times you just need some silly..

The Hurricane looked at me yesterday and said "Hey Mom, smile!" I gave him the what now look.. and he says "You haven't been smiling much lately, you need some silly" at which point he did a huge leap onto the couch and started tickling me. I really did need some silly in a bad way.

Then Hat sent me a hysterical post card..

So I declare this a little bit of silly morning-



Because I have been way too serious here of late.. I've been threatening to move to Maui and change my identity.



Or go on strike because they're all making me crazy..



Carry on people.. and go do something really silly for an hour, just for the hell of it.



Hah- see I can lighten up once in a while! Thanks Hat! I really needed that.

All the news that fits.

Not that anyone actually cares, but it’s been quite the busy couple of weeks at Casa de Locos. Let’s recap the high points, shall we?

The crazy neighbor had the final court date. The judge (finally) found her in contempt of the last court order and gave her 6 months- suspended. Provided she’s a good girl and does nothing to impede to county’s clean up of the horrendous mess. Well considering the day after this she showed up at the sheriff’s office with a bucket of black snakes- no I’m serious- and stated the property was infested, I expect more shenanigans are planned. If nothing else, it ought to make for some fireworks of some sort when they do finally show up. And apropos of nothing- where in the hell do you get a bucket of live black snakes in the dead of winter in the mountains??? Bat shit crazy I tell you, bat shit crazy..

Miss Thing now officially has her learner’s permit. Next, the wonderful task of behind the wheel training. I really have to borrow a video camera.. So I call my nice insurance guy, no really he’s a great guy, to ask if I have to do anything, and his first response was “Holy Shit!” This from a man I have known for over twenty years and have never heard utter a single curse word. He laughed and apologized, but couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t fathom for a moment that she could possibly be that old. Tell me about it..

The Hurricane got his braces off- stage one of this lovely process. And was quite the happy boy. Until they took x-rays and realized his adult canines are literally coming in sideways. Great.. So the poor kid has to have all four of the baby canines pulled, and is none too happy about the prospect. Neither is my wallet, but I guess coughing up 400 bucks to prevent the 2 grand we’ve already spent from getting screwed up is pretty much non-negotiable. Now I just have to find the 400 bucks.. Always something, isn’t it? But I ask you; seriously, these are baby teeth we’re talking about it can’t be all that darn involved, really! Would it work if I just had him start wiggling them for an hour a day? What a racket..

The Hurricane has a girlfriend. Part of me is thinking- Oh isn’t that precious?? The other part is thinking- Oh shit, now it starts.. He’s cute and the barn door is now open sister, you’re in trouble. Yes he’s mine and I’m supposed to think he’s adorable, blah blah blah . He’s adorable. Just ask Uncle Tate and Uncle Wills.. I do give the boy credit however, he picked a winner. Cute as a button, honors student, athlete and an older woman (11) to boot.

Just had to pick the truck up from the shop today- oh great there goes another 500 bucks down the drain.. Oh goody. Didn’t really need or want that. But I suppose anti lock brakes are one of those things you really can’t get around living at the top of a mountain.

Job hunt- it sucks. The hunting isn’t so bad; it’s the rejection part. Now I do more or less have the hide of a rhino, and I realize the market is tight right now, but seriously it is indeed an employers market out there. The last interview I had, whilst listening to the duties requested I was tempted to inquire if I would also be required to balance a basket of fruit on my head and dance the fucking flamenco as well.. Perhaps I’m just too old to tolerate stupid crap, that could be it. It certainly wasn’t the suit or the shoes..

Now that everyone is bored to tears, but assured I’m alive (thank you for your kind email inquiries) go on about doing something interesting with your extra day for this year..

Me and Jackie, we were tight like that..

Long ago in the dim recesses of time- you know the late seventies- I had an encounter in New York that dear Al inadvertently reminded me of the other day. I thought it might give him a smile.

I had more or less bailed on my very proper upbringing and ventured off to the wicked city to pursue my dream of being the next Gelsey Kirkand. Well, let’s just say that knees are a very poorly designed body part and we’ll leave it at that, shall we? Well yours truly was pretty much having a ball. Working hard at dancing, doing the occasional modeling gig to make some cash and partying my ass off more or less. I lived in a second floor walk up on Christopher Street. Yes, really. Myself, two anorexic psychotic models and a drag queen named Ramon/Ramona shared a two bedroom apartment. I opted to room with Ramona because the other two pretty well annoyed me. Let’s say it was a learning experience. All I know about makeup dears was learned there. I still miss you R..

I had met a quite fetching young man that I rather liked and he invited me to a very fancy gathering that his parents demanded he attend, a schmoozing thing for the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Well, as he was quite good looking, and let’s be real- completely loaded in the trust fund sort of cash reserve way, I accepted. Give me a break, I was flat broke and he was actually quite a nice guy in spite of the trust fund.

Well this did pose a bit of a problem. I had decamped to the metropolis with the leotards and such, the punk princess wear and the disco queen stuff. I had nothing even vaguely appropriate. So, I did what any sensible girl would do , I called my Mamma..

Well bless her heart, she called a shop she was quite well acquainted with and made an appointment for me to acquire something appropriate. While I never did learn what the conversation actually consisted of, I have a deep and abiding suspicion she said something to the effect of “put her in something by Monsieur de Givenchy- period.” Yes, I ended up with the quintessential Givenchy “little back dress”. And she naturally sprang for shoes and a bag, she was like that. You were indeed the best Mamma..

And it was a smashing dress. Very simple, immaculately tailored and I felt like a princess the moment I put it on. Trust fund boy and I arrived for this big soiree and I felt a rising sense of panic when we walked in. All the women were doing the late seventies pre “Dynasty” thing.. I felt like the ugly duckling in a room full of peacocks. Thus, I was feeling very awkward and quite out of place as the simple southern deb in her black dress and pearls.. The pater and mater were quite charming truthfully, and I proceeded to have actually a relatively pleasant evening.

And then it happened. The one and only Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis showed up. I must say I did consider fainting as an option. Really. While trying to be cool and not stare while she was making the quick rounds of the various loaded patrons, and I wasn’t the only one, I was literally captivated watching her.

She approached the mater and pater and did the quick, how lovely of you to come bit, and went to move along. She looked at me and smiled and gave that regal little head incline thing and gave me a quick little wink. I think my smile must have lit up the entire upper east side.

At that moment I realized we were actually the only two women in the room wearing the proverbial “simple black dress”.

I made the most expensive collect call of my life that night..

Act Fast!

As in NOW- deadline is 2/15. As I had done so a while back, yours truly dropped the ball on passing the word. Figuring most of the people I know are already mighty pissed about this, I sure am!!

I find the fact that the National Park Service is attempting to take away the right ("restrict" my ass) of the citizens of this country to assemble on the National Mall morally repugnant. Obviously to anyone with half a brain it is yet another attempt by the current administration to silence any opposition and take away yet another of our fundamental rights as citizens.

Can you imagine our country if Dr. King had not been allowed to speak that historic day? Any number of causes, be they right or left- the citizens of this country have had the right to stand on that strip of land and tell their government in no uncertain terms how they felt. Frankly I feel that's a cause we can all get behind, no matter what your particular politics might be. I've parked myself in that space more times than I can count, and in all those times and for the many various reasons, I knew damn good an well I was exercising my right as a citizen in the spirit this country was founded upon. I OWN that property damn you!! We all do!! You're sure as hell not going to be telling me what I can do in my back yard Shrub..

So kids head on over here.

And while you're at it make a pit stop here as well. The rights you save may well be not only yours folks, but your grand children's as well..

Get out there Virginia..

and Maryland, and DC.

Sounds weird, but I haven't missed a single election- not even for dog catcher- since I cast my first vote at 18 in 1979. I know there are those that rail that it no longer matters. Screw you. Voting was considered a sacred duty in my family. And I pound that concept into my children. As citizens of a free society, flawed as it might be, you have an obligation and indeed a duty to make the time to go forth and cast your vote.

Many people have died for that right, many still fight to be allowed that basic component of individual dignity. And it only actually works if we go forth and exercise that liberty . There is no doubt a great deal currently wrong with this country. I decry and fear on a nearly daily basis the leaders and events that have gotten us to this point. I am in no way an idealistic individual, I'm a hard nosed pragmatist. But I still have the faith, and I still believe that participatory democracy can indeed work. But only if the people do their part and do indeed participate and make their voices heard.

That said- I hear any shit about "hanging chads" in Florida, I might just start organizing a mob..

I am not a morning person..

But it is rather nice to look out the back door and see this while drinking my first cup of coffee. This my dears is why I tolerate the nut job next door.

I got served..

And I am in no way happy about it. As my loyal readers (both of you) know I live in the semi middle of nowhere, we aren't talking the suburbs here folks. My neighbors are by and large all nice folks, the sort you can borrow a cup of sugar or a bottle of bourbon from. The kind of folks you can call at quarter till three and say you're never going to make it, can they pick up your kids at school. Ice storm hits, and we're all collectively out there with the chain saws dealing with the situation and checking on the old folks. There are naturally a few I wouldn't invite for cocktails, but no hubris there. But there is one I have to say that is a pain in the ass for the entire group. And yep, lucky me it has to be one of my next door neighbors. Thank jeebus for 5 acre lots..

This person has a serious issue- hoarding. Most people keep it in the house, oh no not this person.. The entire lot. At last count (by court records) 15 inoperable vehicles, 7 lawnmowers, 15 weed whackers, 28 cases (yes- huge packing crates) of debris. 18 propane tanks and who the hell knows what else. While I generally am sympathetic to the mentally ill, sorry kids I'm being real NIMBY about this one.. It's my groundwater (we all have wells) it's my property value- my taxes nearly doubled last year due to the housing "boom", which I had no problem with. I drive on county roads and my kids go to public schools. HOWEVER- I can't in any way get full value for my property since I live next to a land fill. Not to mention vermin and the fact that if a fire starts over there I can kiss my ass goodbye- This has gone from weird and annoying to bat shit crazy and trying to run people down in her vehicle nuts..

I digress.. After four long years of litigation (and five years of complaints prior to get it to that point) we're down to the wire, public hearings exhausted and the final judicial bit was to be dealt with today. Well lucky me, yesterday I got served. For the wrong side. Yep I got called for the wrong team. Which is ironic as hell since I have had to testify on 5 different occasions on behalf of either the county or the Commonwealth. The bitch had me served.. The legal term here kids is "hostile witness"- but we got continued till next week as the judge got word his brother quite suddenly died partially through the proceedings, so I can't say more till after the fact.

However- I had to cancel lunch with the darling Red to haul my ass to court, which pissed me off beyond reckoning. I had to call my lawyer, which OK wasn't bad he's a lovely man and doesn't charge for such things anyway, to advise me, I missed going to drool over shoes in the "big city" and also had to cancel a mental health spa appointment which I can only afford about twice a year.. I'm out of sorts dears, in a major way.

But what the hell, I'm meeting the Beast in the "big city" with a friend we haven't seen in ages for dinner, so the mood will no doubt improve. Have a lovely weekend darlings, I'm off to find something red to wear..

Where was I?

Chaos. Absolute chaos. That more or less covers it. It’s been a horribly busy time the past few weeks, complicated by being rather unwell. Not full blown I can hide in bed sick, the kind of sick that allows you to remain upright and mobile, thus hindering recovery.

I’ve tried like hell to get a rather large project finished, and the deadline looms.. But I just can’t seem to get my focus fully together in order to complete the task at hand. Much to my eternal annoyance, and I daresay that of my client. And the more I stress over the impending date, the worse the lack of concentrated effort seems to become. It’s turned into some evil sort of vile back feed loop.

Brother #2 up and had a heart attack. After coming to a loving sisterly acceptance of his stubborn ways- he up and has a heart attack and then doesn’t bother to tell anyone until five days later. I was more than a little put out by this, I can assure you. Actually it was more along the lines of “What the fuck is wrong with you?? I know damn well your wife is capable of dialing a phone so, you TOLD her not to call.” I’m damn sure his best friend, his clients and the damn postman knew, but he didn’t want to call his family?? I really no longer get that man, I truly don’t and I guess it’s time to just give up trying, he’s just not right. And if you think I was pissed, the Old Fart got more than a little put out over it. I mean really, who the hell does this when they’re generally on good terms with their family? Hell who would do it if they weren’t? I just don’t get it.

The estrogen wars have heated up in rather grandiose fashion. There really ought to be some sort of natural law against puberty and menopause in the same house. You know, some sort of survival of the species mechanism that just doesn’t allow it. My normally fairly level female child has turned into someone I no longer know. While I am quite sure it’s temporary in nature, I really wish the aliens would bring her back home and take back this creature they left in her place.

To say the Beast and I have a stormy relationship is like saying it was right breezy in New Orleans the day Katrina hit.. But the storm always blows past and things go back to usual. Took a bit longer this go round.. Which in the midst of all the other shit was really not something that contributed to getting things back on track. I’m the match, he’s the gas, but in spite of it we’ve managed not to blow the joint up in 27 years. But there are those moments that I wonder what one of those lovely conflict free relationships would be like.

I have really tried to put issues in perspective, to be thankful in a genuine and encompassing way for all that I am blessed with. Sadly the current state of mental exhaustion seems to be somewhat at odds with putting matters into a nice zen-like perspective. I’d really prefer to have the old list making, getting shit done me back frankly.. I’m done whining now, y’all go back to what you were doing.

A sinking feeling.

Brother #2 has been at it again. The emergency gall bladder surgery right before the holidays was very troublesome indeed. Somehow things don’t seem to be progressing quite the way they ought to.

Aside from a fresh scar to add to his rather impressive assemblage, I fear that the fun and games of the entire bypass drama made no long lasting impression on the man. That or things are just starting to slide downhill, his recalcitrant ways aside.

While not prone to superstition, I have a deep sense of foreboding every time I speak to him and I hear he’s “just not feeling right yet”. Perhaps it’s paranoia. Perhaps knowing we’ve finally come to a place where we can deal with one another as adults, not merely siblings and I fear he’s going to be taken away from me is simply my problem. But a very reckless youth and it’s damage, a stubborn disposition in middle age all seem to be closing in quickly. Perhaps something got lodged in him many years ago, having dodged death in such grandiose fashion how could something as trivial as an internal organ do him in?

I do so hope I’m terribly, terribly wrong. Because I do love his stubborn, hardheaded ass.

That four letter word.

Let the fun begin! As my dear daughter calls it- “The grand southern ritual of bread and toilet paper”. Yes folks, that nasty four letter word yours truly despises- snow.. A lot of snow coming our way. And since it likes a party it seems to have invited it’s friend sleet along .

Now I really don’t know the rituals involved in other parts of the country in respect to white and icky frozen bits falling from the sky, but around here it sets off a compulsive need in normally sane folks to charge to the grocery store and upon arrival decimate the shelves.. Especially in the bread and toilet paper departments.

Y’all, you will be able to get out tomorrow if you have to! Honest! And since we live in the damn mountains, where it indeed does snow with some regularity, I’d have expected a bit more sense. Worst I ever saw was 6 feet and we were dug out the next day, and if necessary could have made it in to town. Not on your life! The post snow grocery freak out is almost as bad as the pre game festivities.

That said, little ole me did indeed have to go to the damn store this morning. Severe dog food miscalculation on my part, damn! I try my best to avoid driving in the snow for one reason- I always get within the proximity of the guy with a big ass truck that thinks the fact he has four wheel drive makes him 7 feet tall and bullet proof on ice.. And he’s always the jackass that causes the 10-car pile up.

But since the big dog gets pretty cranky when he’s hungry, I decided I would indeed brave the insanity for his growling tummy. Also realizing the boy has no grits and if he doesn’t get grits and cheese in the morning I’ll have both of them giving me the look. I figured around 7:00AM nothing falling yet- this is manageable. What the hell, I was up and dressed anyway.

*Cue Mission Impossible music*

Grab the list off the fridge and haul it on in to town. Parking lot looks sparse- good deal! And the Beast says a grocery list arranged by aisle is anal.. hah! Since I’m there I grab the stuff I’d have gotten anyway, what the hell, why go back this weekend? Coming around the home stretch with my 15 or so items and come to a screeching halt. One register open- ONE. Shit! 10 people queued up already- damn, quick left turn into self-check out, and no line, woo hoo! I should have known it was all going too well.. I had to get the cranky scanner that forces a 10 swipe minimum per item to get it to read. Finally get out of there, toss the movies through the slot at Blockbuster, and away we go..

Within 10 minutes of my arrival home the phone rings. It’s my favorite neighbor. “I’m heading in to town, need anything while I’m there?” Yeah, a ticket to Miami or Rome please..

I think I need to be in time out.

I’ve been in a bit of a vile mood the past few weeks. Winter and I never did get on well, but as I less than gracefully slide into my middle years, it’s gotten worse. The ennui of the past summer is back, and along with it a nasty disposition. I really am a pretty even-tempered person as a rule, but I find myself looking in the mirror wondering who in the hell is that woman looking back at me? Things that would normally merely irritate me are really pissing me off.

Case in point- I received an automated phone call from the high school last week, kindly letting me know the date we have to cough up the cash for Miss Thing’s school ring. I was mildly annoyed. Two hours later I receive a call from the guidance department. Miss Thing came home Friday before last with a handwritten URL for the state Governor’s School and proceeds to say, “Mom, they gave me this and told me I should let them know if we’re interested in applying.” Well yes dear, I looked at the start of school and applications weren’t available yet, please get me the information… Time goes by, no info forthcoming. Therefore last Friday I call and leave a message for the counselor. She calls back. The child’s PSAT scores (they had 10 graders take it this year as a practice run) were one of the highest in the county. OK, so you people can call me to remind me to send a check in for a class ring, but no one thought THIS might actually be fucking important enough to warrant a call? I was not amused.. Deadline for said application was today. Great. Spent the weekend dealing with the application, getting the kid to make with the essay bit and so on and so forth. Draft a note to the nice teachers that I’ll have to politely request to drop whatever else they are doing so letters of recommendation can be done to go with the application by midweek. Sunday after it was all done I snapped. I went off- at myself. Dogs, kids and spouse all scattered, as the times I have actually completely lost it can be counted on one hand- but damn they are memorable.

We live in a very small county and the gifted program is grossly under funded. We made the choice some years back to not push the issue of having her “identified” for multiple reasons. One, there really was no advantage to having the resources used, as she was already in accelerated classes and this process would genuinely do little more than that. Two, I figured if being top of your class, coming up in the 98th percentile of every standard test you’ve administered to her and generally excelling academically since kindergarten wasn’t enough of a clue for you people, well screw you. We’ve paid for all of her outside enrichment programs ourselves and would have anyway. See, my stubborn screw you attitude was the root of this little fiasco. Had she been ‘identified” and on the list, we’d have gotten notification long ago as to deadlines and such. My menopausal Alzheimer’s caused it as well, if you’re going to take a screw you attitude, you’d better be prepared to do your own leg work. Had I any sense I’d have checked back once a week for deadlines and application information. I really think I need to get away for a couple of days- I don’t much care for my own company at the moment. But thanks, I feel a little better since I got that out of my system.

10 Things-

My dear virtual brother Tater has decided that as long as he was humiliating himself, Hat and I ought to mortify ourselves as well. Gee, thanks dear, now I really know you care.. Well this few minutes of embarrassment is better than the home improvement hell in my basement at the moment, so on with the show!


1) Three Exes I would pretend not to know today:

Joe- because we were both such immature assholes. Dave- stalking is just not cool, why could you not just behave like a normal person? Four dates did not qualify me as your life partner. Tammy (don’t give me that look) who couldn't fathom that love and sex can be two completely different things- in spite of the fact that I was painfully clear on that point.


2) The most scandalous rumor to pass through my high school..

That a certain junior gave birth, and proceeded to stuff the baby in a drawer. Sadly it turned out to be true. Baby died and she went to an asylum for a while.


3) The time I Knew Santa didn’t exist.

I seem to recall I was about 8. Brother #2 told me the cold hard facts and I didn’t want to believe him. That Christmas Eve I saw Daddy hauling a bike out of the back of the station wagon and hiding it in the garage, so I sadly knew he was right.


4) The funniest thing I did in a house of worship.

Does sex count as funny?


5) Best excuse I came up with for being out past curfew.

I dropped a friend off at his house after the basketball game and I got lost on my way home. Hey, a person can get lost for three hours, really! Yeah well, they didn't buy it either.


6) Saturday cartoon character I had a crush on.

Race Bannon in Johnny Quest. I think it was the voice that did me in.


7)Cartoon character I wanted to be.

Never noticed a lot of strong female types other than Wonder Woman, though her accessories do totally rock. . I was more of a comic book type myself- the Marvel collection my parents tossed when I moved out could put both my kids through college AND grad school! I’d have to say either Red Sonja or Medusa from the Inhumans. They both kicked some serious ass.


8)Foods I can no longer stomach.

Never could tolerate beef liver or beets. Sorry, they just taste like dirt, and nasty dirt at that.


9)Tacky pick up line you used that worked.

I was never in the habit of picking up strange men.. I let them do the work.


10)Secret Hangover recipe.

Lots of water before bed. Then in the morning (or afternoon, as the case may be) a very large glass of tomato juice, hash browns and then a Bloody Mary or two.

So now I guess I get to pass the mortification around, hey- misery loves company people. I was going to pick on Red. But since I have to face him in a couple of weeks and I don't want him throwing spider rolls at me, I decided to be charitable. You now owe me a drink dear.. My left coast buddy Sling, having such an interesting life- ought to provide us all with some illuminating answers. That and I am sure he has a secret hangover cure we could all benefit from. And my darling Will, because such a cultured gentleman as himself must have some interesting answers as well.. that and I want to distract him for a wee bit.

Have a swell Saturday my dears, I now need to go face that large hole in the side of my house and try not to cry.

Happy New Year!

Well- that was a busy week! First chance to take a walk about blogger town and check in on everyone for quite a while now. Looks like you all had yourselves a merry little Christmas, and I hope a safe and fun New Years Eve.

Christmas was lovely, and that draft of holiday traditions here at Casa de Locos sat so long that its pretty much old and useless news, so on to more current affairs. The big day was loads of fun. We did our part to stimulate the economy and the kids were quite happy with their haul. Baby Sister and the Old Fart came over for dinner and it was a pleasant evening for all concerned. Good food, good booze and loot, what more could a girl ask for?

Let’s see, the little darlings got me books and a lovely cashmere sweater. Because we all know I’m a cashmere ‘Ho. The Beast got me a lateral file- don’t laugh, I needed it. I got him a new alternator and a battery- very thoughtful, don’t you think? Nice of the vehicle to get sick right before the holidays.. Our anniversary was quiet, and kid free for a change. 21 years (legally) and we haven’t killed one another yet, so we’ll call that a win for the home team. Note- if anyone ever suggests you get married between Christmas and New Years, tell them no. The lovely and romantic gift for said occasion was French doors for the basement. I was leaning more towards a trip to Mexico or something, but sadly the door in the basement that is leaking and totally screwing up that exterior wall was a little more pressing than me getting sandy and sunburned.

There’s nothing more romantic than spending your anniversary traipsing through Lowe’s. Myself, I’m a stealth shopper- I know what I want; I get it and get the hell out as fast as possible. The Beast has to spend forever and six more hours wandering all over, causing me to spend much precious energy trying to figure out where the hell he got to now.

I have a brilliant idea! Someone needs to make a little homing button than you clip on your partner the moment you enter said cavern of home improvement products, the other partner gets a hand held GPS tracking device- thus enabling said irritated individual to find their partner without walking 6 miles pushing a rather heavy cart. I myself think it’s sheer genius; hell I’d hand over 5 bucks to rent the damn thing!

New Years Eve was quiet, which was pretty much what I was shooting for. So here we are with a brand new shiny year to put my mark on. I don’t make resolutions, as I consider them self defeating prophecies- but I have decided that the coming year I shall expend more effort into looking around and enjoying all the wonderful people and things in my life and make an attempt to quit bitching quite so much. Except about politics..

Well dears, as it is New Years day yours truly must get to preparations for the traditional feast. I’m not really superstitious, but somehow I really do have to make with the traditional meal of greens, black eyes and pork, as somewhere in the recesses of my brain I am sure disaster shall befall the family unit if I don’t. Well that and the fact that I’ve had that particular meal every New Years day for the past 46 years, why screw with tradition?

Peace, love and kind and gentle blessings be upon you and those you love in the coming year.

Happy Holidays!

Had someone told me a year ago that there would be people in my life that I had never met in the flesh that would become so very, very dear to me- and steer me through some rather hard days, I’d have told them they were barking mad. Life’s funny like that, huh?

My love and wishes dears-

Tater Bug- my dear, sweet virtual brother. I wish upon you peace my dear and strength in the days ahead. Take the gift of what reconciliation you have with your daddy honey and cherish it for what it is. Curious how someone I never got to hug in “reality” has found such a place in my heart..

Hat- Whenever I talk to you, I really do have to remind myself we actually haven’t been friends for decades. Crazy, isn’t it? May the coming year give you more outlets for your brilliance dear girl. The Hurricane sends kisses ;)

Cousin Rainey- So, the reunion is in August, we’ll be expecting you dear. Talk about your crazy karmic coincidences, huh??? Steak & Mushroom soup recipe will be en route to you soon. Best to you, and the Spouse and the Child. Generate some good vibes for my heathen ass this season..

Red- You precious thing you- I’m working on finding a husband worthy of you honey. Tall order, to say the least! But I’ll be trekking to Tysons soon so we can sit down and talk about it.. And trust me buddy, to get me into that neck of the woods takes something pretty damn important.

Sling- get on with your bad ass self.. You sir, are a gentleman of the old school, right and proper. And I indeed mean that in the best way possible. Be safe, watch your possessions and much love to you and the Slinglets..

Wills- your sweet and constant good cheer has made many a bad day better my friend. Be well and give Laurent and Reesie baby a little snuggle just for the hell of it from me. Oh, and I hope Laurent’s trip to see his Mamma goes well- though I imagine that will be the proverbial bag of mixed blessings.. bless his heart- wish there was some wise thing I could say to make it all go away..

Cowbell- Every time I want to get a real case of the ass about the universe, I look at how you manage it and feel inspired, and I thank you for that. You are quite an amazing person and seeing the world from your point of view never fails to either expand my little universe, or validate what I already knew. Enjoy your time with the three offspring, and I pray for no unpleasant issues from the OMFH for at least a few weeks!

Jeff- hang in there sugar! If there were words that could make the next few months somehow easier for you, I wish I knew what they were! All I can say is I genuinely know how hard it is to let go dear, just don’t assume you have to all at once.. Actually, don’t even try- you’ll just have to trust me on that one.

EG- You never fail to make me laugh, think, or do both at the same time! You’ve brightened many a day for me and I do thank you sir.. However it does bear repeating that yours truly has a thing for red angora.. just sayin’ And yes, I am actually shameless.

Gavin- Between the hunk, the douche and the pretty pictures you always make a bright spot in my day. And for that, I genuinely am thankful.

Miss Lynette- My blog Mamma.. you actually were the reason I started my very public private diary. Not that my occasional rants hold a candle to your brilliant writing- you were however the spark. May your holiday be bright (as in WITH electricity) and I hope you and Mike enjoy nothing but the best the coming year may bring.

And to anyone I didn’t mention- nothing personal! I’m way behind in the kitchen department since the lights went out yet again today and if this doesn’t get done now, it pretty much won’t get done at all…

May you and yours enjoy peace, the love of one another and all that fills your heart with joy.

It wouldn't be Christmas-

Without some Brian Setzer..

Project Runway Recap

Well I'm more or less not going to bother because Lorraine and Miss Hat both do such a far superior job, why the heck should my lazy ass bother? and Hat, you rock out loud!!!!!! You are just brilliant girl! Lorraine, you're killing me!

That said- Christian annoys the crap out of me. Chris, honey get it together or you're gone again baby. Sweet P, I love ya, and we could go for drinks and have an absolute blast! Sweetie- long sleeves girlfriend, long sleeves..

So my drinking game was every time I wanted to slap Christian back into last week- drink time. I was pushing plowed halfway into it. Plan B time on that one..


But after being ill and cranky and not in the holiday spirit I decided to make all festive- cause over dressing makes me feel better like that. Is there a 12 step program for red?

Lovely, Isn't it?

Makes me rather wistful that I had to hang up my toe shoes.. Knees really are a poorly designed part. And yes Lorraine, the half naked Sting is indeed part of the appeal, I grant you.

A little frivilous amusement.

I decided to play along with Lorraine and Hat in the dress up for Project Runway game. I also figured the entire universe is tired of me being sick, overwhelmed and whining, I know I am. Frankly I'm annoying the crap out of myself as of yesterday. Yes, I really do totally suck at being sick.





Since getting dressed up always makes me feel better, may as well have something fun on while sipping my glass of Chateau Robisussin '06 and waving at Tim Gunn. You'll have to trust me, works much better on me on than the hanger..

Yes Tate, red doors = bad background choice. Too late now.. Yes Hat, the doors and trim in my bedroom are actually red, but honest, when taken in context it really doesn't scream "bordello"- It's totally Asian modern decor.
I love this crazy, over the top jacket to absolute bits. Keeping in mind that I normally am not a patterns or brocades kind of person- not that they aren't often lovely, but let's be real- on small people you don't generally wear the pattern, it wears you.. Love it, love it, love it and just don't care. The whole assymetrical hem and double collar action.



And equally over the top shoes. Gee, didn't see that coming, did you? Ironically I purchased the shoes three years before I decided on a whim I had to have the jacket. Now the little suede ballet flats do tone the entire thing down, but where the hell is the fun in that?? Yes, yes- ugly dancer feet, now you know why I usually avoid mules..



And can someone please tell me what in the hell was Donna Karan wearing????

Is this week over yet??

Well this week is starting quite badly. Not that y’all care, but I have to whine to someone after all..

Let’s see, the Beast was ill and passed it on to me. I don’t get sick often, so I really try and overachieve when I do. This my dears is gonna turn ugly- mark my words. Let’s see- fever? Check. Elephant jumping up and down on my chest? Check. Ice pick sensation in the ears? Right. OK, on with the show. And the best part, the Beast is now out of town on business- oh joy. But then again, I do tend to be a leave me alone sort when ill, and the whole nurturing thing really isn’t his bag. The kids however will take care of me, once I pick them up from school that is.. They tend to get mildly freaked when Mom is sick and bless them, do tend to be very sweet.

So since I know it’s about to seriously hit the fan I tried to get some work done today. Hasn’t worked out too well, but hey, I tried.

Yesterday when the hacking and snorting started, guess who showed back up on the doorstep? Yep, the lost children returned. That was a short, but peaceful 24 hours. In theory they were coming back to pick up their stuff. The supposed friend's basement they were to be moving into suddenly wasn’t going to be available for a few weeks as the other folks were having trouble moving out.. Uh, huh.. Well normally I’d have given such a statement some credence. At this point-umm, no. Not buying it. The Hurricane is missing a chunk of cash, my phone bill is going to give me a stroke next month, I guarantee you, and I saw not one single proactive effort to rectify the situation in respect to getting their shit together. Looking at rental properties that take up 95% of the sole working person’s monthly take home whilst the other partner made no effort whatsoever to find gainful employ does not strike me as proactive, productive or even realistic in any way…

So I (meaning we) did the hardest thing I’d ever had to do to another person. I said no. Sorry. Not going to do any more. You’re not family, we’re not even close friends and we have extended ourselves as far as we’re willing and more than we’re capable of managing- you need a qualified social worker to sort this out. Here are the numbers (again) for all the transitional housing programs and shelters in a 60 mile radius.

Yes, I knew full well they’d be sleeping in a car and I did it anyway. And I feel like total shit about it. I mean seriously uncomfortable with myself.. But I know in my bones this is the only way they are going to get any sort of motivation to face and deal with the situation. But I still feel like crap about it either way. And I am in no way trying to make “holier than thou”- but seriously if my kids were facing such a situation Miss Dora would be working 14th Street in a mini skirt in the snow, checking at the 7-11 and two other jobs, if that’s what it took to take care of my kids…

And the ironic thing is, had we really seen genuine effort to get their act together, they’d still be here and they just don’t get that. I’m just a heartless self- centered bitch. Oh well, so be it. This heartless bitch has a family of her own to worry about.

Forget fruitcake..

Beefcake for Christmas and supporting an excellent cause, what more could you want? Did I mention hunky firefighters sans shirts?? Ahh, now I have your attention, don't I?

Over 80% of the firefighters in New Orleans lost their homes and all of their possessions after Hurricane Katrina. The fire stations themselves were also badly damaged. While they now have the basic equipment they need to fight fires, what they don't have are station house uniforms – they've been coming to work in their own jeans and t-shirts.

You can help give their morale a boost by giving a New Orleans Firefighters Look Hot 2008 Calendar. All proceeds are going to purchase station house uniforms for every firefighter in the city. Every red cent goes straight to the effort.

Considering all these guys did, go forth and do a little guilt free gifting, not to mention the whole hot guys in uniforms bonus. Talk about win-win!

And feel free to share this lovely gift idea- hint, hint.